Gates
by amp23
Summary: Bella has just started her freshman year of college. She has a long distance relationship with her boyfriend Jacob, but then she meets Edward. Complications ensue.
1. Chapter 1 Going to Brown

My cell phone rang at the same time that I heard the horn blaring from below on Elm Street, right outside my dorm room window.

"Rose, can you grab that?" I yelled as I ran down the hallway to grab my cosmetics caddy from the bathroom.

Rose rolled off her bed, walked out of her room and into mine, and then picked up my phone from my desk. "Hello? . . OK. She'll be right there."

Rose handed me the phone as I dashed back into my room to shove the cosmetics into my duffle bag. "It was your cabby. He's outside," she said as she moved out of my way.

"I know he's outside. Jeez. I hear him honking. Did you tell him I'll be right there?" I asked as I shoved my iPod into my bag and grabbed my jacket, before spinning to look around the room for anything I forgot. It did not take long to peruse the space. The room was about 12 feet long and 8 feet wide – probably the size of your average master bedroom walk-in closet. It just barely fit my bed, desk, chair and dresser. But I had it all to myself, which was more than I could say for some of my fellow freshmen.

"Have fun at the football game," Rose said as she watched me lock my door. From her bed, she could see right into my room. Her room was almost as tiny as mine, but she also had it to herself. I turned to run down the hallway toward the suite's door when she caught my eye. "Oh yeah, enjoy the booty call, too," she sang with arched eyebrows and a smirk.

"Jacob is not a booty call," I answered with a frown. "Well, not entirely," I admitted with a grin. "See you on Sunday." And with that I flew down the hall and out our suite door, down the steps and out of one of the entryways of our dorm, Durfee.

After a quick jog past the rest of Durfee's entryways and then out of Old Campus through the Elm Street gate, I was on the sidewalk, waving to the impatient cabby. He looked seriously annoyed; he was blocking a lane of traffic on Elm Street and drawing the considerable ire of the cars that got stuck behind him. Despite cutting right through Yale's campus, Elm Street had a pretty heavy traffic flow, so the cabby wasted little time getting me in the back and taking off toward the New Haven train station. I glanced at my watch; I still had 10 minutes to catch my train to Providence.

In 1 hour and 45 minutes I would be with Jake. I felt a surge of excitement in the pit of my stomach. And a bit of anxiety. Would it be the same? We had only been dating for a few weeks when I left for Yale. Would it be awkward and weird? I mean, we'd known each other for 2 years now, but we'd only been a couple for such a short time. And there was the whole issue with my best friend Jessica . . . . Then I thought about the CD he had sent me my first week at school – all our favorite songs, plus a few sappy love songs. Yeah, he was crazy about me. It would be fine.

I paid the cabby, dashed through the terminal, and made it on to the train with about two minutes to spare. I was panting from the run and the weight of the duffle. Why did college textbooks have to be so heavy? I found an unoccupied row on the train, threw my stuff on to the seat by the window and plopped myself down with a huge exhale. OK, less than 2 hours to wait. I popped my earbuds in, picked the Jacob mix on my iPod, and pulled out an art history textbook. I did not plan to waste a lot of time studying up at Brown, so I figured I had better get the week's reading done while I had the chance.

As the train pulled out of New Haven, I glanced out the window. The leaves are so gorgeous in New England in the fall. I can't wait for them to begin to turn. . . having seasons is one nice thing about living in the Northeast . . . too bad it is so damn cold so much of the year. And cloudy . . . I wonder why it is so frequently overcast in the Northeast . . . something to do with the Atlantic? . . . I guess can see the appeal that University of Miami has for Jessica. But it still gets cloudy in Miami . . . if you want to avoid the clouds, you really need to go to L.A. It is hot and sunny there all the time, I think. A slight change in the train's speed caused my textbook to slide on my lap. Focus, I reminded myself. This is not daydream time! I grabbed my favorite yellow highlighter and got to work.

The sound of screeching brakes announced our arrival in Providence station. I bolted upright. Had I dozed off? The music on my iPod had switched to a random playlist and there was long yellow line to nowhere on my textbook. Oops! Lucky thing the train's arrival was so loud!

I grabbed my duffle bag and stood in the aisle with the rest of the passengers. My heart started to pound and my stomach flipped over – god, I was nervous to see Jacob. This is ridiculous – it will be fine. No, it will be great. We will be just like normal, just like we were before I left for Yale. So what that I haven't seen him in 20 days. It just seems like forever.

I took some deep breaths as I followed the crowd into the tunnels. I pictured Jacob standing by a bench, his dark brown eyes staring at each passenger that came through the door to see if it was me. Maybe he would push his hand through his nearly black hair while he waited. I imagined running my fingers through his hair and felt a different kind of tightening in my abdomen.

I went up the stairs that led to the main waiting area of the station and glanced around looking for Jacob. I quickly scanned the faces of the people scattered on the wooden benches and standing by the ticket windows and snack stand, but none were familiar. Could he be late? That would be so out of character. Oh God. What if Jake isn't here? What if he has changed his mind, come to his senses? I felt the panic starting to break out and my heart took off again.

Suddenly, I felt hands on my shoulders and I was being spun around, stopping face to face with a huge grin. "Bella!" he shouted with joy as he grabbed my bag and leaned in to give me a giant hug and a kiss. Then he pulled back and looked into my eyes. "You cannot imagine how thrilled I am to see you. I've been sitting here for the last hour going crazy waiting for your train."

"I'm not late, am I?" I asked as I turned to look around the station for a clock.

"No, silly, you are right on time. I just couldn't wait any longer to see you. And I was driving Embry crazy, pacing around and talking to myself. So he kicked me out and told me to wait for you here," he explained with a goofy grin on his face.

I loved that smile. He is really as excited to see me as I am to see him. Oh, thank God. My panic was groundless, as usual. I leaned in for the kiss that I knew was coming, and he planted a big juicy wet one on my lips as I smiled. It is going to be a great weekend.

He led me through the train station and out to the mostly empty parking lot. As we approached his motorcycle, I saw the helmet that he had bought for me just over a month ago. The bike was old, and it kind of scared me, but he had restored the thing himself and he was so ridiculously proud of it. And, when I wasn't worrying about dying, it was exhilarating to ride on the back of a motorcycle with my arms wrapped around Jake's torso.

"Where do I put the bag?" I asked as I climbed on to the back of the seat.

He grinned at me and shrugged. "I didn't realize you would have so much stuff for just a weekend. I guess I'll just throw it over my shoulder. It's a really short ride to campus." I couldn't see his face as he finished, but I knew he was rolling his eyes at the amount that I had packed.

We made it to his dorm in less than five minutes and parked in a student lot. As soon as we were off the bike, he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me against him. I leaned my shoulder into his chest and let him guide me toward his building. His body felt as good as I'd remembered. He was a good bit taller than me and lean, with almost no fat over his muscles, courtesy of almost daily five mile runs. "Tell me everything. I want to hear about your roommates, I mean suitemates you lucky dog, your classes, what activities you've joined, how you've decorated your room, how the food is . . ." he trailed off. Jacob knew the last one was a bit of a touchy subject, and he glanced at me with a nervous, concerned look.

"You know all this stuff. I talk to you almost every day. And that's in addition to the emails and texts. You know my suitemates' names, and what classes I'm taking, and that the only thing on my walls is the Twilight poster that you gave me. And you know the food is fine, Jacob," I snapped. He gave me a knowing look and I immediately regretted the tone of my voice. "Really," I said more softly, "the food is great. And I'm eating it."

"Really?" he asked, pointedly.

"Yes," I answered, giving him my best 'this-conversation-is-now-over' look. "Why are you asking me about things you already know?"

"I don't know. I guess hearing it on the phone is not the same. I can't see your face and see what you really mean," he said as glanced at me. Then he took his hand off my back and dug into his pocket for his keys. "Here it is," he said dramatically as he opened his dorm room door and he waved his hand in an arc. "The pinnacle of comfort and neatness for your visiting pleasure," he said sarcastically as I took in the piles of clothing and junk all over the room.

"Maybe you should've spent the extra hour cleaning," I suggested. Jacob just smiled, tossed my stuff on his floor, picked me up and plopped me down on his unmade bed. My lips began to form an "oh" when he started kissing me like he hadn't seen me in year. Suddenly, I couldn't concentrate on anything but his tongue and lips and hands against my face. Yeah, this is going to be a great weekend.

. . . . . .

Embry announced his return to the room with a few thundering knocks on the door and some loud coughing. When he finally walked into the room, he made a big show of averting his eyes and covering his ears. Jacob and I snickered.

"Embry, you can drop the act and look our way," Jacob said with a laugh.

Embry glanced over at us as he slowly lowered his hands. He arranged his face into an exaggerated look of disgust when he saw Jacob and I fully clothed and snuggled together on top of his bed, reading from our respective textbooks.

"This is the dramatic reunion? This is why I had to go to the library and hit on freshman – I mean, study -- to give you some privacy? I expected to find you in bed, but not like that," Embry said with mock disappointment.

Jacob looked up at his roommate and best friend and gave him a huge grin. "Embry, I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Bella. Bella, this is Embry."

My insides did a little flip. I know it shouldn't matter, but hearing Jacob call me his girlfriend still gave me a weird thrill. And made me feel a bit embarrassed. "It's nice to meet you, Embry," I said as I climbed off the bed and went to shake his hand. But before I could get my hand out he wrapped me in great big hug and gave me a peck on the cheek.

The shocked look on my face was enough to break Embry and Jacob into hysterics. After a second or two, I started to laugh too.

Embry managed to spit out, "nice to meet you, too," before cracking himself up again. "So, what are we doing tonight?"

"What do you mean by 'we'?" asked Jacob.

"Oh, come on, you aren't going to spend the whole weekend alone, are you? That would be so lame," Embry replied as he flopped on to his bed on the other side of the room. "There's a party down the hall tonight in Leah and Rachel's room. Everyone on the floor is going to go."

"That sounds great," I said.

Jacob looked at me cautiously. "You sure you want to go to some hall party tonight? Because it is totally OK if you want to do something else."

"No, really, I want to meet your friends and get to know them. I love parties," I said with a silly smile.

"Seriously, it will be awesome," Embry chimed in. "Leah's got some hook up for the beer and Rachel is buying four bags of Doritos. What else do you need?"

"Right. What else?" Jacob said sarcastically. "Well, maybe Bella and I will grab some dinner and then come over, OK?" Jacob added, eyeing me with concern. I knew what was on his mind. Me getting drunk, then eating junk food, then getting all guilt ridden and weepy. Or worse.

"Are you going to sneak her into the dining hall?" Embry asked. "I'm sure we can find someone's ID card for Bella to use."

"Thanks. I already arranged to borrow Rachel's," Jacob explained, giving me a grin. He really thought of everything.

"Alright," Embry said. "Want to hit the Ratty around 6pm?"

"Sounds perfect," Jacob answered. "Bells, you want to go for a run around campus? It is really pretty here in the fall."

"I would love to. I've been on my ass all day, between the train ride and your bed," I smiled.

"Well, it is a nice ass to be on," Jacob cracked as Embry made lewd noises and rocked his hips. "Always the gentleman, Em," Jacob said as he rolled his eyes. I just laughed and reached into my bag to grab my sneakers.

Jacob led me all over Brown's campus, narrating as we ran. He kept to my slower pace, so he could talk as much as he wanted, but I tended toward one or two word comments. Not that I was winded; I just couldn't find it in myself to really listen to his stories about the various buildings and fields and streets. Instead, my mind wandered over the events this summer that led to this jog.

. . . . . . . .

I can't fucking believe it! I raged over and over as I ran around the high school track, trying to drown out my feelings in sweat and exhaustion. Jessica is dating Tyler, again! That guy is such an asshole and he going to totally fuck her up, just like last time. During the pause in my music, I heard the loud thump, thump, thump of my sneakers pounding against the ground. And, she'll probably totally ditch me like she did when she dated him two years ago. Summer of hell. I rounded the bend and tried to sprint down the straightaway. And when he dumps her she'll come crawling to me all distraught and needy and I won't be able to say "told you so" because I've done more stupid, self destructive things than anyone. I stabbed at my shuffle to skip the next song. Stupid "Crazy in Love." Fuck you Beyonce and fuck JayZ and your freakin' romance. I hate love. "Cleaning out my Closet" by Eminem came up next. That is more like it.

I started mile 3, panting from pushing myself to run too fast in the heat. It was 4pm on an unusually warm June day and the temperature was still in the high 80s. Great, maybe I'll pass out. One more thing for me to get the sympathy vote for.

Suddenly, I heard a voice over my music and internal monologue. "Bella? What are you doing here? You run?" Jacob Black asked.

Great. Fucking Jessica's fucking ex-boyfriend. Just what I need. "Hey, Jake," I panted as I slowed down and came to a stop in front of him. "When did you get home from Brown?" I asked. Everyone was coming home from freshman year of college. All except for me. I was still here, just like when they all left in the fall.

"I got home about two weeks ago," he replied in an offhand way. "Are you OK? You look kind of wiped out Bella," he said with that hint of concern in his voice that almost everyone had when they spoke to me. Well, anyone who knew.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said with less anger than I wanted – apparently I hadn't caught my breath yet enough to convey "bug off." I picked up my bottle of water and took a swig. "You?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, too," he said, starting to walk away. Then he turned to me. "I'm sorry. I am so fucking pissed right now, I can't really have a civil conversation. I'm going to start running before I explode." And with that, he took off.

Jacob was fast. Wow. He made my running look like an old lady out for a pleasure walk. I mean, most people ran faster and more gracefully than me, but still, this was pretty amazing to watch.

After he ran his first mile in about 6 minutes, he slowed down. "Do you want to do a few laps with me? I can run at your pace," he said with a smile.

Sure, what the hell. I would probably have to concentrate so hard on running at his 'slow' speed that I wouldn't have time to stew about Jessica, at least for 10 minutes. "OK," I said. "But just so you know, I'm only running like this because I'm really mad. I don't normally do eight minute miles, or anything," I said as I started to jog next to him.

"I couldn't care less about your pace so long as you don't trip me," he said with a grin. "I'm not out here to train. I'm just trying to keep myself from calling Jessica and yelling at her."

I stopped dead on the track, causing Jake to suddenly turn around and run back to me. "You are running because of Jessica, too?" I asked incredulously. "You heard about Tyler? Who told you? Wait, do you still have feelings for her?" I asked sympathetically.

Jacob started running again and I followed. When I caught up to him, he started talking. "Do I still have feelings for Jessica? No, not at all. Well, not feelings like I'd want to date her. But I do care about her and I could smack her head into a wall for deciding to hook up with Tyler again. He cheated on her, like, the whole time they were together before. And I guess it made me mad to think that after me she would date such a scumbag," he acknowledged.

"I was here cursing her, too," I confessed with a look of surprise on my face. "She totally ditched me the last time she and Tyler were a couple. Apparently, his friends didn't like me, so I got cut loose," I said bitterly. "She apologized after it was all over, but I'm sure the same thing will happen this summer." Then I shook my head and tried to look less angry. "How funny that we both came here to run Jessica out of our minds!"

"Did it work for you, yet?" Jacob asked.

"Not really. Now I feel hot, sweaty, exhausted and royally pissed off!" I laughed.

"Then let's quit after this next mile and clean up and see if we can think of something else to do to channel our anger," he said, as if we had been good friends that hung out together for years, rather than people who only spent time together in Jessica's presence, up until this moment.

And everything had spiraled from there. First we were meeting for runs followed by warm soda. Then we were making plans to go to movies. Then we drove to the beach together one day and it was pretty clear to everyone else that we had passed from good friends to the brink of something more. Of course, we had totally lost interest in the Jessica issue – we were grateful for the distraction Tyler provided so she couldn't see how close we were becoming. By early August, it was pretty much official – I was dating my best friend's ex-boyfriend. What a cliché. We did ask her permission before he kissed me the first time - as mad as I had been at the start of the summer, I couldn't stand to hurt Jessica. When she gave us her blessing, it was like opening the flood gates. We packed an entire summer's worth of dates and fooling around into the three weeks left until we went to college.

. . . . . . .

"Bella, hello," Jacob said as he waved a hand in front of my face. "Hey, we're back at my dorm. Do you want to keep running? That was only 3 miles," he said with a smile.

"Sure, OK . . um, what?" I replied with a guilty smile. Jacob arched an eyebrow at me. "OK, I wasn't paying attention. Actually, I was thinking about our first run and how this all got started, " I admitted. "What did you ask me?"

Jacob laughed and pulled me close him, looking into my eyes. He gently grabbed a strand of my hair that had escaped my ponytail and pushed it behind my ear with his thumb. Then he placed his fingers under my chin and lifted my lips up to his, kissing me softly. I melted into him and wrapped my arms around his neck. Yum. Thank you Jessica.

"Let's head back inside and get clean," Jacob murmured. "Not that I don't like you all warm and sweaty," he breathed in my ear, "but certain roommates get very surly when their dinner is delayed," he finished with a laugh.


	2. Chapter 2 The Ride Home

The alarm went off at 8am Sunday morning. Jacob reached over and hit the snooze button as I groaned and tried to stuff my head under a pillow. But before I could finish, I felt Jacob kissing the back of my neck. "Hey sweetie," he whispered as he rolled onto his side and pulled me even closer to him. "It'll be almost two weeks 'til I get to do this . . . or this . . . or this," he murmured as he kissed different spots on my neck and shoulders and caressed my arm and hip and stomach. "You really are too delicious. I'm not sure I'm going to let you go," he said as he gave me a squeeze.

I giggled and then sighed. "I wish I could stay, too. I had so much fun this weekend. But I need to go back there. You know, get used to my life in New Haven," I said with a hitch in my voice.

"Hey, no crying now," he said into my hair. "Everything is going to be OK. That's why you took the year off. And you know that I will do anything I can to help you... keep, I mean, so you are healthy," he ended with a rush.

I rolled over on my back and glared at him. I hated being the weak victim that everyone had to take care of and worry about. "I'm fine, I told you that already, like one thousand times," I sneered. "Uch, you're worse than my mother."

"Yes, I do an excellent neurotic Jewish mother imitation," he replied, as he stroked my arm. "However, we both know that I have a legitimate reason to be worried. But I'm not, yet. So let's not waste our last bit of time fighting," he finished as he leaned in to kiss me and slipped his hand under my camisole top.

I'm easily distracted.

After a few more minutes, the alarm sounded again. Jake reached over blindly and smacked it into silence. Three more times. Finally, on the fourth round, he looked at the clock and groaned. "Come on, it's after 8:30 already. Hate to be late for that guy that agreed to drive you home. Maybe – uh, what is his name again?" Jake asked as he rolled out of bed.

"Um, it's Edward something," I replied as I fumbled for my glasses.

"And where are you meeting him?

"He said to meet at some gym parking lot?" I said uncertainly.

"Sure, he must mean the lot by the OMAC," Jake answered. "That's a short walk from here, but I think I'll drive you on the Honda anyway," he smiled. "I don't want Edward getting the wrong impression," he said with a slightly wicked look on his face.

"Jacob, I don't think you have anything to worry about," I said as I pulled on my favorite jeans and a Yale sweatshirt. "I doubt he'll even glance in my direction for more than two seconds," I finished in annoyance.

"You are so clueless, Bella," he said as he walked over to me. "So I'm not planning to take the chance that he thinks you're up for grabs," he finished as he pulled me back down on to the bed and began kissing me deeply and slowly.

After a minute, I pulled away. "You know, I like you enough to date you even though you are Jessica's ex-boyfriend – I don't think you'll be getting rid of me too easily."

"That's exactly what I'm counting on," he replied.

. . . . . . .

After saying goodbye to a mostly sleeping Embry, who grunted in reply and rolled over, we walked out of Jacob's dorm toward the parking lot. I was so glad that I'd found this ride back to Yale – I really did not have the money to pay for a round trip on Amtrak every few weeks. Maybe this guy, Edward, came up to Brown all the time — maybe he has a girlfriend up here! I would have to work that into the conversation on the way home.

My thoughts continued to wander. Hopefully, he wouldn't be as big a jackass as he had seemed when I called him on Thursday to confirm the ride. His stereo had been blaring when he answered the phone and he kept yelling at me to repeat myself. I almost told him to forget it, but then my lack of income kept my pride in check, and I screamed my name and cell number one last time. He had left a message on Saturday night for me to meet him at the parking lot at 9 am. What a tool. Why did he have to be in such a rush on a Sunday morning? I didn't even usually get out of bed before 11am on the weekend.

"What does Eddie look like?" Jacob asked as he handed me my helmet and climbed on to the bike.

"I have no idea," I replied. "He just said that he has a silver Volvo and to meet him at 9am. I kind of assumed he'll be the only idiot standing around in a parking lot at this hour," I ended in a surly tone.

Jacob snickered at me as I continued. "I don't even know what a Volvo looks like. Isn't that the 'we're boxy but we're safe' car?" I said with a sneer. "What kind of guy drives a Volvo?"

"Yeah, real men drive motorcycles!" Jacob said with a huge grin. "Alright, hold on spider monkey." And with that, he pulled out of the parking lot and flew along the empty streets through campus to the gym. It really was the greatest feeling, except for the nagging panic that we would crash and I would be killed or really badly injured.

Barely five minutes later, Jacob pulled into a large parking lot and wound up and down a few rows. When he saw an empty space, he slowed down even more and put his legs down to balance as he slid the bike into the parking spot. I pulled off my helmet and started scanning the parking lot, looking around. When I saw a guy by a silver car two rows over, I tensed. "Let's do this," I said, gritting my teeth together.

Jake slid off the bike and grabbed my hand. "Don't worry, Bells, we'll see each other again in just 13 days," he said in a comforting tone.

We started to walk across toward the car. As we got closer, I realized that two guys were leaning against it, talking. One had curly brown hair and a muscular frame. He seemed to be laughing at something as we approached. The other guy was taller and thinner. He had on a baseball hat, with sunglasses on top of the brim. Oh, the tall one must be Edward. He sounded like the kind of poser who would wear his sunglasses on his hat. Great. Probably one of those annoying frat boys. Who knew that Yale had frats?!

I took a deep breath and walked the last few steps to close the gap between all of us. I thrust my hand out in front of me and said, "Hi, I'm Bella Swan. Thanks for agreeing to give me a ride back to Yale."

Both guys looked at me and Jacob. "No problem," the taller one replied as he shook my hand. "Edward Cullen," he offered, and then pointed to his muscular friend. "This is Emmett McCarty and that," he said with a derisive tone, "is the next American Idol," as he waved his hand in the third guy's direction.

I hadn't even noticed there was a third guy. He was standing a few feet away with his back to us, singing along with his iPod, oblivious to all of us.

"Not likely," I quipped before I could stop myself, and then I blushed a deep red and popped my hand over my mouth. I looked at the third guy with chagrin and back at Edward and Emmett and whispered, "Did he hear that?"

"I doubt it," Emmett answered, shaking his head and grinning.

Edward immediately walked over and hit James on the back of the head. James spun around looking murderous, and then slid his headphones down around his neck. "Are we finally ready to go?" he asked as he glanced from me to them.

"Yeah, dickhead, we're ready," Edward replied. "Try not to drive the girl crazy with your singing, OK?" he finished as he turned and reached to take my bag from Jacob.

Suddenly, I realized that I'd left Jake standing there like a dork for a minute. "Edward, Emmett, uh, James, this is Jacob Black, my, um, boyfriend."

Jacob placed my duffle on the ground near my feet and shook each of their hands. "Thanks for giving Bella a ride back to Yale today," he said as he looked Edward in the eyes. Then he turned back toward me, pulled me in close, and planted a big kiss on my lips.

I gave a little sigh, and then stepped back. "I'll call you later, after I get back and plug in my phone," I said, feeling the blush turn my cheeks pink again. Hope enjoyed marking your territory. Next time, why don't you just pee on my leg?

"Yeah, don't forget your charger next time," Jacob called to me as he walked back across the lot to his bike.

I turned toward back to the car and bent over to grab my duffle. "Let me," Edward said as he grabbed the bag from my hand and placed it lightly in the trunk, then opened one of the doors and motioned for me to climb into the backseat next to James. Edward slipped into the driver's seat as Emmett grabbed shotgun, and in a matter of moments we were pulling out of the lot. I quickly looked out the window to wave goodbye and watch Jacob hop on his bike and ride away.

James already had the headphones back on and had resumed his singing. Looked like he wasn't going to be much company for the ride. I leaned forward between the two bucket seats and hooked a thumb in James's direction, asking, "What is the deal with the singing? Is he always like this?"

"Well, yes, if by 'this' you mean, incredibly annoying," Edward answered without a smile.

Emmett let out a little snicker. "James is just practicing for his audition for an a cappella singing group," he explained, glancing back at James and me. "He tends to get very focused on whatever he's doing. He's dying to get with this girl Victoria, and she's really into the whole Yale singing thing—"

"Yeah, what the hell is up with that?" I interrupted. "The constant singing is just so fucking annoying. Can't they just get drunk and play quarters like normal people?" I asked.

Edward and Emmett both laughed in surprise. Then Edward's eyes met mine in the mirror. Oh my god, he is cute. Cute enough to be forgiven for the hat and sunglasses combo. How did I not notice those eyes when we met a minute ago? They're really green. Color contacts? I think my heart stopped beating and I held my breath for a second.

"I wouldn't have picked you for an a cappella hater," Emmett said with a laugh. "Bad previous experience? Did some a cappella singers kill your cat?"

I laughed, and then answered. "No, they are just so annoying," I replied, reluctantly breaking eye contact with Edward. "I mean, as a freshman, those groups won't stop singing at you. And I can't sing. I don't want to sing. I don't want to listen to people 14-way harmonize or whatever the hell it is they're doing," I said in a rush. Then I blushed again. "Wait, you two aren't in the Duke's Men or something, right?" I asked in a panic.

"No, definitely not," Emmett replied with a huge grin. "We hate the singers, too."

"Well, hate is a little strong," I replied, feeling a little silly. "Uh, you guys are both sophomores, right?"

Emmett nodded and smiled. He started to ask another question, when one occurred to me. "If you are only a sophomore," I said, meeting Edward's eyes in the mirror again, "what are you doing with a car at school?"

"I hate to be away from my car," Edward replied as he patted the dashboard. "I feel, sort of, anxious, when I'm away from it for too long. And I don't want my sister, Alice, trying to claim possession," he ended with a crooked smile. My heart did a little backflip. Holy crow, this guy just got better and better. That smile, those eyes, yikes. And his voice.

I struggled for something rational to say so I could keep my jaw from hanging open as I stared at him. "So, um, were you guys all up here for the game, or to visit your girlfriends?" I asked with what I hoped passed for nonchalance.

"The game and to visit a couple of Edward's friends from high school," Emmett replied, while giving Edward a pointed look that I caught.

"And I take it that you spent a little less time with them than you intended to?" I asked Emmett, glancing between them.

Emmett laughed and twisted further in his seat to look at me. "I," he began, with a pause, "spent just as much time with them as we planned." He glanced at Edward again. "Edward may have gotten, um, lost, on the way back to the room last night, right?" he finished with a smirk.

"You all left me at that snack place, as I recall it," Edward replied with his eyebrows raised.

"Left you chatting up that blond with the sweet rack, as I recall it," Emmett retorted.

Look, when you swung and missed, I felt I owed the girl," Edward replied with a snide grin.

"I thought that blonds weren't your type," Emmett said with a pout.

"Yeah, I prefer brunettes," Edward said with a grin. "But, you know, beggars and choosers and all that," he finished with a shrug.

I snickered, and then blushed furiously when I noticed that Edward had glanced at my brunette hair reflected in his mirror. Emmett turned to glance at me, too. "Yeah, you stick with the girls with Bella's hair color next time, OK, and leave the blonds for me."

Edward gave a slight grin and shrugged again, glancing at me over his shoulder. "And obviously you came up to see that guy…" Edward started.

"My boyfriend, Jacob," I answered, thrilled for the change of subject. "It seemed like a good weekend to come, with the football game and all, 'cause I figured I might be able to get a ride home," I said with a shrug as I gestured at the car. "So, uh, did you guys go to the game yesterday? It was fun! I mean, the game, well . . . I really liked the tailgates," I said with a little giggle.

"I take it you're not a football fan" Edward replied.

"Oh, actually I really like it. But was that actually football yesterday that they were playing?" I joked.

"You really like football?" Emmett asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I love it. Pro really. I don't know anything about college football. The whole BCS thing turns me off. And clearly the Ivy League is living up to its reputation where sports are concerned. But I'm crazy about the NFL. Especially the Giants," I finished.

"No shit! Edward is, like, the most intense Giants fan I've ever met," Emmett replied with his huge grin. "Maybe, if you're lucky, he'll let you watch with him," he finished with a wink as Edward glared at him.

Suddenly James jumped into the conversation. "Guys, are we stopping for breakfast?" he asked as he leaned forward with his headphones around his neck.

"No, moron," Emmett replied. "We're going to the Kosher Kitchen for bagels. That's why Edward was in such a hurry to leave Brown this morning. Well that, and to avoid having to give that girl anymore information about himself," Emmett finished with a huge grin. I giggled. I really liked him. He was just hilarious.

"The Kosher Kitchen? Are all you guys Jewish?" I asked with a look of surprise.

"Yup," Emmett replied. "Just your average carload of New York Jews."

"Really?" I asked in surprise. They didn't look like the guys in my largely Jewish high school. Or have names like them.

"No! We're Irish Catholic! You know, Cullen, Emmett, James – we're practically mics right off the boat," Emmett said with a chortle. "But we are all New Yorkers."

"Oh, you're New Yorkers? Me too!" I burst out. "A New Yorker and Jewish, I mean. Well, I used to be."

"You used to be Jewish? Aren't you a little young to convert?" Emmett asked with a grin.

"No, no. Still Jewish. No, I mean, used to be a New Yorker. My parents divorced a few years ago, but we all stayed in New York until recently. My mom just remarried and moved to Florida and she wants me to come, too," I ended.

"She wants you leave Yale for Florida?" Emmett asked jokingly.

"No, no. She's not a complete fool. She just wants me to go there for all the breaks and the summers. But then I won't see any of my friends, or… so anyway, I'll probably stay with my dad, Charlie, and my step-mom, Sue, at least for winter and spring breaks. I actually listed them as my home address, which really pissed off my mom," I finished, looking at my hands in my lap.

"Won't you miss your mom?" Edward asked gently. When I looked up, our eyes met in the rearview mirror again. He almost looks concerned? That's weird.

"Yeah," I admitted, turning to stare out the window at the other cars on the highway. "But I won't miss her new husband, Phil," I spit out, a bit more bitterly than I meant to. "But enough about my fascinating family," I continued with forced lightness as I turned back to face the front seat. "Where in New York are you all from?" I asked as I glanced between them.

"I'm from Long Island – or should I say 'Lawn Gisland,'" Emmett said with an exaggerated imitation of the accent. "Plainview, specifically. That's how Edward and I met, sort of. His family lived there 'til they moved to – where did you move?" he asked as he turned back toward Edward.

"Chestnut Ridge," Edward answered. "I'm sure you never heard of it," he said, glancing quickly at me over his shoulder. "It's in Rockland County. You probably never heard of that either."

"Um, yeah I have," I replied. "I'm from New City. Or, at least I was until my mom remarried and moved us to Boca Raton for Phil," I finished glumly.

"You grew up in New City?" Edward asked. "How funny! That's like 15 minutes away from where I live," he explained to Emmett. "What a coincidence!"

"Did you guys go to school together?" Emmett asked.

"No, no, different school districts. But I bet we must know someone in common. Even though you are a year younger," Edward added. "Maybe you know some of my sister's friends!"

Edward starting naming people, but I wasn't paying attention. His assumption, the assumption that everyone made, was that I had just graduated from high school. But I hadn't. I was really their age. I should have been a sophomore, too. But it just wasn't worth getting into the whole story about taking off the year, and explaining why, or more likely, giving my half true version of my year . . . My reverie was interrupted by a familiar name.

"Lauren Mallory?" Edward said and glanced in the mirror at me as I started.

"Yeah, I actually know her! She is really close with one of my best friends, Emily Young. They did gymnastics together. How do you know Lauren?"

"Lauren's family lives on my street. Are you good friends with Lauren, too?" he asked cautiously.

"Not at all. I just know her through Emily," I replied.

"Oh good. I actually can't stand Lauren," Edward said with a bit of disgust.

"Why? Bad break up?" I asked with a grin.

"No. Ugg. She and my sister Alice had a brief and ill fated best friend stint, and, well, she just rubbed me the wrong way," he sort of explained. "Emily, on the other hand, is great! Where did she go to school?" he asked curiously.

"She's a freshman at Harvard," I answered.

"That sucks," he said with a grin. "She must not have gotten into Yale." We all laughed, then he started talking again, something about six degrees of separation, but I had already stopped listening. Yikes, maybe Edward had heard about me. I had been the star of a juicy bit of gossip for a few weeks last summer. No, if he knew, he wouldn't have made that comment about Rockland. I was probably only world famous in New City. And that was over a year ago. Even in a tiny town, your 15 minutes of fame of only last so long.

I drifted back into paying attention to the conversation between Emmett and Edward. "Oh, for my dad's job, of course. When he got the job as chief at the hospital in Bergen County, he was supposed to be as close to the hospital as possible, but my parents had some weird objection to living in New Jersey, and Chestnut Ridge is basically attached to Jersey, so we moved there." Edward stated matter of factly. Hmm, I guess Emmett asked him why his family didn't live in the same town as mine.

"What kind of doctor is your dad?" I asked.

"Well, now he does a lot of administration, but he is technically a plastic surgeon," Edward answered, with a funny look on his face. Embarrassment? Why would he be ashamed of that? Hmmm, maybe that's why he is so pretty . . . Oh. Maybe his dad did all his friends' nose jobs!

Suddenly, my attention was drawn to the radio. Edward had done something to switch the music from one of my favorites, Linkin Park, to some lame 80's song, right in the middle of Leave out All the Rest. "Hey, why did you change the station? I love that song! Are you nuts?" I challenged. Then I blushed and popped my hand up to mouth.

Luckily, Emmett immediately guffawed.

After another very long second I said, "I'm sorry. That came out a bit more aggressively than I intended it to."

"Don't worry, Bella," Emmett said as he saw the guilty look on my face. "Everyone gives Edward shit for his taste in music. I swear, if I hadn't seen him close the deal with a dozen different girls, I would swear he was gay. The guy loves ABBA for Christ's sake."

Edward met my eyes in the mirror again and grinned crookedly. "What can I say? I love Kelly Clarkson and Rianna, too?" he suggested.

"You're not helping your 'I'm really a heterosexual' case," Emmett replied and got me giggling again.

Amazingly, we were soon pulling off I-95 onto the access road into New Haven. My stomach did a little flip-flop. I was still so nervous here, almost all the time. Well, maybe Rosalie waited for me for brunch. I hate going to meals alone.

Edward seemed like he was reading my mind, as he suddenly asked, "Do you want to come with us to the Kosher Kitchen for bagels? They aren't quite H&H, but they beat the crap out of the circular white bread that passes for bagels in the regular dining halls."

"Um, yeah, thanks, I think I will," I answered, surprising myself. Whatever, Rose could have brunch without me.

"Hey, it's the least I can do for a girl who's practically from my home town! I'll park over on Wall Street for now and we can drop you at Old Campus afterwards, if that is OK with you," Edward suggested.

"Sure, that will be great," I answered with a smile.

"This should work for James, too, since he's in Silliman. Normally, I would drop him at the furthest point possible and make him walk, but since we are going to Wall Street anyway, it's just not worth the extra effort to annoy him," Edward explained. I smiled immediately. I could easily picture the snickering that would follow dumping James at some random inconvenient location. Why were Edward and Emmett friends with him anyway?

Edward managed to find a legal parking spot in moments. "He has a gift," Emmett said with undisguised awe, and we were in the Kosher Kitchen before noon.

The time seemed to fly there, the three of us talking and laughing about Brown, New York, bagels, and music, when Edward suddenly looked at his watch and jumped out of his seat. "It's almost one," he said urgently, "Come on, time to go."

A look of confusion crossed my face, and then I said, in almost perfect unison with Emmett, "The Giants have an early game."

"Yes, so I'm sorry to hurry you, but I need to get you back to Old Campus in the next three minutes so that I can claim a decent spot in front of the flat screen," Edward explained.

"Your college has a flat screen TV?" I asked in surprise, and with obvious interest. My college, Trumbull, just had some beat up couches and an ancient rear projection TV. Then again, I had heard that Trumbull was one of the poorest residential colleges – maybe all the rest of them had flat screen TVs. "I was going to try to watch with the guys in the suite below me, and I don't even know if they have cable," I admitted with a twinge of jealousy in my voice.

"Davenport has an OK TV," Emmett explained. "It's our friend Garrett's house that has the 67 inch Samsung flat screen," Emmett said with some kind of awe. I must have inadvertently encouraged him, because he continued, "It's so sweet. It is DLP, the format preferred by the NFL. It is really superior to plasma and LCD. It has this superb audio system that I helped install last year…" Emmett trailed off as he saw the glazed look on my face.

"Slick, Emmett. And this is why, again, the girl will be coming with me and not you," Edward said with a wicked grin.

Wait, had he just invited me to watch the game with him?

"Come on, we'll have to hurry if we are going to make it to Park Street before kickoff," Edward said as he led me out to his car.

We said goodbye to Emmett quickly, and suddenly I was back in the Volvo, speeding through campus toward some unknown destination to watch TV with a guy I had just met. I was thrilled.


	3. Chapter 3 The Game 1

**A/N: OK - got some very helpful advice from allysue08 on how to upload and deal with - it is not as obvious as I thought it would be. Here's the next chapter - it's much shorter than the other two, but as soon as I get it up, I plan to put up chapter 4, so really, combined, they are longer than the other two.**

**About Yale: I realized that I refer to "residential colleges" a lot and I suspect that is confusing. The residential colleges are essentially the dorms at Yale. Each student is assigned to a college when they enroll, and they live in their college when they are sophomores, juniors and seniors. Most of the freshman, however, live together in dorms around a quad called "Old Campus." Freshmen are still grouped by college, so all of the freshman in Bella's college, Trumbull, live together in Durfee. This system is similar to the ones at Harvard, Oxford and Cambridge. Very few students live off campus, but there are some. Any other Yale questions - feel free to PM me.**

**I am totally new to this fan fic thing - this the first story I've ever written. So I would love your feedback and comments! And thanks to my beta flibbins for getting rid of unnecessary commas and adding in some capital letters when necessary!  
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After a somewhat terrifying ride across campus, during which Edward drove much faster than seemed necessary and I held on to the door handle like I was on a roller coaster, we arrived at Park Street, one of the unofficial perimeter streets of Yale Campus. Two residential colleges backed up to Park Street and there was large center for Catholic students on the block. Somehow, I doubted that any of these campus buildings were our destination.

While I glanced out the window at the back of Davenport College, Edward found a free, legal spot on the street and parallel parked the Volvo in just one smooth move. I looked at him in awe. Emmett was right – he did have some sort of parking karma. I undid my seatbelt and reached to open the door, only to find that it was already open, with Edward extending a hand to help me out of the car. I looked at him in surprise again. _Wow. No guy does that anymore. What a gentleman! Or is he just some kind of freak about his car? It is just a Volvo. I don't get the big deal._

As soon as I was standing next to him, Edward slammed the door and motioned for me to follow him down the street toward a series rundown looking row houses. I gave an anxious glance behind me at the Yale buildings, and then started to walk in the direction he had pointed. I suddenly felt very unsure about my spur of the moment decision to come with Edward to Garrett's house. _Who the hell is Garrett? And why didn't I think to ask Edward that before I got in the car?_

I unconsciously slowed my steps as I worried about where I was going. Edward glanced over his shoulder to see me lingering behind. "Are you OK?" he asked, looking at me with his weirdly bright green eyes.

"Yeah, um, sure, I'm fine," I answered, and I scurried to catch up with him. "Um, where are we going again?" I asked anxiously.

"Just a bit further," he answered casually. Then he glanced again at my face and he wrinkled his brow. "Are you sure nothing is wrong?"

"Yeah. I just haven't really been to this part of campus before," I answered with a little shrug. _And I don't know you or the person whose house you are taking me to. So dumb Bella!_

He flashed me a crooked grin and softly said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Would you like me to drive you back to Old Campus? We still have a minute until the game starts."

"Yeah, well, the way you drive, I'm sure you'll make it there and back with time to spare," I said a bit snidely.

To my surprise, Edward laughed. "I know, I drive too fast. Bad habit. I'll try to keep the speed down around you in the future."

_In the future?! There was no way that Edward and I had any future dealings, unless he gave me another ride to or from Providence. He was totally out of my league – way, way too cute. And I had a boyfriend. And he knew that. _

"Thanks," I said with what I was sure was a totally dopey smile. I looked around again at the fairly dilapidated homes on my right and felt a second wave of nervousness. "Um, I probably should have asked this earlier, but, uh, who is Garrett and why does he live here?"

"Ugh. I'm sorry. No wonder you look nervous. Garrett's a senior. He's a friend of mine; we kind of hang out in the same circle. He shares this place with two other guys: Peter, who is also a senior and Jasper, who's a sophomore, like me. Nothing sketchy, they just wanted to move off campus and the choices are pretty limited, as you can see," he ended with a grin.

I let out a little sigh of relief and more willingly followed Edward up the three stairs to the porch of the house. He paused at the front door. "Welcome to the house," he said sarcastically. "Try not to be too turned off by the smell." Then he held the door open and indicated that I should enter in front of him.

I paused right inside the doorway. He was right, it reeked in here. _What was that smell? God, I hope it is just stale beer._

Edward walked around me and motioned for me to follow him into the house. In addition to smelling bad, it was dimly lit and filled with a lot of junk. We walked through a room with a beat up pool table (and a lot of empty beer cans) into a room with a couch, some seriously ratty chairs and a huge TV. There were a few guys sitting around on the chairs and the floor.

Edward said hello to the guys in the room and introduced me. "This is Bella," he said to everyone, not waiting for a response. Then he dropped on to the floor in front of the couch, patting the spot next to him for me to sit, as he leaned back against the bottom of the couch.

I glanced at the other guys, who had barely looked away from the pregame show on the TV, and hesitated. "What's wrong with sitting on the furniture?" I asked, looking quizzically at the spot on the floor next to him. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you are supposed to put your butt up here and your back on that soft part," I said as I pointed to the seat and back of the sofa.

"Trust me, you don't want to touch this thing more than you have to. You have no idea what has gone on on this couch," he grimaced as he swung his hand toward the cushions.

"What are you some kind of germaphobe?" I asked as I sat down next to him.

"No," he replied, glancing away from the TV to look at me for a second, "but I know what I've done on that couch, and I can't imagine Garrett or Jasper cleaned it while I was away this weekend," he said as one of the guys on a chair snickered.

I blushed and looked back at the TV. _I guess this guy really is a player. I'd have to ask Rose more about him. She loved these kinds of guys. And they loved her, with her long legs, blond hair and serious rack . . . unlike my barely B cups and totally average face and body._ Well, there was no chance that I'd be his next target, so I just leaned back into the part of the couch that I was permitted to touch and waited for kick-off.

. . . . .

It was a great game. The Giants were leading the entire time, but not by enough to make it a blow out. The room had eventually filled up with about a dozen other guys who seemed completely nonplussed by my presence. I did not feel relaxed. Here I was, in some house with a guy I barely knew, sitting just inches from him on the floor. If I shifted even slightly, our legs would be touching. I sat like a statue for most of the first quarter.

Luckily, Edward did not seem to notice my discomfort. As soon as he looked at the TV, his focus was absolute. He was the most intense Giants fan I'd ever watched with. He seemed to physically suffer at every incomplete pass or defensive misstep and then became overwhelmed with joy at every good play. After 10 minutes of observing him more than the game, I started to laugh.

He glanced at me and said, "What?" in a confused way.

"Well, I've never seen anyone watch so . . . enthusiastically," I said with a slight giggle.

"Yeah, I do get pretty involved," he said, looking away from the TV only because they had gone to commercial. "Are you picking on me?" he asked, looking slightly offended.

"No, no, no criticism," I said, still laughing. "It's very . . . interesting."

By the start of the second quarter I finally relaxed a little and started to get involved in the game. At some point, Edward and I started high-fiving every positive play. Each time our hands touched, he flashed me a smile, but I blew it off, reminding myself that he knew that I had been in bed with my boyfriend about six hours earlier. Still, it was a thrill to have a cute guy touch me every time the Giants made a first down or ran back a return or pulled off a good defensive play.

By the end of the game, I was feeling much more comfortable with Edward_. _We laughed about the same dumb things said by the commentators and we cursed at the referees together when we disagreed with the calls. So, I was overjoyed when he offered to walk me back to my dorm so that he could carry my duffle bag. But I declined. "You don't have to do that," I said with as much conviction as I could muster. "You've already wasted enough of your day with me."

"Hardly a waste, Bella," he responded. I glanced at him; he actually sounded sincere. "Plus," he added in a joking tone, "how long would it take you carry that thing the few blocks to Old Campus? I think you packed everything you own for this weekend."

I tried to give him my irritated smile, but I think it just came out as a weird grimace. Either way, next thing I knew, he was walking me back to Durfee with my duffle on his shoulder. We crossed Park Street and Edward led me through a back gateway into his residential college, explaining that it would shorten the trip a bit if we cut through Davenport.

As we walked across the large manicured courtyard, Edward shifted my duffle to his other shoulder, and I suddenly felt like I needed to defend the size of my bag. "It's the two textbooks that make it so heavy," I explained as we crossed the grass and walked out the front gate onto York Street. "I don't understand why each class needs a five pound book."

As we jaywalked across York Street, Edward said "You took your work with you up to Brown when you were going to visit your boyfriend? Wow, he must be a real thrill a minute. Did you study in bed, too?"

"Shut up," I shot back without even thinking. "I'm a freshman. This is all still so new and I don't know how much time it will take to do my work yet, so, yes, Jacob and I spent some of our time studying. He was really nice about it, unlike you," I blasted at him. "And we did study in his bed," I finished.

"Whoa, sorry Bella. Didn't mean to wake the tiger," he said with a little laugh. He glanced over at me a few times to see if I'd calmed back down as walked on the pathway between two other residential colleges, Branford and Jonathan Edward. I glanced at the Gothic buildings all around me and took a deep breath.

"Sorry," I muttered after a few seconds. "That was a little too strong a reaction."

"So, how long have you been dating the considerate and supportive boyfriend?" Edward asked as we crossed High Street and walked through the gate into Old Campus.

"His name is Jacob. And we've been together since the middle of the summer," I replied, suddenly feeling very silly.

"Only a few months?" Edward asked in surprise. "The way he slobbered on you by the car this morning, I assumed it was two years."

_Ugh, the claim staking. So Edward had noticed that move and interpreted it exactly as Jacob had hoped. Guys are such morons._

"Yeah, well we've known each other almost that long. We just didn't exactly start dating until more recently . . ." I trailed off as we walked down one of the pathways that cut across the enormous courtyard in the center of Old Campus.

"Right in time for school to start and for you to be separated by about 100 miles of I-95," he said with more sympathy than I expected.

"Yeah," I said wistfully, glancing in the direction I thought led to Providence. Then I shook my head a bit, forcing myself to return to reality, to Old Campus. "So here we are, home sweet home," I said as I stopped in front of my entryway into Durfee. "Thank you for everything today: the ride, and the bagels, and the Giants game and the walk home. I was dreading leaving Providence and, somehow, passing the time with you made it a great day," I said awkwardly, alternately looking into Edward's sharp green eyes and staring at the ground.

"I had a lot of fun, too," he replied, looking down at me. "It was really a pleasure, Bella. I hope I get to see more of you," he added as he put my heavy bag down by my feet. Then he turned to leave, calling, "See ya," as he walked away.

I stared at him as he left, wondering what exactly had happened. Then I turned and picked up my bag and went back to my dorm room. I had a feeling I was about to have a lot of explaining to do.


	4. Chapter 4 Repurcussions

I walked up the flight of stairs to the landing in front my suite and unlocked the door. The suite was oddly quiet for a space that housed six girls. "Hello?" I called out tentatively as I walked through the common room and down the hallway toward my bedroom.

Rosalie called back from down the hall, "Bella, is that you?"

"Yeah. Hi, Rose," I replied as I finished lugging my bag to my room and then turned to stand in her doorway. Rose was sitting on her bed with a textbook balanced on her long skinny legs and a pile of crumpled up paper surrounding her. Even with her glasses on and her long blonde hair up in a messy twist, she was ridiculously beautiful. Hanging out with her was not great for the self-esteem. "Where is everybody?"

Rosalie ticked off the list on her fingers as she spoke. "Irina is at the library, of course, Carmen is at Jay's room, of course. I don't know where Mary is, of course. And Kate is at . . . church," Rosalie finished with a smirk. "And Bells, I have to admit, until you walked in, I would have guessed that you were still in bed with your boy toy."

"Rose-- " I started to protest.

"Kidding, Bella. Seriously, I was just starting to get a little worried. Didn't you say that you would be home this morning?" she asked with genuine concern.

"Rosalie, I had no idea you cared," I said jokingly. "Yes, I should have been back in the room hours ago. But I got a ride with these guys, Edward Cullen and Emmett McCarty, and one thing led to another and Edward and I wound up spending the day together . . ." I trailed off as I saw Rosalie's eyes widen in her face.

"Edward Cullen was your ride home from Brown? Totally cute Edward Cullen? Tall? Green eyes? Messy brown hair?" she screeched as she sat up straight on her bed, knocking over her books and pencils. " He's the guy I told you about in my music class that I try to sit near every time. And you got to spend hours with him?" she asked as I nodded yes. "Ooh, I wonder if Emmett is his friend with the hot body," she mused. "And one thing led to another? Shit, Bella. Straight from the booty call in Providence, you hop into to a quality sophomore's bed. Damn girl, I wouldn't have thought you had it in you," Rosalie finished, sounding somewhere between slightly horrified and impressed. "But he is pretty great looking, so I really can't blame you," she added grudgingly.

"Are you on crack, Rosalie?! There was no sex. Not in Providence with Jacob and not here with Edward. With Jacob, well, I don't really feel like giving you the gory details, but suffice to say, we do not know each other in the biblical way. And as for Edward, the things that led to other things were a bagel brunch, a Giants game and a walk home. So chill out!" I ended, much more loudly than I had meant. I immediately regretted the outburst. "Wait, did you say Kate was at church?" I asked with confusion, hoping to change the topic.

"Yes, she went with Tanya. Apparently the twins are supposed to go every Sunday. I think their dad called and found them in the room and gave them a major guilt trip. I told them we would all meet at Trumbull for dinner at 5:30. So you can save all the stories until dinner; then you won't have to repeat yourself," Rosalie ended with a wicked smile.

"Fine, Rose, fine," I replied grudgingly as I turned back to my room to unpack and get a bit of studying done before dinner.

"But Bella," she called as I pulled my Biology textbook from my duffle, "I expect a play by play recounting of your weekend, especially the parts that make you blush," she said with a giggle.

. . . . .

I chewed on my lip as we waited in line at the entrance to the kitchen in Trumbull dining hall. While the others chatted, I stared at the options on display in the warming trays: chicken in some supposedly Asian style sauce, nasty looking fried rice, tofu tacos, what appeared to be reheated baked ziti, overcooked string beans. Ugh. _How was I supposed to find food to eat here? How did anyone "maintain their goal weight"?_ And the choice was even harder when I was already anxious about the interrogation that I would be getting from the girls. I decided to go with the faux Chinese food and get a big salad. _Hopefully they won't comment on my dinner choice, too. I don't think I can handle the cross-examination on two fronts._

We sat down at one of the long wooden tables that filled Trumbull's gothic style dining hall. I glanced at the cathedral windows and considered the option of jumping out of one and running away. _We're on the ground floor. It wouldn't be a far jump to the sidewalk._ _But it would be a big waste of effort. They would probably just corner me back at the room. _

Rose gave me a big leering smile and dove into her food. I picked at my dinner, waiting for the questions to begin, but the others talked about Kate and Tanya's tennis match and plotted ways for the twins to avoid church the following week. Finally, just when I thought I might escape, Rose, Kate and Tanya started peppering me with questions, which I answered in as few words as possible. I really hated being the center of attention.

"Come on, Bella, you're taking all the fun out of this for us," Kate complained. "Just give us a few juicy details. Please?"

"Fine, fine," I replied grudgingly. "On Friday night we went to a party on Jacob's hall with his roommate. There was nothing but beer, which you know I don't like, but I drank it anyway because we played a lot of drinking games, and, you know, I get kind of competitive," I said with a blush, looking at the girls to see if this was the kind of story they had in mind.

Rose laughed at that admission. Then Kate nodded and smiled to encourage me to continue. "So, at some point there were only nine or ten people left in the room, and someone started a game of Asshole. The asshole had to wear this ridiculous hat and there were all these other dumb but hilarious rules, and I was actually President for, like, half the game. I had Jake's roommate Embry stuck in the asshole hat for at least half an hour. He was so pissed because I made his address me as "Your Honor" or "Your Excellency" the whole time, and he kept forgetting and getting punished. And then once I was out of the top spot, I think I was like Vice-Vice or Vice Assistant or something, anyway, I gave this kiss ass toast to the guy who was President, so he told me to drink for being obsequious. We were all dying laughing. Definitely one of those 'only in the Ivy League' moments."

The girls laughed, so I felt a little better about having to tell stories. _Plus, if I was talking, I couldn't really eat, and that was fine by me. Which it shouldn't be, but . . ._ I looked down at my tray. Most of my shitty dinner was sitting there untouched. Then Tanya asked, "Did you actually go to the football game? Or where you too hung over?"

"Yeah, we went to the game. Jake took me to a tailgate set up by some guys he knows from class or something. I don't remember who they were exactly. Just that they had munchkins and screwdrivers. Breakfast of champions," I added with a grin.

"And you know, nothing is a better cure for a hangover than another drink," Kate added.

"Yeah," I said with a chuckle. "So, we went into the stadium just after the game started. And we left early. Yale vs. Brown is not exactly high quality football," I said with a shrug. "Then we went back to Jake's room and napped."

"Just napped?" Rose asked with raised eyebrows.

"Ugh. Yes, you perv," I said with fake disgust. I turned in an exaggerated manner so that my back was to Rose and I leaned forward so that I was closer to Kate and Tanya. "Anyway, on Saturday night we went to a Chinese restaurant with some of Jacob's friends and shared a scorpion bowl. Have you ever had one of those?" When all three girls shook their heads no, I continued. "It was really fun. It's this giant drink in a big shallow bowl – I think it was a couple kinds of rum and fruit juice and lots of ice – and we each got these super long straws and drank out of the one bowl. It was so hysterical. As we got drunk, it got harder to manage the giant straws and we kept spitting at each other and back into the bowl. And Jacob and I fooled around a lot, really a lot, but I still didn't, you know, sleep with him" I slipped in at the end as I leaned back in my chair. I knew that was what they really wanted to know.

"I can't believe you didn't go all the way when you were in his bed overnight for two nights! And drunk most of the time!" Kate said with a look of surprise. "Are you still a virgin?"

"Kate, I lost my virginity about 3 years ago, so unless it grows back, no, there is no barrier to entry here."

"So what are you waiting for?" she asked with wide eyes.

"I'm waiting for . . ." I paused. _Did I want to get into the whole sordid story? Maybe I'd drop them a few bits and hope for fewer follow up questions._ I looked up at one of the giant chandeliers and took a deep breath. Somehow, talking about my sex life in a room that looked like it was part of a church or library added to my general discomfort. "Did I tell you guys yet exactly how I met Jacob?"

Rosalie rubbed her hands together in anticipation. All three leaned in closer. "This is a good beginning, Bella," Tanya said.

"So, he used to date Jessica, my best friend from home." I paused to smile without happiness at their gaping jaws. _They are going to think I'm a totally jackass when this story is over._

"You stole your best friend's boyfriend?!" Kate yelped. Rose kind of shrugged. "It happens, you know," she said.

We all looked at Rose in shock, but she waved her hand to indicate that the attention needed to stay focused on me. _Whoa, we'd have to get to that story later. But now back to defending myself._ "I didn't steal him. Jake and Jessica had already broken up when Jake and I started dating. They'd been broken up for over 6 months actually, and Jessica had started dating this guy Tyler . . ." I explained.

"So if they had broken up, what's the problem?" Rose asked.

_Well, for one thing, Jessica dumped Jake. So I feel a little like I'm taking her sloppy seconds. And even worse, I worry that he still has feelings for her. And they were each other's first loves._ But I said, "I feel a little funny about it. Like Jessica will be mad at me when she comes to her senses. And I didn't want to be in a long distance relationship when I started college."

"Well, you might not be for much longer," Rose said with a smirk. I looked at her blankly. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Don't tell me that the day with Edward Cullen hasn't changed your perspective a bit on the Jacob situation," Rose replied.

"What?" Tanya asked and looked from Rose to me and back again.

I turned red and jumped up from the table. "I need another drink," I said as I quickly walked away. _This I could not sit through_.

Rose was super excited to tell this part of the story, so she did not care that I lingered by the soda dispenser for far longer than necessary to get a diet Coke. To her disappointment, neither of the twins knew Edward, but they were impressed by Rose's glowing description of him. I got the odd sense they were looking at me to see if they had missed something about my physical appearance – checking to see if I were better looking than they originally noticed. I glanced at my reflection in the dining hall windows; I looked just like any other day: same long wavy brown hair, same brown eyes, same heart shaped face, same completely blah body. Whatever.

I returned to the table with my lips in a tight line. "OK, the 'discuss Bella's love life portion' of this meal is now over," I announced in a voice leaving no room for interpretation.

Rose gave a dramatic sigh, but complied. "So Tanya, what trouble did you get into last night?" she asked. _Thank god. A new target._ I let my mind wander as Tanya talked about the frat party that she and her roommate Jane had stayed at until late in the night.

Eventually, we finished up dinner and everyone grudgingly headed back to Old Campus. We all had mountains of work to get done. Sunday nights suck.

As I let myself into my room, I suddenly realized that I had never called Jacob when I got back to Yale. I pulled my dead phone out of my bag and plugged it into the charger. As it glowed back to life, I hit the voicemail button. Argh. There were four messages.

"Hey Bella. It's me. It's around 1pm. Thought you'd be home already. I miss you. Hope the ride wasn't too boring. Call me."

Delete. I hit the button to get to the next message.

"Hey Bells. Jake again. It's 2:30. Call me."

Delete. And the next:

"OK, Bella, now I'm beginning to get a little worried. It is 4:30pm. Where the hell are you? Please call me."

Delete. And finally,

"Bella, it's Edward. You left your jacket in my car. Call me so I can drop it off."

I froze for a second after I heard the last message. Then I shook my head. _Don't be a moron. He is just calling to give back your clothing. He's probably some sort of neat freak about his car. _

I picked up my cell and pushed the speed dial for Jacob. He answered in one ring.

"Bella, where the fuck have you been? I was getting kind of freaked out!" Jacob growled immediately.

"Jake, I'm so sorry that I forgot to call sooner. I forgot that my battery was dead, so when the phone didn't ring, I didn't think anything of it," I replied, lamely.

"But when you went to call me when you got back to Yale, how did you not remember then?" Jacob accused.

"Well, I didn't think to call right away . . . I got distracted. I actually had a great day. Much better than I expected, so don't be angry, please," I begged. "You know how nervous I was to come back to Yale after seeing you, so I guess I focused really hard on what I was doing to stop from dwelling on missing you."

"Well, that makes me feel a little better," Jacob admitted grudgingly. "What did you do that was so entertaining that it could block me out of your mind?" he asked with a little laugh in his tone.

"Oh, just New York bagels and a Giants game," I explained through a big smile and a blush. _Wait, I was blushing?_

"They had bagels at Trumbull for brunch?" Jacob asked with honest curiosity.

"Well, no, not at Trumbull. Edward and Emmett told me that the Kosher Kitchen has a bagel brunch every Sunday with real bagels. Isn't that great? So I went! And they were delicious," I explained.

"Did Rosalie meet you there?" Jacob asked. He knew that I hated to eat alone.

"No, it was, uh, Angela," I lied before I could stop myself. _Crap. Why was I lying to Jacob? Why should it matter if I had brunch with Edward? It's not like it meant anything. But now how could I explain watching the game with him? Shit, shit, shit. Why do I get myself into these situations?_

"… a few days." Jacob said. _Shoot, I hadn't been paying attention – what was he talking about?_

"Uh huh," I replied, hoping that was an appropriate response.

"Bells, are you listening to me?" Jacob asked.

_Busted._ "Yeah, of course. I was, um, just unpacking my bag, too."

"Bella, I know it is not news to you that you are, like, the world's worst liar," he started. My heart skipped a beat. _Holy shit! How could he know already? Did he have a spy cam on me?_ "I know you're not paying attention to what I'm saying," he continued.

I breathed an audible sigh of relief. _He only thought I was lying about zoning, not about how, or with whom, I spent my day._

"Yeah, Jake, I'm sorry. You're right that talking on the phone is not the same as in person. I'm sorry that I zoned."

"Don't sweat it Bells. I was just telling you how much my friends enjoyed meeting you. Embry, Quil, Rachel and Leah all had a blast at China Echo on Saturday. And Embry was very impressed by your performance at Asshole. I've never seen him stuck in that hat for so many rounds. He's looking forward to your next visit to redeem himself!"

I laughed at the "compliment." Friday night had been so much fun. I hadn't told the girls about the game of "questions" we'd played afterwards. I had whipped out some of my foulest language. It was my secret weapon for drinking games. I have a baby face, so it always takes people by surprise when they hear my filthy mouth the first time.

"I'm so glad that they liked me, Jake. There is nothing worse than when your friends don't like your girlfriend," I replied sincerely. "But, I really should go. I still have so much work to do."

"Good night Bella," Jacob said sweetly. "I miss you so much already. I can't wait for our next weekend. I can't wait to get my hands on you again."

"Me either," I said longingly. My Jacob. We'd had a great weekend. And it was so comfortable to talk to him and spend time with him. So easy. "Sweet dreams."

I hung up and tried to do some of my work, but I kept glancing at my phone, thinking about my other voicemail. After debating how long I needed to wait to call back so as to not seem too eager, I finally made a deal with myself that I would call Edward about my coat at 9:30pm. Not too early, not too late.

I glanced at the clock repeatedly between 8pm and 9pm, willing the time to pass so that I could make my call without breaking my resolution. I was amazed that I managed to pay enough attention to my calculus problem set to get it done before the 9:30 deadline. Finally at 9:20, I gave in and called.

"Hello Bella," Edward answered.

_Caller ID took all the mystery out of phone calls_. "Hi Edward," I replied. "I, uh, got your message about my coat."

"Oh, yeah. Actually, I dropped it off already. I came by Durfee, but no one answered at your suite, so I left it with some girls across the hall," he explained.

"Oh, wow, thanks. You really didn't have to do that," I said with what was surely an audible tinge of disappointment. _Crap. I had been looking forward making plans to meet him to get my coat. There goes that great idea_.

"Oh, it was no big deal. I was walking to Durfee to get a flurry anyway," he said. "I don't know how you resist going down to the Sweet Shop every night. I would put on 10 pounds if I lived above that place," he finished with a laugh.

_You have no idea how much I hate that I live above a store that sells ice cream and cookies late into the night._ "Yeah, it's a temptation," I answered more honestly than he could know. "I usually try to pretend it's not there," I admitted.

"Denial. Always a good strategy," he laughed.

"You have no idea," I replied lightly. _Seriously, you have no idea_. "Anyway, thanks so much for returning my coat. That was so nice of you and really unnecessary. I would have come to get it myself."

"No biggie. I just figured you would want it ASAP, sort of being from Florida and all."

I laughed once. "Funny. Yeah, I don't think having a parent in Florida makes me intolerant of the weather by proxy! But I am cold most of the time, so, um, anyway, that's not important." _ Crap, I'm rambling!_ "So, I'll let you go. Thanks again," I said and abruptly hung up. _Oh my god, I am such a loser. So what if he's cute? Can't you just hold a conversation without going retarded?_

I slapped myself on the side of the head and sat down in front of my computer. _Maybe working on my English Lit paper would distract me from this idiocy_. I popped my iPod into its dock and hit play on the Jacob playlist. The first song came on – Layla. One of my all time favorites. I immediately thought of the day that Jacob and I had gone searching for a vinyl copy of the Derek and the Dominoes album in some subterranean music shop in the Village. I had almost fallen down the stairs into the store and we were laughing so hard as we wandered through the rows of old records that the owners probably thought we were high. Not that that would have bothered anyone there!

I chuckled to myself and smiled at the picture of Jacob and me that was the wallpaper on my computer screen. He had his arms wrapped around me and we both had these big silly grins on our faces. Jessica took that picture of us at the beach, right after we confessed to her that we wanted to start dating and asked her permission. She was so cool about it – she literally gave us her blessing. And to prove it, she orchestrated the photo shoot, egging Jake on to kiss me for the camera. We were laughing so hard, it was impossible to get into a romantic pose. So she gave up on us and just took a picture of our giggling.

_There, back to thinking about the guy I want to be thinking about. And not pointlessly dwelling on the one I spent the day with. _


	5. Chapter 5 The Not Date

**A/N: Still working on figuring out this website! I keep forgetting how to add the author's note. I'm sure I'll have it down pat by chapter 10 or so.**

**Thank you to everyone who has favorited this story or put me on author alert or story alert. I really appreciate it! And thank you for the reviews. The feedback is wonderful.**

**I've also posted this story on Twilighted - it is at chapter 12 there, so if you are dying to know what happens, you go over there. Once I catch up on this site, I'll post on Twilighted first (my beta is thru them) and then here a day or two later.**

**Flibbins - if you are reading here too - thank you for your awesome work on this chapter. You improved it tremendously.  
**

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I spent the next few days at Yale glancing at every face that I passed as I walked between classes. I didn't admit to myself that I was looking for Edward – my body knew what it was up to, even if my mind did not want to accept it. I found myself taking alternate routes to my classes, hoping that my path would accidentally cross his. Of course, I had no idea what I would do once I found him – I would probably just make a fool of myself, babbling something incoherent.

By Thursday, I was starting to feel a little depressed. Jacob recognized my change of tone in our phone calls, but he blamed it on my missing him, and I let him, since it was partially true. I really wanted to see Jake that weekend, but I knew I had a least one more weekend to wait. But I did not tell him that it was not the only thing on my mind. What was I going to do? Tell Jake that I was also down because I had some weird interest in the guy who drove me home from visiting him?

I spent much of the weekend in the same funk, constantly glancing around at the crowds of strangers, hoping that one of them would be a tall guy with messy brown hair and bright green eyes. It is not that big of a campus! How could I miss seeing him anywhere I went? The problem was, I couldn't admit to anyone what I was up to, not even myself. So I didn't go the few places that I could have almost guaranteed a sighting, like the tailgates for the Yale-Columbia football game on Saturday or the Fire and Ice frat party that half the campus was planning to attend on Friday night. Somehow, I was convinced that our meeting needed to be an accident. Then I wouldn't give him the impression that I wanted to see him.

By Sunday, I knew that I needed a distraction. Something to keep me from wishing I was with Jacob and wondering about Edward. My "lucky break" came from an unexpected source – Mara, one of the girls across the hall, came by our suite to see if any of us wanted to work on a play. She was (already?) dating a guy who was directing a drama and he needed a props person. I jumped at the opportunity – I had been a stage crew geek in high school and I loved it. When Mara told me that the show was going to rehearse and perform in a converted theater in the basement of Davenport – Edward's residential college – I knew it was destiny.

I left for my first rehearsal on Monday night. I practically flew out of my room with excitement – I was sure that I would run into Edward on my way to rehearsal. I walked the block and a half from Old Campus with a funny bounce in my step that probably looked like a spastic form of skipping. And I felt like my heart was beating just a bit too fast. I got to Davenport's gothic entrance and waited impatiently for someone who lived there to come along and unlock the gate. Finally, a few girls walked out of the college and held the door open for me. I walked as calmly as I could through the archway, barely resisting the urge to break into a run. I stepped into the Georgian style courtyard, looked around quickly and saw . . . nothing. There was no one I recognized at all. I glanced toward the entrance of the dining hall, but a quick scan of the students walking in and out revealed no one familiar. Well, at least not the one familiar person I was looking for.

I was totally and illogically crushed. I realized that I had been sure that I would just walk into his college and find Edward lounging against a wall waiting for me, maybe like James Dean in an old movie. I blinked a few times, swallowed and crossed through the courtyard to the entryway that I had been told led to the basement theater. I knocked on the entryway door and waited for someone to let me in, feeling temporarily stunned.

After a few seconds, a guy came out of his suite and opened the door for me. I gave him a quick fake smile and walked inside. As I headed down the stairs to the basement, the waves of depression started to wash over me and the internal berating began.

_I can't believe what a freakin' idiot I am. I really thought I would just find this guy waiting around for me? And why do I care? I have a boyfriend, for Christ's sake. One that really knows me and likes me anyway. Maybe loves me. But that is not the point. Why am I getting myself so worked up about some guy who probably doesn't even remember who I am?_

While I sulked, I wandered around in the basement looking for the right room. Mara had said it would be obvious. The first door I opened led to a room that looked like it was a dumping ground for random exercise equipment. There an archaic treadmill, a stationary bike where the wheel appeared to be a fan, and a rowing machine that could substitute as a torture device in Gitmo. I actually snickered out loud at the idea of anyone coming to this room to work out. Easy to see why this gym wasn't overflowing with the physically fit!

As I stood in the doorway, I heard voices echoing softly the down the hallway. I quickly left the gym equipment graveyard and walked toward the sounds. After I rounded the corner, I found a door propped open by a folding chair. I slipped into the room without catching the attention of the five or so people standing around and talking. Ilooked for Mara, but she wasn't there.

"Hello?" I said to no one in particular.

A guy with his back to me turned around and said, "Hey, you're Bella, right? The frosh who agreed to do props?"

"Yeah, that's me," I responded.

"Great! I'm Eric Yorkie, the director." He crossed the space and shook my hand. "Thrilled to meet you! So, do you have any experience doing this kind of stuff?" he asked.

I wasn't feeling particularly confident and I definitely was not in the mood to start selling myself to some stranger. "Well, I was in stage crew in a couple shows in high school. I've never been in charge of props before, but--"

He cut me off. "That's fine. No problem. We really just need someone to take this on – the show is in four weeks. You can get it done by then, right?" he asked.

Without waiting for an answer, he pressed on. "Why don't you grab a copy of the script, read through it, and make a list of props that we need; we can go over it together on Wednesday and talk about where you can find some of the stuff," he finished as he gestured to a pile of papers on one of the plastic chairs on risers at one end of the room. Then he turned back to the two guys on the stage and started talking to them.

"Um, sure, I guess that sounds good," I replied mostly to myself as I walked over to the seats that he had indicated and picked up a copy of the script. "I'll see you in two days," I said without much enthusiasm. Eric glanced at me and nodded, then immediately turned back to the guys who were apparently the actors.

I turned around and trudged back down the hallway, up the entryway stairs and out into the courtyard. I paused after the entryway door slammed behind me and I stared toward the D'port gate. It was so much earlier than I expected to leave – I wasn't sure what to do now. _Should I go back to my room and then head to the library and do some reading? Or just stay in my room once I got there?_ I stood in place twirling my hair in my fingers while I tried to decide where to go.

"Are you lost?" a familiar voice asked with a little laugh.

My head snapped around and I gasped. Edward was standing behind me in the entryway, holding the door open. "Edward? What are you doing here?" I asked stupidly.

"I live here, you know. I should be the one asking you that question," he replied with a grin.

"Right. Of course. I, uh, I'm working on a play down there," I replied as I waved the script and awkwardly pointed toward the set of stairs behind him that led down to the basement. My cheeks burned scarlet.

"You're an actress?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, no, no. Definitely not! No, I just agreed to do the props for this show. No on stage time for me," I answered, feeling incredibly lame.

"What show? Is it anything I've heard of?"

"I doubt it. It's called Orphans. Just a three man cast, not a big Broadway musical or anything," I said as I held up the script with the show's title on the front. "I'd never heard of it before yesterday," I explained as I shrugged. Then I glanced over my shoulder back toward the college gate.

Edward followed my gaze toward the exit. "Are you in a hurry to be somewhere?" he asked.

"Oh, no. Actually, it's the opposite. I was just trying to figure out what to do now. I thought I'd be at rehearsal for a couple hours and I wasn't even there for 10 minutes." Edward looked like he expected me to keep talking, so I continued. "It was my first night and the director just handed me the script and told me to come back with a list of props for us to discuss. A little bit less of a warm welcome than I expected. So, now I'm at loose ends . . . I guess I'll go back to my room and study," I trailed off.

"Studying. That's a good use of time. I should try that," he said with his funny crooked grin.

I smiled at his joke. "What, no work for you to do? What were you going to do to pass the evening?"

"It's a tough choice. I have a meeting in an hour or so. Maybe I'll get Liam – he lives in the suite above mine - to play XBox with me. Or just listen to some music and read more about yesterday's games. There's this columnist I love, the Sports Guy, on . Ever heard of him?" When I shook my head no, he continued. "He's really hilarious and he's a massive Pats fan, so I can't wait to read what he has to say about their loss to the Bills yesterday," he ended with a wicked grin.

"Well, don't let me keep you from playing video games or glorying in other people's pain," I said with a smirk.

"Yeah, you're a real drag. Sitting by myself in my room right now in front of my computer would be so much better than standing here talking to you," he said with another crooked smile. "Maybe I'll see you again tomorrow?"

_Shit, that smile_. My heart did a weird flip flop. "Tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yeah, for your rehearsal. Don't you and the orphans have one tomorrow?"

"Yes. No. I mean, they do, but I don't. I don't have to come back until Wednesday," I sputtered, filled again with that irrational disappointment.

"Then you would be free to have dinner with me tomorrow night?" he said, more as a statement than a question.

I stared at him for a second before I remembered how to speak. "I, yeah, um sure, I'm free," I said with a small smile. I had no idea if I'd made dinner plans with someone else, but I didn't care. I would cancel.

"OK, great, I'll meet you at the Davenport gate at 6:30pm," he said with a confident smile.

"Sure. 6:30pm. See you tomorrow," I said with a shy grin. Then I awkwardly turned and started to walk back across the courtyard toward the college gate.

. . . . .

I floated back to Old Campus thinking about my dinner plans for the following night. _Edward wanted to have dinner with me. How awesome!_ My night had had quite a turn around.

"Hey Rose," I yelled as I walked back into the suite.

"That was quick," she replied. "I thought you were going to rehearsal for that play," she said curiously.

"Yeah, the director just gave me a copy of the script and told me to come back on Wednesday. Kind of pointless going over there," I said with mild annoyance. "Well, not totally pointless," I added. "I bumped into Edward," I said as walked into her room and sat down on her bed.

Rose spun around in her desk chair and leaned forward with a huge grin on her face. "You 'bumped' into Edward?! I knew you only agreed to do that play so that you would have a reason to go to Davenport!" she practically shouted in glee.

"You really have a one track mind, Rose. No, I agreed to do props for Orphans because I like working on shows. The D'port thing was just a . . . lucky coincidence," I said, sounding like a liar even to myself.

"Yeah, whatever you say," she answered with a wink. "So, did you two have a nice chat?"

"Actually, we did. And he asked me to have dinner with him tomorrow night."

"And you said . . ." she asked, leaning toward me with a look of anticipation.

"Well, I said yes, of course. I've eaten almost all my meals in Trumbull for a month – I'm just excited to eat in another dining hall." Rose gave me an odd look and I suddenly got nervous. "Wait, Rose, you're not mad are you? We didn't have plans, did we?"

"Oh, no, no. I'll eat with Kate or Charlotte. But you think you are just going to eat at D'port together, maybe sitting with his suitemates? You don't think it's a date?" she asked.

"No, definitely not. It's not like that. He's not interested in me. He knows I have a boyfriend. I mean, he drove me home from Brown, from visiting Jacob. We are just friends," I said a bit defensively.

"If you say so," she replied as she shrugged and spun her chair back to face her desk.

I rolled off her bed and walked across the hall into my room. _Rose was totally off base. This was not a date. Edward and I would hang out and chat about . . . whatever. _I really liked Edward, liked him as a person, not just because was cute and had an awesome smile. I felt more comfortable with him than I had felt with almost anyone else I'd met at Yale. _Surely, he knew that we couldn't be more than friends. Right?_

………..

After stressing all day about the dinner, I was nervous wreck by the time I left the suite to walk over to Davenport to meet Edward. First of all, there was the date issue. _This couldn't be a date, right? I mean, who dates anymore? You hang out, you hook up. But a dinner date? Not happening. _And then there was the eating part. Another source of stress_. He seemed pretty perceptive – would he notice my anxiety?_ I had checked out the dinner menu in Trumbull, and it didn't look like too much of a challenge. _But what if D'port had a different menu? I had no idea if that stuff was consistent among colleges._ I started to feel nauseous. _Shit! This was going to be horrible. I'll just cancel when I get there. No, I'll call him on his cell and cancel. No, I'll text him. No discussion – no explanation. That is the best plan._

I stopped walking and grabbed my phone out of my bag. I turned around and starting walking back up York Street while I scrolled for his number so I could send the text. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a silver car pull over near me.

"Hey, need a ride?" someone asked as I looked up, startled. Edward was in the driver seat of his Volvo with his window rolled all the way down.

"Oh, hi. I was, uh, just going to text you," I said with a guilty look on my face as I jerkily waved my phone in his direction.

"Because you needed directions? I didn't think anyone could get lost going from Old Campus to Davenport, but you are going the wrong way. Or were you planning to cancel?" he asked with a smile, like that wasn't even a possibility.

"Um, yeah, to cancel," I said without meeting his eyes.

"Why?" he asked with surprise and a bit of anger in his tone.

I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders. "It's stupid. I don't know." I looked at the ground and dragged the front of my right shoe against the sidewalk. I glanced back at his face, and he looked perplexed. "My suitemate Rose has been on my case all day that this is a 'date' and I got all stressed, but I was coming anyway, and then I thought I should just cancel and go back home" I explained in a rush as Edward got out of the car.

"A date? Do you want this to be a date?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

I guess the horrified look on my face answered the question, since Edward immediately laughed and said, "Don't worry, it's not a date." Then he led me around to the passenger side of his car and opened the door for me. "I hope you like Japanese food," he said as he ushered me in and then slammed the door.

When he climbed back into the driver's seat, I looked at him in surprise. "Wait, we're going out to dinner? In a restaurant?" I asked.

"Yes, we are eating in a restaurant," he said as he looked at me in confusion. "What did you think I meant by asking you to join me for dinner? That I was cooking? And why did you think I was in my car?"

"Well, I hadn't fully processed the fact of the car, yet. But as for dinner, I thought we were going to eat together in Davenport," I admitted, blushing.

"And you were worried that this was a date? No wonder you were anxious. I would have to be pretty lame to ask you on a date to my college cafeteria!" he laughed as he pulled away from the curb. "No, we are going to a place in Hamden that my boss really likes. You do like Japanese food, right?"

"Yeah, I love sushi. Wait, you have a boss? You have a job?" I asked.

"I didn't tell you about that?" he asked as he glanced at me. "I'm shocked. It's usually one of the first things I tell anyone who will listen! I have the greatest job available in New Haven. I work at Quality Wine."

"The liquor store on Broadway?" I asked in shock. "Does that mean you can get alcohol for me?"

"Nice. Way to make it all about you," he said with a laugh. "No, I never supply booze for anyone underage. Elliot, he's my boss, only lets underage guys work there because we promise not to get anything for our friends. He would lose his liquor license if any of us got caught. But he does let us drink anything we want when we are in the store after hours," he said with a big grin.

"How did you get that job? That is so much better than my bursar's job in the computer science department! Is he still hiring?"

"Elliot never has girls work at the store," Edward stated.

"What, is he some kind of sexist? That shit is illegal, you know!" I said in mostly fake indignation.

"God, you Yale girls are always ready to think the worst of anyone who happens to have a penis!" he spat out in disgust. "Elliot's the nicest guy on the planet. But he's a realist. Part of my job is unloading full kegs from a delivery truck into the store's basement. He's never met a girl who could do that. But if he found one, and there was an opening, I sure he'd consider her," he said as if such a thing was ridiculous to even contemplate. "Can you lift a keg?" he asked.

"No. I don't even really like beer!" I answered with a laugh.

"Then I guess my job is still safe, for now," he said with a grin.

A few minutes later Edward pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant called Ichi Riki. He quickly hopped out of his seat and started to walk around the car to me, but paused when he saw me already standing next to the car door and slamming it shut. He sort of shrugged and led the way into the restaurant.

I looked around the place. It was small, just a dozen tables, if that, and a small sushi bar. It was decorated in a typical way for a Japanese restaurant – some bamboo, posters with pictures of sushi, and a couple ceramic cats each holding up one paw. It looked a lot like my favorite Japanese restaurant in New City, so I felt almost comfortable as we waited to be seated.

But once we were led to our table and sat facing each other, I got nervous again. Eating in front of a stranger was such a nightmare. And the menu was expensive. How much was I about to spend? I only earned $60 week. _Crap, crap, crap_.

"So, you want to share some rolls?" Edward asked as he looked at the menu. He seemed completely comfortable.

"Sure, that sounds great," I answered.

"How about some negimake and edamame, too?"

"OK," I said without conviction, as I stared at my menu and fidgeted.

"What's wrong?" he suddenly asked. "Do you not really like Japanese food? We could have gone somewhere else you know," he said with a bit of panic in his voice.

"No, no, this is fine. It's nothing," I lied.

Edward kind of squinted sideways at me, then shrugged his shoulders. When the waiter came over, he placed our order, saying the Japanese words as if he actually spoke the language.

"Do you speak Japanese?" I asked.

"Yes, sort of. I'm learning anyway. It's my third semester in the intensive intro class. Another thing I usually tell people at the first opportunity. What did we talk about when we met?"

"Glad that I made such a lasting impression," I said sarcastically.

"Trust me, you made quite an impression. I think you dazzled me with your Giants rooting prowess, so I forgot what I said, not what you said," he replied with a smile.

I looked at him with my eyebrows knitted together. _Was he teasing me?_ "So, um, why do you want to learn Japanese?"

"So that I can take girls to this restaurant and impress them," he said with a huge grin. When I smiled, he continued. "I kind of have this plan of getting my M.B.A. and working in Asian financial markets. So learning Japanese seemed like a good idea. And Chinese just seemed too hard," he ended with a laugh.

"Wow. I'm barely getting through basic conversational Spanish! Japanese - that's amazing."I paused while I thought about trying to learn Japanese, then I realized that Edward seemed to be waiting for me to speak, so I grabbed the first topic that came to mine. "So, um, what did you do this weekend?"

Edward smiled at my obvious attempt to keep up the conversation. "My sister, Alice, came up from Pratt with one of her roommates to visit me," he said as a weird look flitted momentarily across his face. Then he brightened again. "Alice is a freshman, like you. She's awesome. You would love her."

_A freshman like me. Somehow I doubted that we had much in common_. _ Would she panic over a sushi menu?_ I gave an infinitesimal shake of my head to clear away those thoughts and said instead, "Wait, your sister is a freshman in college? You guys are so close in age! She's only a year younger than you? Real Irish twins!"

"Yeah, I've never heard that one before. So clever," he said with a smile, easing the sting of the sarcastic tone. "We're 18 months apart. I believe it was a mistake on parents' part, but they've never admitted it, my dad being a doctor and all."

"That is cool, though! Are you guys really close friends or do you fight like crazy, being just one grade apart?" I asked.

"Well, we used to hate each other, but at some point in high school, we realized that we could be mutually advantageous to each other, meeting each other's friends and such," he said with a laugh. "We became much better friends after that. Well, maybe less so after this weekend," he said with a bit of chagrin.

Suddenly, I understood the look that had crossed his face earlier. "Oh, no, you didn't . . . go there with her roommate, did you?"

"No. Well, a little. All we did was hook up, but it was in my room, while my sister was sleeping in the common room," he said with a bit of a blush.

"You are a pig. Alice must be ready to kill you."

"How did you guess," Edward replied dryly.

"And her roommate . . . whose name is? Or did you not get it?"

"That's cold. No, I got it. It was Siobhan. She was very nice. And cute. And very giggly. It wasn't fair. Alice can't bring a horny, drunk girl to my room and tell her to take off her clothes and climb on to my roommate's bed and expect me to just . . . do nothing. It's like leaving a 100 year old bottle of scotch around and telling me not to take a taste."

"You realize you just compared yourself to an alcoholic, like that would make the story more palatable?"

"Yeah, OK, maybe that wasn't the best analogy," Edward admitted with a laugh. "Anyway, I don't know why Alice is so bent out of shape. Siobhan didn't seem too upset, at least at the time," Edward said with a smug look.

I gaped at Edward for a moment, then I regained my composure. "Well, are you going to call her or anything?" I asked.

"Yeah, I speak to my sister all the time," Edward said.

"Not Alice, you bonehead. Siobhan. Are you going to 'stay in touch' with her?" I asked with raised eyebrows as I made little quotes with my fingers.

"Oh, her. Probably not. I mean, if she answers the phone in their room . . ." Edward trailed off.

"Oh my god, I would be so bitter if I were your sister," I replied, shaking my head.

"I would be bitter, too," he said with a smirk. "Probably not for the same reason."

"Ha! After that story, not a chance," I retorted.

There was a weird pause in the conversation while we each though over what the other had just said. _Well, that solves the mystery. He must just flirt out of habit. But this not a date and he is clearly not interested in me, because if he were, he would never tell me about hooking up with his sister's roommate, like two days ago. Which is just what I wanted, right? Right? _

Edward was the first to try to break the awkward silence that had settled. "So, what did you do this weekend?" he asked. "Obviously, I didn't see you anywhere I went. Did your Jacob come down?"

"No, 'my' Jacob was not around. On Friday I went with my friend Angela to see a show that we knew some people in. And on Saturday night I went to the DKE toga party with my suitemates Rosalie and Kate," I replied curtly.

Edward raised his eyebrows and quipped, "Toga party?"

I blushed and suddenly felt the need to defend myself. "There are a few freshman guys on the football team who live right below us in Durfee and they are all pledging DKE. And the pledges all had to BYOG – Bring Your Own Goddess. So, Rose, Kate and I agreed to be their goddesses," I explained. I thought about the party for a moment. _Rose and I actually had blast wrapping ourselves in our sheets and making little crowns of leaves and stuff for our hair. Kate didn't like it. She wore her jeans and a long sleeve shirt underneath her toga. Weird._

"Was it fun?" Edward asked, looking at me in funny way.

"Yeah, it was great. We were at the DKE house really late. I think we were within minutes from having to scale the Elm Street gate to get back onto Old Campus. It is such a pain to walk all the way around to the College Street entrance, but it would have been tough to climb the gate in a toga."

"Yes, I suppose it would," Edward mused. "I would have liked to see that."

"Me climbing over Elm Street gate in a toga?" I asked in annoyance.

"No. I would have liked to see you in a toga," he said with a grin.

"Well, next time the DKE guys throw that party, I'll make sure you get an evite," I replied, shaking my head. Now I was really confused. _He just admitted to his second hook up in as many weekends and now he was sort of hitting on me? Did he think I was a one night stand kind of girl? _

Before I could work through that issue, the waiter arrived with our food. He placed the negimake and edamame on the table and my thoughts immediately switched gears. _You can handle this_, I told myself. _I ate a bagel in front of him once and kept it down. So no need to panic now._ _Well, really it was only half a bagel. And that was brunch – only two meals that day. This is the third meal and I did not count on this food when I ate lunch. Stupid grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. I totally should have skipped that and just had a salad. _My internal rehashing of my day's menu was interrupted when the waiter returned with a plate of elaborate rolls. _How much food had Edward ordered?_ I felt my breathing get shallow and my heart start to pound.

Edward reached over and took my little plate and started to fill it. Before I could stop myself, I said, "Oh, wait, negimake is beef? I don't really eat red meat." _Totally stupid lie. He would bust me immediately._

But he didn't. He just asked, "Then why did you let me order it?" with noticeable annoyance. "I could have gotten something that you would like, you know," he said as he pushed the pieces of steak and scallion on to his plate. "Well, then you will have to do more than your fair share on the edamame and sushi," he insisted.

I swallowed hard and took my plate. _More than my fair share? Trust me, you don't want to see that._ I took a piece of edamame and popped the beans into my mouth. _I can do this, I can do this_, I chanted to myself. _How many calories could those possibly be? Not too many. And lots of protein. Nothing to freak out about_. _Just eat slowly and try not to attract his attention to your plate._

We ate in silence for a bit, my focus on the food far too intense to keep up my end of the conversation. Edward started talking, trying to draw me out, but I could not do more than answer in one or two words. All the time, he kept looking at me as if he was trying to divine something about me, figure out some puzzle, so I just tried to look calm and innocent. I didn't think it was working.

Somehow, we limped through the rest of dinner, the easy flow of our earlier conversation completely lost. I knew it was my fault, but I was using all my will power to eat and not go to the restroom part way through the meal. _It would be so easy. He would never suspect. Just excuse yourself for a few minutes. Guys have no idea how long a bathroom break should take_, a part of me cajoled.

Finally, mercifully, the waiter came and took the remaining food away. I let out a sigh of relief. The worst part was over. If I could just get out of the restaurant without giving into the urge to go to the restroom . . . I glanced over Edward's shoulder at the little hallway that probably led to the women's room, and then I willed myself to look at him instead.

He took that as an invitation and said, "Are you upset about the story I told you? With Siobhan? I'm really not a bad guy, you know. She wasn't looking for true love, either," he finished with a tiny smile and a sort of pleading look in his eyes.

"Mad? Oh, of course not," I said and breathed a sigh of relief. _He had mistaken my behavior as a reaction to him, not the food. Oh, thank you god._ "The first time I met you, I knew that you were a catch and release kind of guy. I don't judge," I said.

He opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, I changed the subject. "So, you were right. We never talked about some of the basics. What is your major?" I asked.

Edward closed his mouth for second, perhaps considering whether to reply to my previous remark. But after a moment he answered my question. "Econ. You know, to go with my Asian financial market and world domination plan," he said as he smiled. "What about you? Not that you really need to decide for at least a year," he added.

"I know. But I think English Lit. Maybe Humanities. Something super liberal artsy for sure," I said with a smile.

"Yeah, I can see that," Edward said he ran his fingers through his messy hair.

As I was about to answer him, the waiter dropped the folder on to the table with the check inside. _Wow, that was quick. _I went to reach for my purse, when Edward popped a few bills into the folder and handed it back to the waiter.

"Hold on," I said in anger. "What did you just do? We should split this," I argued.

"No, we should not. I did not ask you out to dinner to make you pay your own way. Plus, if we split it in half, you would be robbed blind, given how little you ate," he pointed out. _Shit, he had noticed. Fuck!!! I am going to die right now._

Despite my mortification, I tried to defend myself. "Well, we should still split it. Japanese is expensive. I don't need you to spend your hard earned keg lifting money on my dinner, which I apparently did not even eat enough of," I said jokingly, hoping to sound less stressed than I was. "Plus, you said that this wasn't a date. So you can't pay or it would be one."

"How about we compromise?" Edward asked sweetly. I looked at his eyes and waited for his great idea. "We'll do it my way," he said and he stood up, putting his hand on the back of my chair as if to hold it for me. I sneered at him and then stood up and marched out of the restaurant with my arms folded over each other.

Edward followed me to the car and touched me on the arm. When I spun around and glared at him, he grinned. "Hey, Bella, don't be mad. I'm really old fashioned. I just don't feel comfortable asking a girl to dinner and then letting her pay. I promise I'll let you chip in next time."

I wasn't sure if he was teasing me, so I got into the car with a huff.

The ride back to campus was quick. We listened to his car stereo, which was much nicer than any car sound system I'd ever heard before. It almost made "We Built This City," by Starship sound good. His taste in music sucked, but his taste in electronics was impeccable.

"Here we are," he said as he pulled up in front of Elm Street gate. "Door to door service," he said and flashed me that delicious crooked grin. "I hope you had a good time on our not date," he said playfully.

"I did. Thank you. It was really great. I find you surprisingly easy to spend time with," I admitted before I thought about what I was saying. "I mean, when you are not being an ass," I added.

Edward laughed out loud at me. Then his expression changed. "Well, maybe we'll do this again soon," he said, looking at me to gauge my reaction. It must have been good enough, because he continued, "I look forward to seeing you around D'port a lot in the next few weeks. We'll make another not date."

"OK," I said with a big grin. "That sounds like a great not plan," I said as I climbed out of the car. "Have a good night." I watched from the curb as he pulled away and sped off down Elm Street.

I turned and walked into Old Campus with a goofy grin on my face. When I entered the suite I was relieved to find it mostly empty; I wasn't ready to do a play-by-play of dinner with Kate and Rose. I let myself into my room and closed my door, then sat down on my bed and tried to figure out what to do with myself. It was relatively early and I really should do some homework. But I doubted I could really concentrate on anything. I was feeling all weird and sort of excited about the dinner.

I glanced at my desk and saw one of the pictures of Jake that I had pinned to my wall. Suddenly I felt a strong rush of guilt. I had not mentioned these plans to him when we spoke to each other last night. And I realized that I was not planning on telling him if he called tonight.

I grabbed the first textbook I saw and pulled out the assignment for the week. Perfect. The great masters of the Spanish school in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. I loved my art history class; this work should keep me from replaying and analyzing the dinner in my mind for the rest of the evening.

I turned to the first page of the chapter and looked at the full page reproduction of The Afternoon Meal by Meléndez. _Alright, the meal itself was pretty successful. Survived the food, barely, but I did it. _I took a mental inventory of all I had eaten and tried to guess how many calories I had consumed. Then I remembered Edward's comment about how little I ate. _ Well, he noticed something, but I don't think he knew what it meant . . . _

I shook my head and looked at the clock. I had been staring at the same page for at least 15 minutes, thinking about dinner. _Focus! _I read the introduction again and turned the page. There was a biography of Goya and a picture of a Madonna and child. I looked at the adoration on the face of the Madonna. _I want someone to look at me like that. I mean, not like I'm God on earth, but like I'm the center of their world . . . or their favorite person to be with. I wonder if Edward ever felt that way about a girl. He seems like he just moves from one to the next, no emotional involvement at all. . . . I can't believe I said "catch and release" to him. What a cheeseball line! Maybe I should have gone with "hit it and quit it?" Nah, that's even worse. I'm so lame. Well, it doesn't matter anyway, it seems pretty clear that Edward isn't really interested in me as a girl, just as a friend, since he told me about fooling around with his sister's roommate. Ugh. That's nasty . . . and he hooked up with that other girl at Brown. I'd never just fool around with some guy I met. Then again, no one's ever really tried that on me. Maybe if I was hotter . . . and Edward is freakin' gorgeous. I bet girls throw themselves at him all the time._

Suddenly I looked up at my clock and saw that another 15 minutes had disappeared. I smacked myself in the forehead and then looked back at the page. I had not retained a word I had read. _Seriously, I am going to fail out of school if I can't get this guy out of my head. _I picked up my pen, which had slipped from my hand, and I started to read again._ Third time's a charm?_ Mercifully, I finally got engaged in the essay and I managed to finish the assignment without letting my thoughts drift back to Edward or dinner again, at least not that night.


	6. Chapter 6 Jacob's First Visit

**Happy New Year! Hope everyone had a great holiday season and an easy transition back to the regular schedule.**

**And thanks everyone who is reading this story. I love when I get those notices from fanfic to tell me that someone has favorited me. It's like getting a vote in popularity contest! Thanks for the ego boost!  
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**So, this chapter has some intimacy between Bella and Jacob. Just wanted to warn the "wolf haters" out there ;-)**

**Also, there is some Spanish in this chapter. Despite years of classes, I cannot really speak Spanish, so I relied on an online translator. If anything I wrote in Spanish is really awful, please send me a message and I'll try to fix it (Bella's Spanish is supposed to be bad, so that doesn't need to be fixed!). Any help on that front would be appreciated.**

**Thanks always to my excellent beta flibbins!**

**Enjoy and please review - it is extremely gratifying to know that anyone is reading this!**

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The words filtered into my consciousness slowly. "I search myself, I want you to find me, I forget myself, I want you to remind me," poured out of my clock radio, gradually increasing in volume until the chorus was blasting. "When I think about you, I touch myself." I reached out and smacked at my radio until I hit the button to turn the alarm off, then I flipped onto my back and rubbed my face, groaning. _Great, this day is off to shit start. I can't wait to walk around campus with that song in my head._

I groped around for my glasses, shoved them on and grudgingly rolled out of bed. It was only 9am and no one else in the suite seemed to be awake. Most of them had 10am classes, like me, but they probably planned to roll out of bed at 9:30 or 9:45 and just go on an empty stomach. _Stupid promise to eat breakfast. Why can't I just be normal like the rest of them and sleep in?_

I washed and dressed quickly and walked over to Trumbull. When I entered the dining room, I did what I'd done almost every morning since school started – I walked straight into the kitchen and over to the boxes of cereal, where I filled a bowl with Special K. Then I poured myself a glass of skim milk and two cups of coffee. I kept my eyes averted from the warming trays containing eggs, pancakes and bacon. If I didn't see those foods, I couldn't even thinking about eating them.

I walked back into the dining room and sat down at a table by myself. Matt and Brad, two of the guys who lived in the suite beneath mine, waved to me, so I gave a small wave back, but I didn't move to sit with them. They each had a tray full of breakfast food; like most of the breakfast eaters, they were just coming back from morning practice and were starving. I looked over at a table of swimmers and scowled. Then I pulled my Art History textbook out of my bag and tried to do some reading while I ate my cereal dry and sipped at my coffee. _Freakin' athletes._

After I finished, I packed up my book and headed off to my least favorite class, Spanish Conversation. I slid into my seat and just prayed not to be noticed by our T.A., Carmen. But when class started a minute later, she immediately turned to me and asked, "¿Becca, cuál es el nombre de la canción que usted canta?"

I looked up from my notebook in shock and said, "Huh? Yo, uh, canta?"

"Sí. Usted cantaba cuando usted entró en el cuarto. Usted dijo que 'no quiero a nadie más.' ¿Qué canción es esto?"

I blushed scarlet and started to stutter. _I have no idea how to say "I touch myself" in Spanish. Oh God._

"El nombre es, um, yo toco . . . ¿Como se dice 'I touch myself' en Español?"

The entire section broke into hysterics and I blushed even redder, if that was possible.

"Me toco," Carmen responded with a barely concealed grin.

"Sí. El nombre del, um, de la . . . canción es 'Me Toco," I mumbled, staring at the floor.

Hearing me say it only made the rest of the class laugh harder. I tried to see the humor in the situation, but I just wanted to crawl under my desk and disappear. For once, Carmen took pity and quickly moved on to another victim. I slid further down in my chair, cursing my lack of foreign language skills. _ I can't believe Edward takes Japanese. This shit is going to be the death of me._

I jumped a little when I realized that Edward had just popped into my head. I blushed again. I looked around the room and tried to focus on the conversation. It seemed like Carmen was torturing some guy on the other side of the classroom. Maybe she was asking him his favorite song? He looked like he had no clue what she was saying. I sighed and smiled briefly. At least I was not alone. Most of the students in my class were as terrible at Spanish as I was. Sometimes I almost felt bad for Carmen. Well, not really.

At 10:50, she dismissed us and we all jumped out of our chairs and practically ran for the door. Freaking foreign language requirement. Again, I cursed myself for not placing out of Spanish. I had taken like eight years of that damn language and I still couldn't pass a test to prove that I didn't need to take more classes. _Is Edward taking Japanese because he didn't place out? I should have asked him that after he made his 'world domination' joke. Maybe he just needs to fulfill the foreign language requirement. But why not take something easier?_

I pondered this issue as I walked over to the Art and Architecture building for my only lecture class, Art History. This class was taught by one of the most popular professors in the school and attracted at least 500 students each semester. It was my favorite class by far. Normally, I paid rapt attention to the lecture, but today I spent most of the lecture reviewing my dinner with Edward and looking forward to returning to Davenport that evening so that I could ask him some questions. When the class ended, I realized that I had not heard a word that was said. My notebook paper was blank. _Great, now I'll have to borrow the notes from someone, despite having sat through the entire hour and 15 minute lecture myself. _

I went straight to Trumbull for lunch after class and sat with a few other freshmen who were also in Art History. I tried to participate in their conversation, but I kept drifting into my own thoughts about Edward. After I picked at my lunch for an hour, I excused myself and headed over to the library. I went to my favorite table and set myself up with my Art History textbook, a highlighter, a pen and notebook paper, planning to review what I'd zoned through today and get the work done for the next class. But after an hour of basically just staring at one page and thinking about Edward, I gave up and went back to my room. By 4pm my excitement and anxiety was getting out of control. I decided to go for a run up Science Hill. I put on my shuffle and forced myself to think about the visit I would be getting from Jacob in about 48 hours. The running worked, mostly. At least it gave me an excuse for a fast heartbeat and panting.

When 7pm finally rolled around, I strolled to Davenport with that weird bounce in my step again. I tried to tell myself that there was no reason to be excited, but I completely failed. _He might not even be there tonight. And even if he is, so what? Planning to tell him that Jake is coming in two days to visit?_

After giving myself shit for the entire walk, I was almost relieved when I didn't see Edward in the Davenport courtyard. I headed straight down to the basement and got to work on the show, discussing some of the prop choices with the Eric and the stage manager, Tim. After 20 minutes, I remembered why I had liked working on shows in high school; finally I was able to completely focus on something and block out everything else going on in my life. At some point, I looked at my watch and saw that it was nearly 10pm. I had managed to banish Edward from my mind entirely for three whole hours. Maybe I wasn't a total loser.

My day on Thursday was basically a repeat of the day before. I went through my routine, attending classes and meals, but never fully participating in anything. I daydreamed during Spanish and got called out by Carmen and I almost dozed off in Calculus. I had inane conversations with my suitemates and barely focused enough to call Jake and make our plans for the weekend. And again, when I walked over to Davenport, I could barely contain my excitement at possibly seeing Edward. But again, he was not standing around in the courtyard waiting to see me. I tried to shake off the disappointment, but it bothered me more than I even wanted to admit to myself.

By Friday morning, I was feeling downright surly. I had not slept well on Thursday night and my already sour mood was not improved by sleep deprivation. Not that I had anyone to blame but myself. I had gone out with Rose and Kate to the pizza place that was the campus hang-out on Thursday nights. I had enjoyed Naples Thursday nights before, but this time, I just wasn't into it. I kept looking toward the entrance hoping that Edward would walk in. I attempted the tried and true method of getting a guy out of my head – drinking – but for whatever reason, it didn't work this time. When my suitemates and I finally went home at midnight, I was just feeling depressed and queasy. I fell into an uneasy sleep that left me completely unrefreshed.

Luckily, I only had one class on Friday – my goddamn Spanish conversation class. All of my other classes met Monday and Wednesday or Tuesday and Thursday. Only Spanish met every day. I went to class, where I somehow managed to get away with a few garbled sentences, and then went for a run and showered. After a quick lunch, I headed back to the room and lay down on my bed to do some reading.

The ringing of my cell phone roused me from my nap. I scrambled to grab my cell from my desk before it went to voice mail. I flipped the phone open as I tried to make my mouth work and sit up. "Hello?" I mumbled without looking at the caller ID.

"Hey Bells! Did I just wake you?" Jacob asked.

"Jake!" I cheered, my head immediately clearing. "Are you on your way?"

"Better. I think I'm on the street in front of your dorm," he said. "I'm on College Street by a big archway."

"Oh, you are so close! I'll be right there!" I yelled as I sat up and glanced at my clock. It was only 3pm. That was odd – he wasn't due for hours. I pulled on my cowboy boots and picked up my fleece as I spoke to him. "Just stay right there – it won't even take me a minute to get to you."

I dashed out of my suite, down the stairs, and sprinted across the Old Campus quad to the main entrance gate. As I ran up, Jacob spotted me and jogged the last few steps to meet me, grabbing me in a crushing embrace. He spun me around once, plopped me down on my feet and planted a big kiss on my lips. "Hi," he said.

"What are you doing here so early?" I asked. "I wasn't expecting you till at least 6pm. And wasn't I supposed to meet you at the train station?"

"Good thing I wasn't counting on that, huh?" he joked and I scowled. My annoyance only egged him on. "Think you would have woken up for my train? You must really have been looking forward to this visit," he added with a huge grin. "Clearly all you were thinking about," he quipped as he walked back and grabbed his bag. I blushed and glanced at the ground.

"I'm sorry-" I started to say, as much for the sleeping through his arrival as for not spending all my time thinking about him, but he immediately cut me off.

"Bells, don't be ridiculous! I'm just teasing. I'm so glad that I was able to surprise you! I actually had arranged to ride with Sarah." I looked at him quizzically, so he elaborated. "She's one of Rachel and Leah's friends. She was at their party. Long dark hair, tall." Apparently, I showed no signs of recognition, so Jake just shrugged. "Whatever. She lives in my dorm and she is dating a guy named Oliver who is a Yalie, so we might carpool a lot."

"Oh, Jake that is awesome! How often can she come? When is she leaving on Sunday?"

"Rushing away our weekend already?" he smiled.

"No, no. I just want to know how many hours I get with you so I can make the most of all of them," I said as I grabbed his hand and led him back to Durfee. Then I got all tour-guide. "I am so excited that you are here. I can't wait to show you everything," I bubbled. "This is Old Campus, where all, well, almost all of us frosh live. That building you came through is Phelps Hall and this statue is Eli Yale and-

Jacob cut me off. "I can't wait to hear about every brick, if you want to tell me. But first we need to go to your room and take off some or all of the clothes you're wearing and not talk for a while, OK?" he asked as he grabbed me and starting kissing me again.

"Yeah, that's OK," I whispered when he let me up for air. And I led him into my dorm, barely pausing to introduce him to my suitemates before slamming my door and getting back to not talking.

. . . . . .

The banging on my door started around 6pm. "Hey, lovebirds, let's go! The rest of us are ready to head to dinner," Rose yelled as she pounded on my door.

"OK – give us 10 minutes," I yelled back. I was wearing just a t-shirt and panties, curled up next to Jake with my head on his chest while he played with my hair. We had been lying like this for at least an hour, talking and listening to his playlist on my iPod. "Come on," I said to him as I stretched and got off my bed. "We need to put our clothes back on and go to dinner with my suitemates." I paused and looked in my mirror. "Oh jeez. Look at me," I said as I tried to smooth my hair back into some semblance of a style.

Jake laughed. "Yeah, your hair looks a little crazy," he said with a smile as I glared at him. "Chill Bells. It looks cute. And it's not like you have to try to impress anyone here, right?"

"Yeah, you're right," I admitted, feeling a bit guilty. "It's just that Rose is going to give me shit already about the way we dashed into the room when you arrived, and I don't need sex hair to give her any extra ammunition," I said as I pulled my jeans on and started yanking a brush through my tangles.

"There are worse things than being ragged on for your sex life. Like getting ragged on for not having one," Jake quipped while he pulled on his shirt. "Who is Rosalie dating?" he asked with a glance toward her room.

"Jake, did you get a good look at Rose? She could have any guy on his knees in about 10 minutes, begging to go out with her. Maybe in 5 minutes if she was in a hurry."

I pulled on my boots and grabbed my jacket and keys as I opened my door. Rose was lying on her stomach on her bed, kicking her legs as she listened to something on her iPod. She looked liked a model for Abercrombie & Fitch ad. I looked back at Jake and pointed to Rose. "See? She looks amazing when she's not even trying. Imagine what it looks like when she is making an effort. I almost feel bad for the boys sometimes. They don't know what hit them," I said with a clear tinge of envy.

"Bella, you have the same effect," Jacob said as he slid his arm around my waist and pulled me against him as I snorted in disbelief. "Well, that's how it feels to me," he said as I scowled at him. "I know, I know, you are the least attractive girl ever and I'm a blind moron for liking you," he said with a smile. "Let's go have dinner Ugly Betty."

"Rose, we're ready!" I yelled so she would hear me over the music. She looked up and smiled a wicked smile. "All done?" she asked with a leer.

"Please don't embarrass me in front of Jacob," I begged. "Try to be nice."

"You know that 'nice' is not really in my nature," she smirked.

"Rose, I'm going to leave you here alone to have dinner with Reni if you don't cut it out," I threatened.

"Reni?" Jacob asked.

"Irina," I replied.

"Oh," he answered. "You never talk about her. Do you guys ever hang out with her?" he asked me and Rose.

"Not unless we have some urge to spend Saturday night in the library," she said as pulled on her coat. "Freakin' Yale stereotype," she added in disgust. Then she turned back to me. "Did you tell Kate that we're going to Yorkside?"

"Yeah, and Tanya, too. I think they are planning to meet us there. Did you tell anyone else?"

"No, not about dinner. But I did spread the word a bit about Val's birthday party. I think there will be about 20 of us at Mory's tomorrow night!" Rose said with glee.

"What's Mory's?" Jacob asked as the three of us walked out of Durfee together.

"It's this super traditional Yale restaurant club thing," I answered. "You have to be a member to eat there. Or the guest of a member. Val is third generation Yale – and her family probably came over on the Mayflower or some such shit. Her parents are going to be there tomorrow night, right?" I asked Rose as we walked down Elm Street toward York.

"I think so. Valerie is eating dinner there with them first. She said to come over for cups around 8pm." A few guys smiled appreciatively as Rose passed them, and one even gave her the "call me" sign. Rose seemed not to notice any of them. I looked at Jacob and raised my eyebrows to indicate, "see what I mean?"

Jacob just shrugged at me and then asked, "What are you guys talking about? What cups? Are we going out to a restaurant for someone's birthday?"

"Oh, we won't be eating anything at Mory's. Just drinking. Did you bring a tie?" I asked as I glanced at what he was wearing while we waited at the corner to cross the street.

"No," Jake said in disgust. "I need a tie? No way. I'm not going."

"Oh stop whining," Rose barked. "We'll just get you one from Matt or Brad. They owe us after that whole Greek toga thing last weekend," Rose said as we finally crossed Elm and started up York Street. I vigorously shook my head no at her.

"Matt or who? And what Greek toga thing?" Jacob asked with raised eyebrows. "I don't recall you mentioning any togas, Bella," he said with a wide grin as we walked into Yorkside Pizza.

"Speaking of Greek, they have the best Greek salad here," I said as we slipped into a booth and gave Rose the evil eye.

"Nice try Bells. Rose, what toga thing did Bella fail to mention?" Jacob asked sweetly.

"Oh, just the usual frat house toga party. Bella was really into it. She looked hot," Rose said as she pulled out her cell and starting scrolling through the pictures while I prayed to just disappear. _Perhaps I was blushing so hard that I would actually burst into flame?_ "Wait, here's a picture of us," Rose said as she handed her phone to Jacob.

"Very, um, cute," he said as he looked at the picture of Rose and I with our arms around each other, obviously drunk and flanked by two huge guys in gladiator costumes. "Are those two Matt and whoever?" he asked as he looked up from the picture at me.

I turned an even deeper sheet of red. "Uh, no," I said as I stared at the table. "I think Matt and Brad were in togas. It's all a little hazy."

Rose just laughed at my mortification. "They are just some guys we met at the party. I think they were named Craig and Brian, but, honestly, who knows."

At that moment, my savior opened the door to the restaurant and started looking around. "Kate," I yelled as I waved my hand. "We're over here."

As she started to walk over, I leaned in toward Rose and reminded her that Kate had not loved the party. She had been cornered by some drunk junior boy and we literally had to save her from his sloppy advances. She would not want to rehash last Saturday night, thankfully.

"Hi Bells!" she called as she walked over to our booth and slid in next to Rose. "Hey Rose," she smiled as she slid out of her coat. "And this must be Jacob," she said with a little smirk. "I think you blew past my door about three hours ago, right?"

Now it was Jacob's turn to blush. "Yeah, that was me." He held out his hand to Kate. "It's a pleasure to meet you," he said as they shook hands.

"So, did we order yet?" Kate asked. "I'm starving. We played two straight games today. I kicked Tanya's ass, so she might skip dinner. You know how she sulks when I win," Kate said with an evil smile.

Jacob glanced at me with a quizzical look and I answered his unspoken question. "Tennis. They both are amazing. Like Serena and Venus, only twins."

"And nowhere near as good!" Kate threw in. "We were nationally ranked as juniors. Now we are just varsity hacks."

"She's just being modest," Rose replied. "Whatever. I'm starving. Let's get the garlic bread with cheese and an extra large pepperoni pie. Oh, and Bella's favorite – the Greek salad."

Jacob looked at me and I knew he was trying to assess my reaction to this planned menu. I squeezed his hand and smiled – I was cool with Yorkside. I had eaten here a few times and kept total control. I seemed relaxed, so he smiled and relaxed, too.

Dinner sped by with Kate and Rose and Jacob trading stories about me. I couldn't believe I had already done enough funny things to keep them going for the whole meal, but then again, Jacob did have two years of pre-girlfriend stuff to draw on. Soon enough, we had eaten every last bite of food and finished a pitcher of Diet Coke.

"What are you guys doing after dinner?" Kate asked as we settled up the bill.

"We're going over to the Med School theater to see The Player," I replied. "What about you?"

"Rose and I are going to Toad's. If it's still lame, we'll get our hands stamped, then probably hit the party at SAE. Charlotte will be there with Jay. She was begging us to come for some reason. I think the party involves kamakaze shots in a recliner. I'm sure we'll head back to Toad's around 10:30 or 11 if you want to meet up," she finished with smile.

I laughed. "Have a blast. And have a kamakaze for me. Maybe we'll see you later," I said and shrugged. Jacob didn't really love the big frat party scene and he wasn't much for dancing, either. I couldn't blame him on the first point. Most guys were not welcome at each other's frat parties unless they were friends. But the dancing thing was definitely a bummer.

After we left the pizza place and started walking back down York Street toward the Med School, Jacob turned to me and said, "Thanks. I know you love going out dancing, and you'd probably rather be at Toad's right now-"

I cut him off. "But you know that I also love the movies. And Altman's The Player is one of my all-time favorites. And I'm just happy to be with you."

Jacob looked at me with his eyebrows knit together, like he was deciding if he should say something else. Then he sort of shrugged his shoulders and took my hand. "Alright, I'll take you to the movies if you insist," he said with a fake annoyance. "Do we at least get popcorn and candy?"

. . .

Though we never met up with them, we got back the dorm room as late as Rose and Kate, so we all slept in. At noon, we finally dragged ourselves out of bed – almost so late that we had to run to make it to brunch before it shut down. We passed a few hours on Saturday afternoon in the library – Jacob had a big test coming up in Organic Chemistry, and he said that he really needed to get work done over the weekend.

After a quick run around the edge of campus, we grabbed dinner with most of the girls in my suite, then headed back to the dorm to get showered and changed for Mory's. Jacob made a half-hearted attempt to complain about the need to dress, but we shut him up pretty quickly. Matt lent him a tie and a white button down shirt and told him a few stories about Mory's while we changed into our party outfits. By the time Matt was done with him, Jacob was pretty excited to go to Val's party, even if he had to wear a tie for it.

We walked the two blocks to Mory's laughing and talking. None of us had been yet for cups, but we had all heard the great stories about the place. When we got to the entrance, we paused and looked at each other.

"Kate, your dad is a member, right?" Rosalie asked as we hesitated on the doorstep. "Do we need to knock?"

Kate laughed. "It's not a big deal. When I ate here with my dad a few weeks ago, we just walk in. Relax."

I giggled nervously and we walked in the door. The inside looked nothing like I expected. There were wooden tables and chairs and every wall was covered with photos of Yale varsity teams. A couple of rowing oars were hung near the ceiling. Overall, it was very plain and low key.

Kate led us toward the back to a flight of stairs. "I think the party rooms are all upstairs."

An old man in a jacket looked at us with suspicion. "You here for the birthday party?" he asked.

"Yes, for Valerie Walker," Rose replied.

"Just up the stairs, second room on the right," he answered as he turned away.

We hurried up the wooden staircase and walked down the plain hallway, lined on each side with closed doors. We walked up to the door that the waiter had told us to find and walked in a bit cautiously. Val jumped up and shouted, "You made it!" when she saw us, and we all smiled and I let out a sigh of relief.

The "party rooms" at Mory's were simply smaller versions of the dining room. There was a big wooden table in the middle of the room, surrounded by large wooden arm chairs. There were no decorations to speak of, just more photos of Yale varsity teams from the past. There was no food or any silverware on the table. In fact, there weren't even any cups.

Valerie started introducing us to her family. "Grandmom, Dad, Mom, this is Kate, Rosalie, Isabella, but she goes by Bella, and her boyfriend Jacob. He's just visiting. He goes to Brown," she said as she pointed to each of us in turn.

We each shook her parents' and grandma's hands. The elder Mrs. Walker turned to Jacob. "I went to Pembroke, back when it was a separate girls' school," she said with a smile. "My family thought I was slumming a bit when I started dating Valerie's granddad. They didn't see the appeal of New Haven," she ended with a grin as she patted her son on the arm.

Jacob gave her a huge smile and laughed. "I actually live on the Pembroke campus. Not that it makes any difference anymore."

"I'm sure the headmistress from my time would turn over in her grave if she knew that Brown boys were living in her girls' dorm rooms!" Mrs. Walker replied with a laugh.

"Grandmom, stop annoying my friends," Valerie interrupted. "Guys, sit down. We already ordered a red cup and a yellow cup," she said with a huge grin.

Just then, the door opened and an elderly man walked in carrying a large silver urn. He set it down on a plain wooden sidebar, wiped it a bit, and then placed on the table in front of Val. He glanced at the group of us, then at Valerie's parents. "Make sure they don't make any trouble," he said in a harsh voice as he looked at Mr. Walker.

"Yes, sir," Mr. Walker replied. "I will not let any of these 21 year olds get out of hand," he said in a serious tone as he winked at us.

Jacob and I glanced at each other and I leaned in to whisper, "I guess you can get your way pretty easily when you are family member of a President." When he just looked at me quizzically, I continued. "Walker. As in George Walker Bush," I explained. "Her dad is his third cousin or something. Oh yeah, and in case you couldn't guess, they are loaded."

"That's a relief," Jacob said with a smile. "I was a little concerned about having to buy one of the cups; Matt told me how it works with the singing and the spinning the cup on your head and the tapping-"

Just then, Mr. Walker cleared his throat to get our attention. "Thanks for coming out for this extremely early celebration of our daughter's 21st birthday," he said with a sly smile. "Val's mother and I are going to leave with Val's grandmom and go have some coffee downstairs. I'm sure you'll all be fine without us. Just tell me if anyone manages to gets a cup dry – I know it is the first time for most of you." Then he gave Valerie a kiss on the cheek and walked his wife and mother out of the room.

"Val, you officially have the coolest parents and grandmother ever," Rosalie said. "Now, let's get going." And with that, Valerie grabbed the urn like thing that the waiter had brought and started drinking directly from it.

. . . . . .

_Extra long twin beds must have been designed by someone trying to discourage dorm room sleepovers_, I thought to myself as I squirmed and tried to find a comfortable position so that I could fall back asleep. Jacob was passed out, sleeping on his back and snoring. I squinted at the clock on my desk – it looked like it said 5:30am. We hadn't stumbled back into the dorm until well after one in the morning – there was no reason to be awake at this hour, except the absurdly tight sleeping quarters.

I tried to flip to my side without rousing Jake, but I heard him groan and I knew I'd failed. "Sorry," I whispered. "I can't find a spot for my left arm or leg," I complained.

"This bed is ridiculous!" he groused with his eyes still closed.

"I know. It feels fine when I'm alone, but this bicycle definitely was not built for two," I muttered.

"Well, maybe we just need to get closer," Jacob whispered as he began to nuzzle my neck. "I didn't notice any problem with the size of the bed when I first got here on Friday," he continued as he slipped his hand under my t-shirt.

"Jake, I'm trying to sleep here," I whined as I tried to roll away from his advances. "And my head hurts."

"I can't imagine why. Was it the third red cup or the fourth? Or was it the singing? I may never get that stupid "It's Jacob, it's Jacob, it's Jacob who makes the world go 'round" tune out of my head."

I smiled and groaned. The night at Mory's had been amazing, but so sloppy. Once Val's parents had left the room, one of the junior guys there explained the procedure for drinking at Mory's. First, he taught the freshmen the Mory's song. Then he explained that we were supposed to sing it as long as the person with the cup was drinking. Then he demonstrated the proper procedure for passing the cup when you were done with your drink. We were never supposed to put the cup down, so when you finished your turn, you kept holding the trophy shaped cup by the two huge handles and spun it half way around and handed it to the next person, so they drank from the other side.

Finally, he explained what you were supposed to do when the cup was almost empty. In theory, the cost of the entire cup was borne by either the last person drinking or the second to last person. The last person would try to completely dry the cup, first by drinking, then licking the cup rim, and finally, by turning it upside and spinning it on their head. After three turns on the head, the last drinker placed the cup upside down on a white napkin and three people tapped the base of the cup. If the napkin got wet, the last person to drink had to pay. If by some miracle the napkin was still dry when the cup was lifted, the second to last drinker had to pay. Of course, this did not really apply that night; Val's parents were picking up the bill. And thank god, too, because each cup was at least $40 and we had finished a lot of them.

I snickered to myself as I thought about Rose's performance with the last cup. She turned the thing nearly upside down when it was empty and licked the inside rim in a ridiculously provocative way. Then she took the cup and slowly spun it around on her hair, like you are supposed to. Somehow, she even made drying an upside down chalise on her head look sexy. I thought some of the boys at the table were going to jump out of their chairs.

Jacob's hand up my shirt caught my attention. "Now that we are awake," he whispered as his hand found my breast and started to caress it, "we might as well make good use of our time," he teased as he started to kiss my shoulder.

"Yeah, but I was just trying to find a spot that was more comfortable to – oh!" I gasped as Jacob slipped his fingers inside my panties and in between my legs.

"Is this more comfortable?" he whispered in a seductive voice as his fingers stroked me. "What about this? Or this?" he laughed as I squirmed and started breathing more heavily. "Or do you still want me to bug off and let you go back to sleep?" he asked with feigned sincerity as he pulled back and looked into my face.

"I guess I'll suffer the discomfort a bit longer," I smiled as I pulled him back toward me. "Just make sure you make me really tired so I can fall back asleep in this torture bed."

"I'll do my best," he said as he went back to work. My hand slipped under his boxers and I did my best to return the favor. We were both getting pretty worked up and the bed was beginning to make little groaning noises, too.

"Oh god, I can't believe how good that feels Jake," I whispered in his ear. "But is this enough for you, too?" I asked as I kissed his face and continued to rub him back and forth with my cupped palm.

"Bells," he said in breathy voice, "There's no mystery with me – you can feel that you are doing everything right." He leaned in and nibbled on my shoulder. "And there is no way that we are having sex for the first time in this ridiculous little bed," he added with a little laugh. "Now shut up and start kissing me."

I laughed and pulled his boxers off as I shimmied down his body until my head was just at his belly button. Then I looked up at his confused face and asked, "is this the kind of kissing you had in mind?" Then I slipped my mouth around him and gave one long hard lick. He hissed and I looked up at his face. He had a huge grin and his eyes were squeezed shut in pleasure. I closed my eyes then and took as much of him in as I could, licking and sucking until he came in my mouth.

Jake was able to remain relatively quiet until the end, when he grabbed my pillow and shoved it over his mouth to muffle the yell that accompanied his release. As soon as he relaxed, he grabbed me and pulled me back up next to him, so that my head was nestled into his shoulder. "One down, one to go," he whispered as he pushed my shirt up around my neck.

I sat up a bit to pull my t-shirt off. Before it was clear of my head, Jacob had grabbed my breast in his mouth and started teasing my nipple with his tongue. I moaned and Jake shushed me. "Don't wanna wake the suitemates," he whispered in my ear as he stroked my breasts. Then he dragged one hand down my abdomen and pushed my panties down. I did a little shimmy and helped him get them all the way down. Soon he was stroking me and pushing his fingers into me as I groaned and panted as quietly as I could. As he increased the tempo of his touch, I started to move my hips and squirm to keep the pressure in the right place as much as possible. Soon, I was grabbing the pillow to drown out my strangled grunts and a series of unintelligible words.

Jake pulled the pillow off my face and kissed me hard on the lips. "I love doing that to you," he whispered, his face glowing.

"Good. 'Cause I like having it done," I replied, then yawned.

Jake snickered, then yawned too. "Mission accomplished?" he asked as I turned and snuggled into his chest.

"Yeah," I mumbled as I drifted back to sleep, once again undisturbed by the brutally uncomfortable bed.


	7. Chapter 7 The AllNighter and Toad's

**A/N **

**So, for those of you who had enough of Bella & Jacob, this chapter gets back to Bella & Edward. **

**I mention a lot of Yale stuff - it almost all really exists (or did exist). Like Toad's Place. .com/ and Mory's .org/wiki/Mory%27s (Mory's has its own website, but the wiki one is more useful for general info!)**

**Here's a picture of Bella's dorm, Durfee Hall: .**

**Here's a picture of Edward's College, Davenport: .edu/davenport/Davenport_College_Upper_**

**As always - please review - it is a huge thrill to me that anyone reads this. If you like the pictures, tell me that, too, and I'll post links to more of them.**

**Thanks to flibbins for the awesome beta job! And thanks to my new bf, lexie2516, who generously volunteered to help with the Spanish. She gave me some awesome feedback on the conversation in this chapter. The translations are in the end note. Thanks!**

* * *

Saying goodbye to Jacob on Sunday after brunch was awful. Rachel wanted to get back to Brown early so he had to be ready to go before noon. I walked him over to the gate and kissed him before he got into the car. "Call me later," I called as he and Rachel drove away. I walked back to my suite with my head straight down, staring at the flag stones, trying to keep the tears at bay. As soon as I got into my room, I pushed my door closed, flopped down on my bed and started to cry. Having a huge hangover didn't help my mood. I moped my way through the day, leaving my room only to do some laundry and then to eat dinner with Rose. Her hangover was even worse than mine, so she barely spoke during the meal, much to my relief.

The weather on Monday was a personal affront to my depressed mood. When I opened my eyes, I was greeted by beams of sunlight shining through my window. I walked outside to the perfect cool autumn air, which the bright sunshine promised to warm by at least 20 degrees as the day went on. By mid-afternoon students would be sprawled out all over campus on blankets and towels reading and doing homework, or just lounging and soaking up the beautiful weather. Even the scenery was in on the conspiracy; the leaves had started to turn beautiful shades of orange, yellow and red, and the stones in all the gothic style buildings glittered in the sun. I hated being depressed in good weather. It felt like the world was mocking me.

But since it was Monday, I had a lot to do to keep me busy. Spanish, Art History, and my English literature section all met on Mondays. I dragged myself around campus, looking at all the happy people and hating myself for not just enjoying this rare beautiful day. But that's one of the many problems with depression - it doesn't really care about the forecast.

After a strained lunch and painfully boring English section, I finally got a bit of news that perked me up a bit. Eric sent me an email asking me if I would be willing to add assistant stage manager to my duties for the show. I still had a lot of work to do to have all the props ready, and it would mean that I would have to attend every rehearsal, but I was flattered to be asked, so I accepted. And, of course, it did cross my mind that going to Davenport every night for the next three weeks gave me a few chances to see Edward.

I was still feeling pretty glum as walked over to Davenport, so I didn't have that stupid skip in my step from the previous week. I waited for a few seconds to get let into the college gate and walked through the massive archway to find D'Porters sitting all over their massive courtyard. Some people even seemed to have brought their dinner outside. _Seriously, it's one nice day, people. Get a grip._

I walked on the path over to the entryway that led to the basement theater. As I got close, I saw that Edward was sitting on a blanket with some girl. _ Freakin' manwhore._

"Edward?" I said as I walked over to him. "You read?"

The girl on the blanket looked up at me and laughed.

"Nice. Glad to see that your sharp wit is still intact since last week," he said with a fake laugh. "I didn't get into this place on good looks. Well, not alone anyway," he said as he leaned over and elbowed the girl. She looked at him and smiled. I probably sneered.

"Bella, this is Bree – she lives across the hall. Bree, this is Bella. She's the – she's working on that play in the basement," he said, sounding a bit like he'd started to say something else, but cut himself off.

"Hi," I said with a shy smile. I had just been staring at her with bald hatred, so I felt a little guilty. She said "hi" back and returned to reading her book. Edward stood up and offered to let me into the entryway.

"So, what are you reading?" I asked as we walked the last few steps to the door.

"A play. You'd like it. Kind of a classic," he said as he held up the book, a beat up copy of Hamlet.

"Are you in the Shakespeare class?" I asked. "I heard that lecture is amazing."

"It is," he replied. "I've read Hamlet like a half a dozen times already, so I'm just skimming through it again before the section tomorrow. I need to sound good if I'm going to impress the super hot girl that Josh and I always sit near."

I rolled my eyes. "Edward, do ever think about anything but scamming on women?"

"Sure!" he said. "Sometimes I think about sports." And then he flashed me that ridiculous crooked smile and unlocked the door.

I laughed as I turned around and grabbed the door from him and headed down to the basement. _He __is__ funny. But I am so lucky that I have Jake! Imagine if I was trying to get Edward Cullen to go out with me. I would look like the world's biggest idiot. And I'd probably already be afraid to come into D'Port for fear of seeing him post-hook up._

The rest of the week continued in that pattern. Each night after dinner I would head over to Davenport and find Edward waiting for me somewhere near the entryway that led both to his room and the basement theater where I was working. We would chat for a few minutes, and then I would go to rehearsal, smiling from ear to ear. Eric must have thought that I loved the show.

On Thursday, I left rehearsal at 9pm, about an hour earlier than usual. The guys were intensely working on just one scene, so once I had the blocking recorded, it didn't matter if I was there or not. And I had a lot of work to do, so I headed back to Durfee.

Around 10pm, my cell phone rang. It was Edward.

"Hello?" I said with a bit of confusion. We had only really spoken on the phone once, the day we'd met.

"Hey, it's me, Edward," he replied. _He sort of sounded . . . nervous?_

"Yeah, I know. Caller ID. What's up?"

"Well, I went to look for you in my basement, but the guys there said you already left. So, I'm right outside your window now. Wanna look?" he replied.

"What? Why?" I asked as I got off my bed and walked to the window.

"Just look," he said, as I glanced up and down Elm Street.

"Um, sorry – I don't see you," I replied. "Are you on Elm Street?"

"Oh, shit, your window is on the other side. Dammit. OK, come look out a window toward the Old Campus quad."

I laughed as I walked into the common room and looked down at the sidewalk in front of Durfee. There was Edward with two giant coffee cups from Wawa's in one of those cardboard carrying things and a plastic bag under his arm.

"What are you doing? Earning a little extra cash as a Wawa delivery man?" I asked as I giggled.

"No, you fool. I brought this for you. It's a caffeine and sugar delivery to get you through your all-nighter. Now let me in," he said as he walked toward my entryway door.

"What all-nighter?" I said as I walked down the stairs to let him in. "I'm not pulling an all-nighter," I continued as I opened the door. I pressed end on the call. "Guess we can continue this conversation face to face," I said as I looked at him quizzically.

He smiled as he pushed his phone into his pocket and grabbed the entryway door. "Don't you have your first big Art History exam tomorrow?" he asked as I led him up the stairs back to my suite.

"Yeah," I replied, not seeing where he was going with this question. We walked into my common room and I turned to face him with a look of complete confusion on my face.

"So, aren't you going to have to study all night for it?" Edward asked.

"No, why would I? The material is pretty straight forward," I said. Then I started to get agitated. "But now you're making me nervous. Is there something about this exam that I should know? Is it not just on the stuff we've covered in the lecture and in the reading? Is there something else I should be studying?" I asked, my voice rising higher with each question.

"Oh, crap, now I've freaked you out. No, no, I'm sure it is just on what you did in class and whatever. I just assumed you'd be worried for your first big exam and pulling an all-nighter and I was coming to bring you supplies and make you feel better and now I've made you a million times more nervous," Edward said with despair as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand and squeezed his eyes shut.

As soon as my heart stopped pounding, I felt terrible for him. "Oh, that is so sweet," I said. "Please don't feel bad. I'm sure that lots of freshmen are freaking out over this exam. I'm just unnaturally calm. I probably should be more worried," I said as I touched his arm, trying to make him feel better.

Edward opened his eyes and grimaced. "I came here to comfort you, and now you are comforting me! This is not going at all how I planned," he jokingly moaned.

I laughed. "You want to try again? Go back outside, stand by the right window. And leave the food at home. I really don't like to eat after dinner."

"Great. Perfect. I assume you don't drink coffee either?" he asked as he glanced at the two giant coffee cups in the holder.

"Not at night, sorry. I love it in the morning. Totally addicted, really. But at night, it makes it impossible for me to fall asleep. Which is what you were going for, so you were right on that point," I said with a smile.

"Yeah, sort of. Well, do you think any of your roommates would like coffee and some Entenmann's chocolate chip cookies?"

My smile froze. _Fuck!!! Those are a really bad binge food for me. No, were. WERE a bad binge food._ I glanced at the bag in alarm. "Reni, Charlotte? Kate? Mary? Any of you want some coffee and cookies?" I asked with forced nonchalance.

Edward looked at me in the same way he had in the restaurant, like he was trying to figure out something about me. Luckily, Charlotte interrupted the moment.

"Did you say cookies, Bella?" she asked as she walked out of her room. She looked at Edward and asked, "Hey, were you standing below my window?" When Edward grinned in embarrassment and shrugged his shoulders, Charlotte continued. "I thought you were some kind of creepy Wawa deliveryman!" She looked at the cookies and grinned. "But you brought snacks, so who cares!"

"Yup, chocolate chip cookies and coffee, up for grabs," I said stiffly as I practically shoved the box of cookies and the cup holder into Charlotte's hands. "Enjoy! And share with the rest of the suite," I added with a smile as she shrugged and then walked back to her room.

I turned back toward Edward. He looked positively dejected. "Hey, it's OK. It's the thought that counts, right?" I said with a forced grin. "Come on, come take a load off," I ordered as I walked toward my room and waved for him to follow. "You'll have to sit on the bed or the desk chair – there's not a lot of extra space in here," I explained as I led him into my bedroom.

He looked around at the poster on my wall and the framed pictures on my desk and shelves before he sat down on the chair. I flopped down on my bed.

"I cannot believe how royally I just fucked that whole thing up," Edward said in disgust. "I was sure you would be panicked about this test. And you have been at those rehearsals till at least 10pm every other night this week," he said as he raked his hand through his messy hair.

"OK, first of all, are you stalking me? How do you know when I leave?" I asked in mock indignation.

Edward gave me another little embarrassed smile. "Sometimes I look out the window when I hear the entryway door slam. I'm just curious who's coming and going."

"That's not the worst story I've ever heard," I said with a look of mild distrust. "That's intro stalking at best. You'll have to work on your skills if you want to be my stalker. I expect professionalism," I finished with a grin. He just frowned again.

"Anyway, I'll tell you why I'm not nervous, but you need to keep it a secret," I said with a little smile. "I don't want the extent of my geekiness so widely known," I added with a conspiratorial wink. I mugged glancing to each side as if I was looking for spies. "I studied a lot of this already, in high school," I said in a stage whisper.

"You learned this stuff in North?" he replied in surprise.

"A lot of it, yeah. I took these three AP classes – World History, Literature, and Art History – and they were all coordinated. It was called recurring themes. Of course, we all called it recurring nightmares," I said with a grin. "So, yeah, it's not my first time seeing most of the art we've covered. But don't tell anyone. I don't want to ruin my super cool reputation," I ended with maximum sarcasm.

Edward smiled. "I know what program you're talking about. My parents begged me to take the equivalent here last year – you know, Direct Studies. I 'politely' declined," he said as he made quote marks with his fingers. "One more disappointment for my father to add to the list," he added with a little grimace.

"Oh, you wouldn't have gotten in anyway, I'm sure," I said with a huge grin.

Finally, Edward laughed. "So, what were you planning on studying this evening?" he asked as he glanced at my desk. "I assume you weren't going to the weekly freshman Thursday night at Naples." He raised his eyebrows as he pointedly looked at my outfit.

Now it was my turn to be embarrassed. In all the excitement, I'd forgotten that I had already changed into some ratty pajama pants and a t-shirt with holes in it. I glanced down at myself and smiled. "Actually, I was planning to go out drinking like this. I'm making a statement about the misogynistic dictates of fashion."

Now Edward really laughed. "Seriously, what real work am I interrupting?"

"I was just going to work on my Spanish. I only placed out of one year, despite having taken Spanish since 7th grade. I kind of suck at languages. Really, I'm barely fluent in English."

"Well, you are in luck. "Hablo Español! ¿Qué quieres estudiar?"

I stared at him with my mouth hanging open. "In addition to the Japanese, you're fluent in Spanish?"

"Well, I'm not exactly fluent. But I'm probably fine for practicing conversation for your class," Edward answered as I continued to stare at him in awe. "Our babysitter was Guatemalan. And I worked for a landscaper for two summers," he offered as an explanation.

"Oh, this is amazing. I really am so terrible. And I've been going to the language lab and I feel like a complete moron, talking to myself with those headphones on. "¿Uh, usted puedo, um, practicar con mi?"

"You do need a lot of work! I think you just said 'You I can practice with me?' Nice."

"If you are going to make fun of me, you can leave now," I said with a pout, feeling a bit insulted.

"Oh, come on Bells. Take a joke," he said with a grin. "Did I not show up at your window, actually, uh, what's her name?" he asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder toward my door.

"Charlotte."

"Right. Anyway, I was at Charlotte's window, with snacks that you won't eat and coffee you won't drink for the all-nighter you're not pulling? You can't feel too embarrassed in front of me. Not tonight anyway."

I had to laugh. He was spot on. "OK, OK, you're right. I am not the one making the biggest fool of myself this evening," I said with a grin. "Here, this is the chapter we are working on," I said, holding out my textbook to Edward. "Travel words and the past tense."

"My favorite tense," he said with a grin as he glanced at the page.

"Alright, give me a minute to look this stuff over, then you can talk to me in Spanish and experience how bad I can be," I suggested.

"OK," he said as he tapped on the keyboard to wake up my laptop.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I wanted to see what playlist this is that you are listening to," he responded.

"Oh, it's just something that Jacob made for me," I said with a blush. Talking about Jacob – acknowledging that I had a boyfriend – seemed weird when I was with Edward.

"He's into classic rock," Edward said as Layla ended and Southern Cross started.

"All rock really. Classic, new, alternative," I answered.

"Are these his favorite songs or yours?" he asked, gesturing toward the computer.

"Some of each. Layla is my favorite song. I'm nuts about Clapton. But I'm not sure what his favorite song is. Or band. Maybe Fleetwood Mac?" I answered with a shrug.

"No one's favorite band is Fleetwood Mac," Edward answered.

I sat up straight on my bed and glared at him. "If you're just going to rag on Jake-"

Edward cut me off. "Chill. I'm joking."

I continued to glare at him. "What's your favorite band? Oh wait, I know, it must be the Jonas Brothers?"

"Hey, I'm not into the Jonas Brothers!" he said, faking deep insult. Edward laughed at me. "Man, you have a short fuse. I'll answer if you take that sneer off your face."

I leaned back against my wall and tried to arrange my face into a neutral look.

"You're really not much of an actress. Good thing you're not on stage in that show."

I flipped him the bird.

"OK, I'll tell you a secret, since you told me one before. I can play most of the Jonas Brothers' songs on the piano." When I scoffed at him, he continued. "Seriously, I can play almost anything on the piano. Even rock like your boyfriend likes. Classical, country, jazz. And of course, Miley Cyrus and Justin Timberlake," he said with his funny grin.

"Seriously?" I asked in disbelief.

"Seriously," he replied.

"Is that something I could see sometime?" I asked, and then hesitated when he got a funny look on his face. "I mean, hear?"

"Umm, maybe," he hedged. "It's just, I don't really play for anyone else, you know? It's really personal – I really just play for myself. A lot of the time I'm just making stuff up, tinkering, you know. So, um, I don't think I would be much fun to listen to."

"Oh, sure," I answered quietly as I glanced away. _Too personal because he doesn't think of me like __that__. _

I looked back at Edward and forced a smile back on my face. "So what's your favorite music to listen to?"

"Well that depends. The Stones, Tom Petty, The Eagles. Snow Patrol, Counting Crows, Blink 182. ABBA. Jay Z."

"I love Jay Z! And Kanye, as you know, and Eminen and Biggie. Snoop Dogg and Tupac. I could put some of that on instead," I suggested as A Whiter Shade of Pale started.

"Nah, this is fine," Edward replied. "I'll listen to Jacob's love tribute to you and I'll try not to gag," he said as he opened a window on my computer screen.

"Big of you," I said sarcastically. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"I'm adding myself to you AIM buddy list. Now you can IM me when you have a question about Spanish," he said with a smile as he turned back to me. "Are you ready for our chat?"

"I guess so," I said with obvious dread.

"Don't look so terrified Bella. I'll go easy on you, I promise," he said as he grabbed my textbook and scanned the page.

"¿Dónde estabas este fin de semana?"

"Yo . . . estaba aquí. Fui a Mory's."

"¿De verdad?"

I stared at him blankly for a second. "Huh?"

"De verdad. It means 'for real,'" he explained.

"Oh. Sí, fui con Rosalie y Kate y . . . Fuimos por la cumpleaños de Valerie. Teniamos mucho um, sonrisas."

"You had to a lot of smiles at Mory's?" Edward asked with a cocked eyebrow. "You mean you had a lot of laughs, 'nos reimos mucho' or you had a lot of fun, 'nos divertimos mucho'?"

"¡Los dos! Cuando Rose, uh . . . licked el . . . rim de la taza y . . . um . . . spun esto en su cabeza, um . . . pienso no, no, uh pensé! que yo . . . uh . . . era? Ugh! When Rose spun the cup on her head I thought I was going to pee in my pants!"

"Hey, that last part was not Spanish! The first part was barely Spanish! How are you going to learn if you quit so easily?" he teased.

"Yeah, whatever. This is definitely just a class to survive. Next time I have an oral exam I'll call you to practice, OK?" I said.

"Deal," Edward replied. "I'm excellent at all things oral," he added with a wicked grin.

"And that is our cue to end this evening's activities," I said with a smile as I hopped off my bed and stood by my door, waiting for him to get up.

"Alright, if you want to. And I thought we were just making some real progress . . . on your Spanish," he said as he stood up and followed me to entrance to the suite.

"Yeah, yeah. Go home Cookie Boy. I'll see you tomorrow. Well, not tomorrow. No rehearsals on Friday night. So, I'll see you . . . whenever," I said as I held the suite door open for him.

"Good night Bella. Good luck on the exam tomorrow. I'm sure you'll crush it," he said as he started down the steps.

"Thanks," I said sincerely. "Thanks again for the coffee and cookies."

"No problem. Anytime," he said with a barking little laugh. Then he gave me a little wave and walked out the entryway door.

I drifted back down the hall to my room thinking about Edward's visit. As I walked into my room, Charlotte poked her head out of her room and stopped me. "What was that all about?" she asked with flaming curiosity.

"Oh, just Edward messing with my head for a change," I replied.

"He must really be into you if he brought you all that stuff," Charlotte said with a bit of a jealousy. "Jay's never brought me a study care package," she sulked.

"Oh, come on Charlotte. That's because you are almost always at his place. He can't deliver coffee and cookies to you here if you are in his room, can he?" I asked with a grin. The last thing I wanted right now was to rehash Charlotte and Jay's relationship. "Plus, Edward is not interested in me like that. He was just being nice."

"Unlikely," she smiled. "No one brings gifts 'just to be nice.' He's into you Bella."

"No way. First of all, he knows about Jake. He freakin' drove me home from Brown a few weeks ago. I mean, we were listening to the playlist Jake made for me. And talking about it. And plus, he is totally a player, so not my type. He's just some sort of habitual flirt. He's so out of my league!" I ended in rush, sounding a bit more defensive than I had meant to.

Charlotte raised her eyebrows and held up her hands. "OK, Bells, whatever you say," she said with a grin as she turned back to her room. "But I bet he's got his tongue down your throat by the end of the week."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I said as I turned my back on her and walked into my room. _Was she right? If he tried to make a move, what would I do?_

………….

"Rose, are you ready yet? Friday night only has a few hours left in it," I yelled from the common room. Kate and I were killing time playing cards, waiting for Rose to make her final decision on her outfit for the evening. "It's just an Oktoberfest frat party at Toad's, you know," I muttered. Kate snickered. We'd been waiting for at least half an hour already.

"Yeah, whatever. What matters is if you're ready," Kate said to me.

"OK, OK" I replied as I touched my pile of cards.

"Go!" Kate yelled as she flipped her card and immediately slapped the jack she'd turned over. "And that means you drink again, Bella."

I took a swig of my favorite pre-party drink: Seagram's 7 mixed with powdered diet iced tea and a bit of water. It was surprisingly tasty. And pretty strong. Especially when Kate was crushing me in slap jacks.

"I'm almost ready," Rose called to us.

"That's the tenth time she said that, right?" I asked.

"Do you think it is only the tenth time?" Kate asked and I giggled.

"Rose, we have to get out of here now! Bella is already giggling. If we don't get to Toad's soon and get her moving, we are going to wind up with a liquid Swan before 9pm," Kate warned.

"Well, why didn't you tell me that things were getting out of hand out here?" Rose asked as she walked into the common room, looking absolutely stunning in tight jeans, heels and a sequined top. Kate and I just stared at her.

"Wow," I said. "This is just a frat party, right?" I asked, looking down at my jeans, tank top, unbuttoned plaid shirt and cowboy boots with chagrin.

"Yeah, just a regular party," Rose replied, a bit too calmly, while glancing toward the door.

"Wait a sec. Is someone going to be there?" Kate asked as we got up from the floor and grabbed our jackets, keys and IDs off the couch.

Rose blushed a bit, but just shrugged and mouthed "No comment."

"Oh, come on Rose. Tell us!" I begged. "Tell us! Tell us! Please, please, I won't say anything to anyone," I said in a louder and more slurry way than I intended.

"Excellent, Bells. You are drunk already. I just hope your favorite frat boy is there," Rose said with her most evil grin as we walked out of the suite and down the stairs. "I'm sure Edward will get a real kick out of Liquid Swan."

"First of all, he's not my favorite frat boy. I don't think he's even in a frat. And second, I'm not drunk, just a little buzzed. And third, Edward probably won't even be there, and fourth, I won't care either way, and fifth, screw you," I listed as I ticked off my points on my fingers.

Kate laughed as we crossed Elm Street. "I'm so glad it is loud in there so I won't have to listen to the two of you bicker."

We walked the next block quickly and got on line with about 50 other Yalies, all waiting to be carded and let into Toad's. Technically, you had to be 21 years old. In practice, we had never been denied entrance, but it still made me nervous. Luckily, when I was on line with Rose, no one even looked at our pathetic fake IDs; the bouncers just got one look at her and waved in everyone in her vicinity. I rode into Toad's on her draft almost every week.

Once inside, we checked our coats and began to search for our close group of girlfriends. It was dark by the large bar area in the front, but the huge dance floor was fairly well lit. And since we had arrived on the early side, so it was still easy to move around. Rose quickly spotted Valerie and led us out to the center of the dance floor.

With the buzz I already had going, I was even more enthusiastic about dancing than usual. I started moving immediately, laughing and smiling and singing along to all the songs. When a song we disliked came on, Kate and I started clowning around, doing the breast stroke and holding our noses like we were diving underwater. Kate was just whipping out her Saturday Night Fever move, in answer to my "Greased Lightening," when I stumbled backward and bumped hard into whoever was behind me.

I turned to say "Sorry" and found myself face to face with Edward.

The pissed off look immediately left his face and switched to a huge grin as I said "Oh!" and covered my mouth with my hand, my eyes bugging out of my head a little. Then I recovered and yelled "Edward" as I grabbed his hand and pulled him over to my group of girls to dance.

Edward joined right in, dancing along with all of us, smiling at all the girls, but never leaving my side. We danced to at least five songs before Edward leaned over and yelled into my ear, "Let's get a drink."

I smiled and mouthed OK and followed him off the dance floor toward the giant bar. It was a little bit easier to hear off the dance floor, so he leaned in and asked "What would you like?" in a slightly lower voice.

I hesitated. Usually, I only drank ice water at Toad's because the drinks were kind of expensive – that's why we pre-drank in the room. But I doubted that Edward was going to let me order just a glass of water without a lot of teasing, so I pondered my choices for a second. "A cosmo?" I replied, with a little shrug.

"Sure," he answered. "Sure you don't want the Oktoberfest beer?" he asked with a smile. "This stuff is great."

"Yeah, I'll stick to the pink girly drinks tonight, if that's OK" I replied.

I stood behind him while he ordered the drinks for us and, before I even had a chance to offer, paid for both. He turned and handed me my drink and raised his beer to toast, "To Oktoberfest," which I echoed and then took a sip of my cosmo. It was strong. I looked at him and then away, toward the floor, suddenly feeling nervous. And in my slightly inebriated state, being nervous meant extra talking.

"I didn't expect to see you here," I blurted.

"Why?" Edward asked as he casually leaned against the bar and took a big swallow of his beer.

"I guess because I never see you out at Yale. And because guys don't usually go to frat parties unless they are pledging or something. And I didn't know you like to dance," I finished, sounding drunk and stupid even to myself.

"Apparently you've given this a lot of thought," he replied with a huge grin.

"Oh, not really. I mean, just on the way here. Rose was giving me shit about you to try to get me and Kate off her back. We think she was expecting to see someone," I said with my eyes too wide, nodding my head.

Edward laughed at me. "How wasted are you?"

"I'm really not that drunk," I argued. "Well, maybe a little. How drunk are you?"

"Oh, I'm destroyed, as I thought you could have guessed from my dancing. I'm usually a little less clumsy," he said with his crooked grin. "Why are you so drunk this early in the evening?"

"I was losing at slap jacks to Kate," I admitted as he laughed. "Why are you so drunk?" I asked.

"Just a half century club with the some guys," he replied.

"A what?" I asked with a look of confusion, leaning in a little closer to hear him better.

"A half century club. You do a shot of beer every minute for 50 minutes. It doesn't sound like that much, but trust me, it adds up. It's about 5 beers in under an hour," Edward explained. "And this was just a warm up. No one puked tonight, which is incredible. I have a lot of faith that we will make it through the full century next month without anyone having to go to DUH," he finished, sounding alarmingly like a proud parent.

"Wow. You must be so proud. Don't kids grow up so fast?" I asked with a smirk.

Edward snickered and raised his beer to his lips to take the last swallow. "Do you want another?" he asked, gesturing toward my glass.

"No, I'm good. I think I'll try to finish this drink …" I started to answer, when a girl pushed past me and threw an arm around Edward.

"Hi, Eddie," she cooed, then planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Hey Nikki, what's up?" he yelled and gave her a hug. "Nikki, this is Bella," he said, pointing to me. Nikki briefly glanced at me, but before I could say hi, she had already returned her attention to Edward.

She started talking to him, but it was impossible for me to hear what she was saying over the music and the din of voices at the club. Edward smiled and laughed at whatever Nikki was telling him, while I stood awkwardly to the side, trying to figure out what to do. I glanced at the ground, then back to them, and then off to my side toward the dance floor. After what seemed like an eternity, I decided to head back to the dance floor. I took the last sip of my drink, and leaned toward the bar to put my empty glass down. Nikki was standing right next to Edward, so I put the glass on her other side and then sort of waved goodbye to Edward.

I walked back to the dance floor in a funk. I found Kate and Valerie dancing with a group of girls I sort of knew, and I half heartedly joined in with them.

"Where's Edward?" Kate asked.

I just shrugged and sort of pointed to the bar. "Where's Rose?"

"I think she found whoever she was hoping to see," Kate answered and pointed over my shoulder to a dark corner of Toad's. I couldn't really see anything, but I nodded and smiled.

"Who is it?"

"I don't know. She was here and then she was gone. She's faster than she looks," Kate yelled into my ear.

I just gave a small smile and went back to dancing. After a while, I glanced at my watch. It was only 11pm, but my enthusiasm for this party had totally disappeared.

As I moved to the beat of the pounding hip-hop music, my mind started to wander. _I wonder if Edward and Nikki are still chatting at the bar, or has she already dragged him into a dark corner like the one Rose apparently is in with the mystery man. Maybe Nikki just moved closer to him where he stood. Oh, wait, that wasn't possible, unless she crawled into his lap. Ack!! Why am I thinking about this? I don't even care. It doesn't matter to me. He is just my friend, or acquaintance or whatever and he will never be more. I have no reason to care who he talks to or who hangs on him . . ._

But even my surliest mood could only last for so long at Toad's. More of our girlfriends danced over to our group, and the music was great, and I had really started to perk up when I saw Rose coming back on to the dance floor followed by a guy I recognized. She smiled at me and Kate, but stopped a few feet from us and started dancing with the boy.

"Is that the one?" I mouthed at Kate.

She nodded quickly and purposely looked the other way so that Rose's guy wouldn't see us staring at them.

"Do you know his name?" I asked, but she shook her head.

Now I was completely consumed by stealing glances at Rose and the guy. He was cute and a decent dancer and he kept touching Rose on the arm in very affectionate way. Sometimes he leaned in and said something right into her ear. Rose had a huge grin on her face, so it had to be going well.

The next time I glanced at my watch it was almost 12am and I felt a lot better. I had shaken off the Edward induced malaise and I was having fun again. I noticed Rose and her guy slip off the dance floor and I was pretty sure that they were leaving Toad's altogether. _I hope they go to his room. I really don't want to listen to their good time tonight._ And with that thought, I was right back in my crummy mood. I decided it was time for me to call it a night, too.

"Kate, I'm gonna head back to the room. Do you wanna come?" I yelled.

"No, I'm going to hang around awhile. But who are you going to walk home with?" she asked as the disco lights turned her face alternately red and blue. I knew that I really shouldn't walk home alone at night, especially tipsy. And most of time I made sure that I walked home with a group. But I didn't have to energy to ask around for an escort, or wait around for Kate to be ready tonight, so I just lied. "Oh, I'm going to walk home with a few folks from Stiles," I said, hoping that Kate was having too much fun or too drunk to think about my explanation.

"OK," she said. "See you in the morning."

I slowly made my way off the dance floor and went to wait on the coat check line to get my jacket. There were at least 10 people ahead of me, so I leaned against the wall and stared at the floor blankly. My meditation on nothing was interrupted by a familiar voice. "Bella, there you are!"

"Hey, Edward," I said in a monotone, barely glancing up to look at him.

"Are you going home?" he asked.

"What gave it away?" I replied snidely.

Apparently, he was too drunk to register my sarcasm, or maybe he just didn't care, because he said without irony, "Well, I'm getting ready to go, too. We can leave together." He gave me a big smile.

"What happened to Nikki?" I asked in a less neutral voice than I had hoped.

Edward shrugged. "I don't know. She called me 'Eddie' a few more times, which I hate, and then she saw someone else to hang on and she moved on," Edward said with a bit of disdain. "Of course, you were already gone by then," he continued as he looked me directly in the eyes.

"It kind of seemed like I was a bit superfluous to the group at that point," I said, glancing at the ground and blushing. _Great, now I've basically admitted to him that I was jealous and hurt. Perfect. Can this night actually get worse?_

Edward looked at me in confusion, like I had just said something he didn't understand. He sort of shook his head as if he was trying to make sense of me.

"Bella, you're – I just don't -" he started to say when the coat girl yelled, "Next."

I stepped up to the coat check window and handed the heavily pierced and made up girl my $2, then waited while she found my jacket. As she pushed it over the ledge to me, Edward grabbed the jacket and held it out for me to slip my arms into. I glanced at him, shrugged, and then turned my back to him so he could help me into my coat.

"Come on, let me walk you home," he said as we walked toward the exit.

"You really don't need to," I replied. "I'm going home with some friends from Stiles," I explained, repeating my lie from earlier. _Moron. You could have had a safe walk home and you are throwing it away for what? Pride?_

"I know I don't need to," Edward replied. "I want to." He paused and then looked hard at me again. "It seemed like we were having a really good time together tonight until you split on me. Now you don't even want to let me walk you home?"

We were at the exit and I realized that I would need to find some people to walk home with if I didn't agree to go with him, otherwise he would bust me for my lie. And Edward did not seem like the kind of guy who would let a girl walk a few blocks by herself in New Haven after midnight. "Fine, whatever, walk me home," I said with a noncommittal shrug.

"Thanks for allowing me the honor," Edward said with a sarcastic grin. He held the door to Toad's open for me and followed me out on to the street.

"So, did you have fun the rest of the night?" he asked as he walked me down York.

"Sure," I answered.

"Try to not to get too excited, Bella. You might hurt yourself," he replied.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. All that dancing and drinking and whatever. I had a great time," I said, aiming for a more convincing tone. "You?"

"Well, I had a great time at the start, but the second half of the night kind of sucked," he answered as we dashed across Elm Street to avoid the oncoming traffic.

When we got to the sidewalk, I asked, "Why's that?" just to be polite.

"Well, because I wasn't with you anymore," he replied smiling at me like I was a little slow in the head.

I came to a dead stop as we walked through Elm Street Gate.

"What?" I asked with a look of deep annoyance. "Edward, I'm not in the mood for you to screw around with my head tonight," I said with a sigh.

"Why would you think that I am screwing with you?" he asked, sounding sort of aggravated.

"Edward, what are you talking about? Why would me leaving you at the bar with Nikki make any difference to you? Why do you keep flirting with me?"

"Because I like you Bella," he said. I must have looked completely shocked or confused, because he continued, "Which, apparently I have been doing a shockingly poor job of demonstrating to you. Or you are just incredibly thick. I'm pretty sure that I was quite obvious this week, so I think it is you. Maybe this will get my message across." Then he put his hands on my shoulders to hold me still and leaned in and kissed me.

My mind was frozen with shock. But my body knew exactly what to do, and I was suddenly kissing him back. My hands somehow wound up resting on his waist and one of his hands left my shoulder to slide down my back. I began to lean into him when my brain snapped back on and screamed "STOP."

I suddenly pulled away and blushed scarlet. "Oh," I said as I put my hand to my mouth and looked at him with a combination of shame and surprise.

"Well, 'oh' wasn't exactly what I was going for, but it's a start," he said with a grin.

"Oh, no, not a start," I stammered. "Nothing is a start. Edward, I really like you, honestly, probably way too much for my own good, but you know, I'm seeing someone. Someone whose place you drove me home from. And I really like him, too, and I don't think I should break up with him. You're great and funny, and I always have so much fun with you and everything, but I'm dating Jacob," I babbled while my eyes flew from one spot to another, looking at anything other than his face. "There's just so much going on, with being a freshman and everything is new and confusing and I think I would totally freak out if I broke up with Jacob for you and then you dumped me and moved on, like you totally would. Really, I like you, too, and I love spending time with you but it's just not the right time for, for this" I finished, gesturing between us and sounding lame and crazy even to myself. I looked up at him to see how he took that over-sharing.

"Wow. That was- what was that?" He shook his head and gave me a puzzled glance. I just stood there fidgeting and staring at the ground again. "All right. I just have one thing to say in reply," he said as he reached down and touched my cheek, gently forcing me to look at him again. "Change your mind."

Then he turned around and walked down Elm Street while I stared at his retreating back.

* * *

**A/N  
**

**One more little Yale thing: DUH stands for "Department of Undergraduate Health." At some point, the name was changed to "University Health Services", but the "DUH" shorthand stuck among the undergrads. It's the walk-in doctor's office for undergrads. **

**Oh yeah - and please review and share this story with your friends (RL or online)!**

**Spanish translations:**

**"¿Dónde estabas este fin de semana?" = Where were you this weekend?**

**"Yo . . . estaba aquí. Fui a Mory's." = I was here. I went to Mory's.**

**"¿De verdad?" = Really? or For real?  
**

**"Sí, con Rosalie y Kate y . . . Fuimos por la cumpleaños de Valerie." = Yes, with Rosalie and Kate and . . . We went for Valerie's birthday. **

**"Teniamos mucho um, sonrisas." = ****We had to a lot of smiles - Bella is trying to say "we had a lot of fun," but she doesn't know how to say that in Spanish, so she actually says something that doesn't make a lot of sense.  
**

**¡Los dos! Cuando Rose, uh . . . licked el . . . rim de la taza y . . . um . . . spun esto en su cabeza, um . . . pienso no, no, uh pensé! que yo . . . uh . . . era? Ugh! = Both! When Rose, uh . . . licked the . . . rim of the cup and . . . um . . . spun it on her head, um . . . I think, no, no, uh, I thought! that I . . . uh . . . was? Ugh!**


	8. Chapter 8 Running Away

**A/N:**

**I hope that you are enjoying this story. **

**Huge thanks for my beta flibbins! **

**And I love feedback - please leave me a review when you're done with the chapter and tell me what you think!  
**

* * *

When I woke up in the morning, I immediately went to check on Rose. Her keys were not in her door, a sign that she had probably never come back to the suite. I knocked lightly, but there was no answer. I even tried the knob, but it was locked.

I wandered into the common room to see if anyone else was awake and found Charlotte sitting on the couch, reading a novel.

"Well, this morning is off to a bizarre start," I said as I yawned and plopped down next to her. "Rose is gone and you are here. Why aren't you at Jay's place?"

"I just wanted to be in my own bed last night," Charlotte replied in a slightly whiny way, glancing up from the book.

"Let me guess, you and Jay had a fight and broke up but you are going to get together later?" I asked and rolled my eyes, waiting for the standard defense of her very volatile relationship.

Instead, Charlotte laughed! "Yeah, even I'm getting tired of the drama. It's like Groundhog's Day, isn't it?" she said with a snicker.

"I can't believe you are joking about this!" I exclaimed. "That is a very healthy sign. I'm so impressed," I said as I reached out and touched her knee.

"Let's see if it lasts," she said and shrugged. "It's easy to sound healthy on a sunny Saturday morning. We'll see how I sound by Sunday night, since I'll probably wind up having break up sex with him later and we'll be right back where we started," she said with a little less humor. I nodded and gave her a knowing smile.

Then Charlotte perked up again. "But speaking of sex, any idea where Rose spent the night?"

"I'm not sure," I hedged. "I didn't see her leave Toad's."

"Oh, well, she better get herself back here soon. It is after 10am – she is facing a mighty walk of shame already," Charlotte noted as she glanced out the window. "Maybe he's a freshman, then she'll only have to cross Old Campus."

"Yeah," I replied noncommittally.

"How was your night? Did you see Edward at that party at Toad's?"

I immediately jumped on the defensive. "Yeah, but it was no big deal. We barely talked or anything. Why do you ask?"

"Chill Bells. I asked because he was here bearing gifts, like 36 hours ago. Remember? I ate your cookies?" She shifted on the coach and put her book down on the trunk that served as our coffee table. "So, what happened last night that you jumped down my throat? And don't bother lying. I'll know - you are the world's worst liar," she finished, giving me a very pointed look.

"Argh! Dammit Charlotte, I really did not want to talk about this. Please promise me that you won't tell the rest of the suite," I asked with what must have been a look of total despair on my face.

"Bella, what happened?" she asked in shock.

"He kissed me," I said as I put my face in my hands. "And told me to change my mind."

"Oh my god! He kissed you! I gave you a week – he didn't even take a full day! I knew he was totally into you! See!" she yelled as she bounced on the couch.

"Well, at least one of us is happy about it," I sulked.

"Oh, come on Bella. Wait, was he a bad kisser? That would be a huge disappointment! He is totally hot, but some of the cute ones are pretty lame. Was he all slobbery? Too grabby? Bad breath? Oh, no, is he a smoker?"

"Stop. Ugh. You're a crazy person. No, he's not a bad kisser. Definitely not a smoker! It was probably good. I don't know, I was kind of in shock the whole time . . ." I said as I stared down at my hands folded in my lap.

Charlotte waited for me to pick up my head. When I finally looked toward her again, she asked, "Well, are you going to give him another chance?"

"Oh, absolutely not! Charlotte, come on, you know I have a boyfriend and this was just, I don't know, but it doesn't matter. And I'm not planning to tell Jake about this, either, so please, no weird comments next time he comes here, OK?" I asked with distress.

"OK, OK. Relax. I won't say a word to Jacob. As long as you finish answering my questions," she said with a smile as I grimaced and squirmed. "How did you leave it with Edward? After you kissed, I mean. You must have said something, right? Or did you just run away?"

"Oh, I said a ton. I sounded ridiculous even to myself. I had, like, a million excuses for why I couldn't go out with him or kiss him again." I started to blush. "You know what I sounded like? Remember in the Blues Brothers when John Belushi makes all the excuses to Carrie Fisher? 'I ran out of gas. My aunt came in from out of town. There was an earthquake! Locusts!'" I yelled and giggled. "In so many ways, it was not my finest moment."

Charlotte patted me on the leg. "Smooth. Easy to see what he sees in you," she said with a sarcastic grin. "And you make fun of me for being crazy." She shook her head.

"Maybe we get along because we're both nuts?" I asked with a grin and a shrug.

"Maybe," Charlotte replied half-heartedly. Then she laughed again. "Could be a worse basis for a friendship, right?"

"Exactly. So, you wanna go to brunch with me and get coffee, fellow psycho?"

"Sure," she said as she stood up and stretched. "How long do you need to get ready?

"Not long. Maybe 20 minutes?" I answered as I stood and started to walk to the bathroom.

"Alright. I just need one thing," she said, looking at me very seriously. "I need you to promise that you will not make out with anyone on the way to the dining hall," she said with barely concealed laughter as she dashed into her room to change.

"Shut up, bitch!" I yelled as I ran back to the couch and grabbed her paperback, then threw it at her closed door.

"Oh, I see that getting kissed has brought out your feisty side," she yelled from behind the door. "Imagine if he'd gotten any further."

"Please don't imagine that!" I yelled. _It's bad enough that I can't stop imagining it_.

…………………….

Unfortunately, my ability to think about anything but Edward and his "change your mind" kiss did not improve over the weekend. After rehashing the night at Toad's in my mind for all of Saturday morning, I finally tried to run him out of my system on Saturday afternoon. I wound my way around campus, going at least one mile past my usual route, but to my great disappointment, the extra exertion did nothing to my state of mind. Sometimes my runs were calming and helped me think; this one left me just as agitated as when I started.

When I came back to the suite, I found Rose sitting on her bed with Kate. I walked into her room to say hi and chat with them, but they suddenly stopped talking. Rose looked up sort of guiltily and Kate gave me a weird stiff smile as I pulled out my earbuds. As I looked at them curiously, Kate stood up and made some comment to Rose about a class they took together. Then Kate walked past me as Rose answered her, looking at me strangely.

I panicked. _Oh God! They must know about the kiss! FUCK ME! _

I didn't know what to say. Charlotte was bad enough – she had not spent the entire weekend with Jacob and me. But Kate and Rose – they would think I was a total ass for kissing Edward.

I opened my mouth to defend myself at the same time that Rose started to speak.

"I didn't mean to-" I said as Rose spoke simultaneously.

"Did you make-"

We both paused and looked at each other, then started again.

"I was just-" Rose said as I spoke.

"So how was-"

This time, we both laughed. "You first," I said, hoping to buy some time.

"I was just going to ask you if you made plans for tonight. Kate and I were thinking about going to a party in Saybrook and we wanted to know if you wanted to come."

_What? _ "Oh. Um, I guess so. I didn't have anything special planned. I just told Angela I would call her later . . ." I trailed off. Angela was not really a big drinker, so I doubted she would want to come with me to some room party.

"Oh, well, if you already have plans, no big deal," Rose answered, looking sort of relieved.

_Did she not want me to come? What the fuck?_ My distress must have shown on my face, because Rose suddenly added, "Not that we wouldn't want you to."

I looked at Rose quizzically. She never acted unsure or nervous. Suddenly it dawned on me. _She was talking to Kate about the boy from the night before! Not about me. Or Edward. Well, maybe . . ._

"Uh, did you have a good night last night?" I asked with a small smile. There was no way that Rose could think that I didn't recognize the guy she had danced with and apparently gone home with.

Rose glanced at the ground briefly, then threw her shoulders back and said, "Yeah, great time, you?"

"Uh, yeah, I had a fun night," I replied cautiously.

"Great!" Rose answered, clearly putting an end to that line of conversation. "So, uh, Bella, you stink. So, let's chat more after you shower, OK?" she said as she grabbed a book from the floor and lay down on her bed to read.

I grinned sheepishly. I knew I smelled pretty bad after running; Jacob was always teasing me about my post-run stench. "Sure," I replied awkwardly. "And I'll get back to you about the Saybrook thing as soon as I talk to Angela, OK?"

"Yeah, no problem," Rose replied without looking up from her book.

I turned and stepped out of her room and went to mine to strip and head to the shower. The entire time that I was getting ready, I worried over what Rose knew and whether I should force her to discuss her night with me. _I'm dying to know how everything went for her last night. But, Rose is so tough. Any information I get out of her will come with some kind of quid pro quo, and I will not review the whole kissing incident again. And what if I go with her tonight to the Saybrook party and Edward is there? Not that it was likely, but still . . . it was possible. _

When I finished getting dressed, I decided to call Angela and let her be my excuse for not joining Kate and Rose that night. Mercifully, Angela was planning to stay in and play hearts with her suitemates, so I happily agreed to join her. Unfortunately, I was a disaster during the game; I was so distracted by thoughts about Edward that I let Angela shoot the moon twice when I could have easily stopped her by just taking a few points. _Stupid "change your mind" kissing._

Sunday was only marginally better. I did not expect to run into Edward at the library, so after brunch and a run, I walked over to Sterling without any fear of meeting him. Sure enough, the main reading room was clear of any messy haired tall guys with green eyes. Well, other than the image that kept running through my mind and distracting me from doing any of my studying.

By the time I had to walk over to Davenport on Sunday night for rehearsal, I had made myself almost sick with anxiety. _If I see Edward, what do I do? What if he's with his roommates? Or worse, what if he's with some girl? Or Emmett? Oh god, he's probably already told Emmett about the whole thing. This is a fucking nightmare! Why did I agree to work on this awful show? Maybe I can quit tonight._

My stomach was in knots as I walked through the Davenport gate, under the archway and into the courtyard. To my immense relief, Edward was nowhere in sight. Relief, and if I was being honest, disappointment. _Stupid kissing ruining everything._ I walked over to his entryway door, waited for someone to let me in, and headed down to the basement workspace.

Each night that week I walked into Davenport filled with dread. It was all for nothing. Edward, who had been everywhere the week before, was nowhere to be found. I started to wonder if he was avoiding me. _Had I hurt his feelings? Or was he over me already?_

When I could focus, I had enough to keep my mind fairly occupied. Before and after rehearsal each night, I worked on a paper for my English Lit class on the role of women in a few of Shakespeare's plays. I wrote primarily about Desdemona and Portia. I had considered including Ophelia, too, but I didn't want to think about Hamlet. Ever since he told me he was taking the Shakespeare lecture, I had an unnatural association between Edward and Shakespeare, especially Hamlet. Given my druthers, I would have loved to have skipped this paper altogether. But somehow, I doubted that my teacher would accept the excuse of "I can't do this assignment because these plays all remind me of this guy I kissed who is not my boyfriend."

I also spent a lot of time on the phone with Jacob or sending him emails and texts. If he suspected that something had caused this burst of attention from me, he wisely kept it to himself. We hadn't seen each other in almost two weeks and it would be another week until he came down to Yale again. He wanted to wait until the weekend of the show, so he could see the production that I'd been working on so hard. I had told him that it was no big deal, but he had insisted.

And then there was the Rose situation. We had gone the whole week without discussing the events of the previous weekend. She had resisted asking anything about Edward, I assumed, to keep me from asking about "mystery man." I had made a few leading comments, but she had shut me down immediately. And if there was one thing I had learned about Rose in the few weeks we'd known each other, it was that she was not someone whose bad side I wanted to be on.

All in all, it was a shitty week.

So, I was quite surprised when Rose came into my room on Friday afternoon and lay down across my bed, leaning her head on my wall.

"What's up?" I asked as I turned around in my chair and stretched. I'd been working on my calculus problem set for the next week, hoping to get ahead on my work so that my calendar would be clear for the intense rehearsals that preceded opening night.

"I think I need some advice," Rose replied, looking at me sheepishly.

"You need advice from me? On what?" I asked as I sat up straight in my chair.

"Boys? Well, a boy specifically," she replied with chagrin.

"Did I doze off doing my math and now I'm having some kind of weird dream?" I asked while I rubbed my eyes for effect.

"Shut up, Bella. I'm trying to be serious here," Rose answered with annoyance.

"Sorry, Rose. I'm just in shock. What could I possibly reveal to you about boys?"

"Well, you're right. It's not exactly advice. It's really, more, um . . . permission," she said, while looking at my ceiling.

"Permission for what?" I asked guardedly.

"To go out with Emmett?" she replied hopefully.

"Huh?" I answered in confusion. "Why would you possibly need my permission to go out with Emmett? I obviously saw you at Toad's last Friday, so . . ."

"Well, I know he is one of Edward's best friends and I know it could complicate things with you . . . you know, in case anything else happens between you and Edward," she explained while she picked at the lint on my comforter.

"Anything else between me and Edward?!" I yelled. "What do you know Rose?" I demanded, glaring at her.

"Jesus, Bella! Nothing, I know nothing! Just that Edward kissed you last Friday after Toad's . . . and you kind of blew him off," she backpedaled.

"Argh! I knew he was going to blab about it. What a girl!" I raged, as I pounded my fist on my desk. "Tell me everything you know!"

"I barely know anything," Rose answered with distress. "I saw you two dancing together at Toad's, I saw him take you to the bar. And Emmett said that Edward said that you kissed, but that you told him that it wasn't going to happen because of Jacob," she said defensively. "It's not exactly the most exciting story I've ever heard," she finished with a look of forced boredom.

"OK, that's not so bad," I admitted. "And basically the whole story," I added. I glanced out my window at the cloudy sky, then I turned back to Rose. "He did say one kind of funny thing to me. After I told him it wasn't going to happen or whatever, he told me to 'change my mind,'" I said while making little quote marks with my fingers.

"Really? He told you to change your mind? That's kind of cheesy. I wouldn't have picked Edward for the sappy type," Rose said with a snicker.

"Oh, God, Rose, please don't tell Emmett about that, OK?" I pleaded.

Rose nodded yes and crossed her heart, so I continued. "Back to your little request," I added with a look of utmost seriousness. "I think I'm OK with the Emmett thing," I paused, "as long as you promise to completely leave me alone about Edward and make sure that you never say anything about the whole kiss thing to anyone." I stared at her, willing her to agree.

"Of course, Bella. No problem. Really, I appreciate your . . . understanding. Dating your suitemate's potential boyfriend's best friend can be a recipe for disaster," she said with a grin. "But you have some experience with complicated relationships, what with dating your best friend's ex-boyfriend, right?" Rose asked with a bit of a snide smile as she stood up from my bed.

"Don't make me regret giving you the go ahead," I replied. Then I smiled. "So, are you seeing Emmett tonight?"

"Yeah, maybe later. I told him that we were going to Demery's for Kate's birthday, so he might show up. Should I tell him to come without Edward?" she asked.

"No, whatever. Don't bother. I'm sure Edward won't be there anyway. I haven't seen him at all this week. Was he even in Clapping for Credit?" I asked.

Rose smiled at my use of the campus nickname for the music class she took. "Yeah, he was in Clapping, but we didn't talk. I stopped trying to sit near him, you know," Rose pointed out.

"Yeah, thanks Rose," I said with a small smile. "So, what time are we going to Dems?" I asked with a look of distaste.

"What do you have against Demery's?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing specific, really. I just like other bars better," I said with a noncommittal shrug as I moved from my desk chair to my bed. _Oh, and I know. Maybe it's the fact that in addition to being a bar, it's also pizza place and has a Dunkin Donuts in the entrance. And everyone gets a slice and/or donuts when they leave at 1am, and it requires absolute white knuckling by me to resist. Because if I give in to eating that crap at night, there is no way I'll have the will power to stay out of the bathroom. But other than that, nothing in particular. _

Luckily, Rose's relief over finally dealing with the Emmett situation seemed to distract her from following up. "I think we are going around 9pm. Want to grab dinner around 6?" she asked.

"Absolutely. Just knock. I think I'm going to take a nap," I said as I yawned.

"Really, no run today?" she asked.

"Too tired. And it isn't working anyway. Edward's still in my head," I groaned.

"Don't stress the Edward thing, Bells. It'll work out however it's meant to."

"How Zen of you, Rose. Any other words of eastern wisdom?"

"Does 'bite me' count?" she asked as she walked into her room and left me laughing.

……………….

The night at Demery's began better than I expected. We were relatively early, so our group was able to stake out a prime place at the bar. The dancing never started at Demery's before 11pm, so we just stood around drinking and talking.

Despite my insistence that Edward's presence at Demery's was of no interest to me, I glanced at the door repeatedly throughout the night to see if he had come in. At one point, Rose asked me if I just wanted to sit by the entrance with the bouncer so it would be easier to monitor, but I just flipped her the bird and went back to my drink.

When Emmett showed around 11pm, we were already pretty hammered, so I just asked him outright about Edward's absence. "Hey Emmett. Where's Edward?" I asked as I sipped my third cranberry and vodka.

Emmett smiled. "He went up to Dartmouth with the marching band for the football game."

"Huh? Edward's in the marching band?" I asked in surprise.

"No, no! That's funny!" he said as he laughed. "No, Edward's their ringer for the jello shot Tang vs. the Dartmouth band," Emmett explained.

"OK, can you explain that again, but with more English? Jello shot Tang? What does that mean?" I asked as I wrinkled by brow.

"Well, do you know the Yale tradition of Tang? The beer drinking relay race?" he asked. I nodded my head as he spoke. Everyone at Yale knows about Tang.

"Well, at some point, maybe a few years ago, who knows, Dartmouth's marching band challenged our marching band to a Tang style relay race, but with jello shots instead of beers, since the dudes in marching band are mostly pussies," Emmett explained.

I hit him on the arm. "Emmett, you are such a jerk. Hilarious, but a jerk," I said as I laughed. "So, whatever, maybe I'm missing something, but I still don't see what Edward's role in all this is," I admitted.

"He's their coach. And anchor. You know, each member of the team does a jello shot, one at a time. Like a relay race. And you can't do your shot until the person before you is completely done. Now, it is possible to suck a jello shot out of the Dixie cup very fast if you are taught the proper technique. Edward teaches them. And then he anchors the team -- he pounds his two back to back and sends it back down the line."

"I'm sure I'm going regret this question, but why?"

"Why not?" Emmett asked with a laugh. But in response to my arched eyebrows, he continued, "Well, I guess there is the spirit of competition. And all the free jello shots during the practice week. And on the night of the race there are a lot of drunk and easy band girls. As far as I can tell, it's all upside. And I hear Dartmouth is quite beautiful," Emmett said with a grin as he toasted me with his beer.

"Really, you two are a piece of work," I said in mostly mock disgust.

"Hey, hey, no lumping me in with Edward on this one! I'm here, right? Chatting with my date's roommate like a very respectable gentleman," he said as he smiled and stood up straight. Then he continued. "And I'm really nothing special with speed drinking. I could never compete on Edward's level."

I laughed and finished off my drink. "Wait, doesn't he need to play an instrument to be involved in this race? Doesn't he at least need to seem like he's on the marching band, for sporting sake?"

Emmett smiled. "I think he pretends to play the saxophone. Or tuba. Or glockenspiel. Whatever springs to mind first." I smiled as I imagined Edward telling some drunk Dartmouth band girl that he played the triangle or the didgeridoo.

I kept talking to Emmett for a while longer, but by midnight, I was starting to sag. Obsessing over not eating donuts or pizza on the way out took a surprising amount of energy. For whatever reason, no one had really been dancing at Dem's this evening, so I was getting a little bored. Plus, the place had gotten very crowded, so not only was there no dancing, but it was hard to have a conversation. And I was already drunk enough, so I just stood around waiting for someone to announce that they were ready to leave.

At 12:30, I saw Rose start digging through the pile of coats we'd dumped on a table early in the night. I jumped at the chance to go. Rose almost never bought donuts, so she was an especially appealing person to leave with. I found Kate and wished her a happy birthday again, then walked over to Rose.

"You getting ready to head?" I asked as I watched Rose slip on her coat. She nodded yes, so I continued. "I'm ready, too. Just give me a sec to dig out my coat."

"Oh, Bells, I'm not going back to our room," she apologized. "I'm going with Emmett to Pierson." But when she saw the way my face fell, she offered, "but we can walk you over to Old Campus on the way."

"Uh, yeah, that would be fine," I replied, feeling kind of stupid. I turned away and picked through the coat pile until I located mine. "Alright, I'm ready."

As I'd hoped, Rose, Emmett and I left Demery's without the obligatory slice or donut. Emmett did offer, but Rose declined and we got past the worst part of the night in under 30 seconds. _All that dread for nothing. Yet again, making too big a deal out of things that just aren't that bad_.

Demery's was incredibly convenient to Old Campus, so my escorts had me back at Durfee in a matter of minutes. I waved goodbye as I walked in the entryway and thanked them. It certainly was a less interesting night than the one just a week ago.

…………………..

The rest of the weekend passed uneventfully. I went to show with Angela on Saturday night and spent a few hours on Sunday afternoon in the library, studying. And dozing. I sat in the L&B room at Sterling in a big leather club chair, resting my feet on a book shelf, reading by the light of a lamp. Everyone kept very quiet in Sterling, at least acting the part of serious students. The silence was good for getting work done, but not so helpful for staying awake. Luckily, Kate was with me for most of the time, so she kicked me when she heard me start snoring.

After grabbing a quick, early dinner at Trumbull, I got ready for a long night at rehearsal. It would be our first full run through of the show, so I knew I would be at Davenport very late. As I walked into the D'port courtyard, I quickly scanned the area for Edward, even though I knew I wouldn't see him. But I could not help it – it had become a habit to look for him upon entering his college. For a second I thought I glanced Edward going into the dining hall, but I refused to take a second look to confirm my suspicion. Instead, I looked down at the flagstone pathway and sped up my pace, using the trick I'd learned as a baby – if I can't see you, then you can't see me either. I banged on the entryway door and waited impatiently for someone to let me in, praying that Edward would not turn up while I was stuck on his doorstep. For once, my prayers were answered and I got inside before Edward could appear.

Rehearsal that night was an ordeal. Eric had a fight with Dan, the guy who was playing the lead, and Dan quit. No one knew if he was serious or not, so suddenly Eric was alternating between playing the lead and directing the other two actors. I was amazed that Eric could just hop into the role as if he'd been the one rehearsing for four weeks. I did all the set dressing and moved furniture between scenes, and waited while the three actors slowly worked their way through the script. I passed some of my down time trying to read my next play for my English class. I also tried to send a few text messages, but the service in the basement was almost nonexistent.

We finally finished up after midnight, and I agreed to a walk home from the lighting director, Drew. I hated asking strangers to walk me home, it made me feel entirely too dependent, but he offered, and I did not have a reason to say no. Luckily, Drew lived in Calhoun, across the street from Old Campus, so at least I didn't feel like I was taking him too far out of his way. We left together, laughing about the super weird vibe at the rehearsal, courtesy of the sudden change in the lead.

As we left the basement and started to cross the courtyard, I glanced to my side to see if Edward was around. Of course, at midnight on a Sunday, he was not lounging on the grass reading Hamlet. _Idiot. What were you expecting?_

Instead, I started talking to Drew to distract myself. "Do you do lighting design a lot?" I asked, just to get the conversation going.

"Constantly. There aren't that many folks on campus who can run a light board. And it isn't too major a commitment – just the last two weeks of rehearsals, usually. I've done enough of these converted squash court black box stages that I can design the light scheme in a few days. Of course, hanging the lights and hooking everything up can take a whole day – sorry if I was in your way tonight," he finished as we crossed York Street.

"Oh, don't worry, it was no big deal. I wish that the lights were the biggest distraction tonight!" I laughed.

"That's true! So, Bella, so how did you get involved in this play again?" Drew asked as we walked on the wide stone pathway that connected York and High Streets.

"It was totally accidental. Eric's girlfriend, Mara – I think she is doing the make up -- she lives across the hall from me. She knocked on the door to my suite a few weeks ago looking for crew for the show. And I said OK. I don't think I realized that it would be quite this intense at the end, however," I explained with a shrug.

"Yeah, they all get like this. Everything seems under control and then BOOM, you are scrambling in the last few days to get the show ready for opening night. It's a lot of work for four performances," Drew agreed.

I waited for him to continue, or ask another question, but Drew just walked with me in silence. Then I looked at the High Street gate and saw that it was closed. "Oh shit, the gate is already locked. I'm gonna have to climb over," I said with despair.

"That is the worst thing about Old Campus. They really should give you all keys to the gates, like we have to the college entrances," Drew commiserated.

"Yeah, well, tonight, it's time to show off my mountain climbing skills. Can you just give me a hand up?" I asked.

Drew knitted his fingers together and flipped his hands palms up so I could place my foot into his hands. Then he gave me a big heave as I grabbed the top of the gate. I gingerly pulled myself up and over, trying very hard to avoid the big spikes that stood on top of the main gate. Once both legs were over, I launched myself off the gate and on to the grass with very little grace. I landed with a thump and fell on my butt.

Drew burst out laughing. "Bella, that was the least graceful gate scaling that I've ever seen in my time here, and I'm a senior!"

I had to laugh, too. "I guess I'll just walk around to College Street next time. At least it's only my ego that's really bruised," I added.

Drew passed me my backpack through the bars of the fence and waved goodbye. I thanked him again and headed back to Durfee. At least no one I knew well had witnessed that feat of physical prowess.

As I walked across the quad to my dorm, my mind filled with Edward. _What would he have done if I had to climb the gate? Would he have helped like Drew, or insisted on walking me around to College? And when I fell on my butt, would he have laughed or hopped over the gate himself to check on me? Not that I needed checking on . . . but would he have insisted anyway? I bet he would have – he seemed sort of overprotective or chivalrous or something. Yet also so flirty and anti-commitment. What a weird combination . . ._

My mind stopped wandering as soon as I walked into my suite and got a whiff of brownies.

"Hello?" I called tentatively as I walked back toward my room. "Is someone awake?"

"We are," Reni and Charlotte called back. "We made brownies!" Reni added.

"So I smell," I replied as I stepped into their room, pausing in the doorway. "Where?"

"I decided to buy a microwave today," Charlotte announced, pointing to a big black microwave that now resided on top of her dresser.

"Why? And you microwaved brownies?" I asked with a look of disgust. "That sounds kind of vile."

"No, no. It also has a convection oven feature," Charlotte explained. "We cooked the brownies in the normal way, pretty much," she said with a smile.

"But why did you buy a microwave in the first place?" I asked. "You have a full meal plan, like everyone else."

"Yeah, I know, but sometimes I don't feel like going to the dining hall," Charlotte answered. "It's too much of pain."

"Charlotte, it's across the street. It takes two minutes to get there. It's not exactly a ten mile hike," I answered, looking at Reni for support.

"Well, sometimes I don't want to go, and now I don't have to," Charlotte replied sullenly. "If you are going to be obnoxious, you can't have any of our brownies," she added. "Not that you would anyway, right?"

"I eat dessert sometimes," I said defensively. "Just not after midnight, if I can help it."

"Charlotte, don't hassle Bella," Reni chimed in.

"Yeah, don't hassle Bella," I agreed.

"Then don't give me shit about my microwave, OK?" Charlotte proposed.

"OK. Fine. I'm going to sleep. It's nearly 1am and I have class at 10am tomorrow," I said as I turned and walked the few steps to my bedroom door.

I let myself into my room and tossed my backpack on the floor and shoved my coat onto the back of my chair. My gaze drifted to my closet and the small stash of snacks that I kept on the shelf in there. The problem was, I was hungry. _Maybe I should go back and ask for a few bites of brownie. I bet it's delicious. _Just thinking about it made my stomach grumble.

I dithered for a minute or two until my eyes fell on to the picture of Jacob and me that I had pinned to my wall near my computer. _Jacob would tell me not to do it – "if you don't want to slip, stay away from slippery places" he probably quote. Or "HALT – are you really hungry, or just anxious, lonely or tired." Jake had learned a lot about the treatment of compulsive eating this summer, courtesy of me. Just take a deep breath and remember, "this too will pass." So many stupid platitudes. I wish I could talk to him right now. He would get me through all this hunger or stress or . . . whatever._

I glanced at my digital clock. 12:51am. _He might be awake. Did I really want to call him at almost 1am? Maybe an IM. Then, if he's up, he'll get it and he'll call me._

I sat down at my desk and opened my laptop. As soon as it woke up from the sleep setting, I clicked my IM buddy list. Jake's icon was not lit up. _Crap!_ But Edward's was. I looked at the little green circle by Edward's name for a minute. _I could IM Edward. Just a little "hi" or "what's up." And he would . . . do what? Talk me out of eating brownies after midnight? Tell me he'd be right over? Engage me in a little chat? Yeah, that's a brilliant idea. I'm sure he'd take that the right way. As just a 'friendly' gesture. Stupid freakin' kissing. Forget it. _

I slammed shut my computer, stood up from my desk, put on my pajamas, and got into bed. _At least thinking about Edward just killed my appetite._ I rolled over and shoved my face into the pillow and tried to will myself to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9 Slipping and Falling

**A/N: Hi Everyone! Sorry this chapter is so late in posting here. As I'm sure you know, this story is also at Twilighted and way ahead of where it is here - I think it is on chapter 16 over there. I am going to try to upload all of the remaining chapters here in the next day or so - but if you are anxious, just go there first!**

**So, I got nominated for this indie twific award, but I didn't make it to the final round. Didn't you all vote for me? Just kidding. I guess I'll just have to try harder next time to drum up support.**

**This chapter has some unpleasant content. I don't want to give anything away, but please see my note at the end.**

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Chapter 9 – Slipping and Falling

I awoke the next morning to bright sunshine streaming through my oversized window. I rubbed my eyes and groaned as I got out of bed; it was going to be a long day. Three out of my four classes met on Mondays, plus I had promised Angela that I would go with her to hear a speech by the UN Secretary General at Battell Chapel at 4pm that day. One thing you couldn't fault Yale for – no shortage of famous speakers. So no jogging for me today. And then rehearsal was starting at 6pm – an hour earlier than usual – so we could do two run throughs. I grabbed my backpack and trudged out the door to head to Spanish.

The cool air that greeted me as I walked out of the entryway was a complete surprise. It wasn't even 50º that morning! Maybe not much above 40º! I quickly ran back inside to grab a warmer coat.

Having such a packed day had its advantages. I spent almost no time stressing about food or Edward. And I actually got excited about Jake's coming visit. He had sent me a text message saying that he would be arriving on Saturday around noon. I had told him not to bother coming sooner, as he would only get stuck having to sit through repeated performances of the show. He disagreed initially, but gave in when I reminded him about the tiny bed.

At 3:45 in the afternoon, Angela and I met in front of Battell Chapel and showed our Yale IDs so that we could get in for the speech. Battell was one of the oldest buildings on campus, and one of the largest – only lectures that were expected to pull huge crowds were held there. As Angela and I slipped into a pew in the middle of the chapel, I saw Emmett walking down the aisle on the other side. I waved when he saw me, and he smiled and waved back, but then he sat in a pew on the other side of the aisle. I craned my neck to see if he was sitting with Edward, but I couldn't tell. But before I could get too carried away, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and found Matt in the row behind us. I introduced Matt and Angela to each other and the three of us talked while we waited for the President of the Political Union to introduce the UN Secretary General.

"Do you come to these things a lot?" Matt asked as he glanced around at the large crowd.

"Not as much as I probably should," I said with a half smile.

"I know exactly what you mean! Last week I thought about going to the thing at the Law School – a Court of Appeals judge was speaking – but I wound up playing Rock Band instead at the DKE house," Matt admitted as Angela and I laughed.

"That's educational, too," Angela quipped.

"Hey, thanks again for loaning Jake that tie a few weeks ago. We had a great time at Mory's that night," I said.

"Oh, no problem. When's your boyfriend coming back?" Matt asked.

"This weekend, actually. I'm working on this show, and he's coming to see it," I replied.

"What show?" Matt asked.

"Just this little drama, called Orphans. Three man cast." I groaned and put my head up to my forehead. "Which reminds me. I'd been trying to block it out, but one of the actors might have quit last night," I said in distress as I looked at Angela.

"And the performances are this weekend? How's that going to work?" Angela asked with concern.

"The director took over for the missing actor last night, but I think everyone is just hoping that Dan comes around and rejoins tonight," I replied.

"Yeah, good luck with that!" Matt said as some girl we didn't know turned to shush us.

"It's starting," she pointed out and we stopped talking.

After a brief introduction by the Political Union President, the Secretary began his speech on the Israeli – Palestinian conflict. The topic was certain to generate an intense debate – the P.U. had advertised the speech as "Resolved: The Two State Solution Has Failed." I had already heard students arguing about the issue at lunch that day.

The Secretary General spoke for approximately 45 minutes before the floor was opened for parliamentary style debate. A microphone was set up in the main aisle to our right and a line had formed with students who wanted to ask questions or challenge points from the Secretary General's speech. I glanced at the line – it had to be 40 students long. There was no way that all of them were going to get a chance to speak. Then I noticed that the fifth or sixth person on line was Edward. I unconsciously slid further down in my seat.

"Isn't that the guy who drove you home from Brown?" Angela whispered in my ear. Apparently, she had spotted Edward, too.

"Yeah," I moaned. "Let's go."

"What's the problem?" Angela whispered back at me.

I really didn't want to start telling her the story, so I just muttered "nothing," and slid even further down in my seat. Luckily, the questions that the students were asking were incredibly interesting, so I didn't focus all my attention on Edward's back. The Secretary General's answers were a bit evasive, but the Yalies just kept going at him. Soon enough, it was Edward's turn at the microphone.

When he started speaking, my mouth almost fell open. After only having talked with him about girls, drinking and sports, I had a less than flattering opinion of his intellect. But I was clearly wrong. He gave an articulate, passionate little speech about parallels between Ireland and Israel, followed by a very provocative question where he essentially accused the UN of tacitly supporting terrorism in the Middle East. Angela turned me with a look of mild surprise on her face. "He's brighter than he looks, isn't he?" she whispered.

"Yeah, I guess so," I whispered back in mild shock.

We listened to another dissatisfying answer from the speaker, during which I stared at Edward the entire time. He shook his head "no" at most of the Secretary's comments, and raised his hand up to the microphone a few times as if he wanted to interrupt. When the Secretary was finished, Edward started to reply, but he was gently escorted away from the microphone by the P.U. President, so that the next student on line could have her turn. I could see his face for the first time since he started speaking, and Edward looked extremely annoyed. I understood his reaction – the Secretary had avoided answering Edward in any meaningful way.

I continued to stare as Edward walked up the aisle and back to the row where he must have been sitting before. He never glanced my way, so I watched him as he made his way carefully down the row, sliding along in front of a few seated students with his back to the front of the room. About midway down the row, he turned around and sat down next to some people I didn't recognize. He immediately started talking to whoever was seated next to him, and both guys looked pretty worked up. I turned back toward the front and listened to the rest of the student comments, forcing myself to ignore the urge to turn back around and look at Edward again.

When the debate was over, the thousand or so students all got up and started streaming toward the exits. Angela and I stood on Elm Street talking about the Secretary's speech for a bit when I glanced at my watch. It was already 5:30, and I had to be at rehearsal in half an hour.

"Dammit," I said as Angela glanced at me with a curious look on her face. "I don't have time for dinner," I explained. "I have to be at rehearsal in less than 30 minutes."

"Eat in D'port," she suggested. "You can just grab something quick and take it with you to the theater. And with the time you'll save, you can take a minute now to explain why you reacted like that when you saw Edward," she added.

I blushed and started to reply when Matt walked by. "Hey, good luck with the missing actor," Matt called.

"Yeah, thanks!" I answered as I shook my head. "Hopefully he's gotten over whatever had his panties in a bunch."

As Matt laughed, I took my opportunity to escape. "Eating at D'port is such a smart idea, Ang," I replied. "Thanks. Alright, I'll see you later," I said to her as I hurried off down Elm Street.

I got to the Davenport dining hall in less than five minutes, but I was not surprised that there was already a line sticking out of the kitchen doors. I glanced at my watch again – if I grabbed something quickly, I should be fine. I went over the menu in my head – it was one of my least favorite meals: a giant square of fried cheese with marinara sauce and pasta. At Trumbull I knew there would be some healthier alternate choice, but I had no idea what else the D'port kitchen would have to offer.

When I finally got the front of the line, I could see that the fried cheese brick was the only choice left. There was an empty metal chafing dish next to the one containing the fried cheese, so I guessed that whatever else had been available was already finished. I gave a moment's thought to waiting for the refill, but then I glanced at my watch again and realized that I didn't have time. I cursed quietly and let the student working behind the counter place a square of cheese and some pasta on plate, followed by a ladle full of tomato sauce. She handed me the plate with a small smile and moved on to the next person.

I placed the plate on my tray and walked over to the soda fountain while I tried to decide what to do. _Maybe I just won't eat anything. I'd just be skipping one meal – it's really no big deal. Maybe there's something edible at the salad bar. _I glanced around me. _Isn't there a salad bar in this stupid dining hall? I should have gone to Trumbull and just been late. Who would have cared? I'm such a moron. _I filled a cup with diet Coke and headed back into the main part of the dining hall, which was filled with students eating dinner and talking at all the long wooden tables. I thought about just dumping my tray at the end of a table and taking my soda with me down to the basement when I heard my name and turned to see who called me.

"Bella, over here," Edward yelled and motioned for me to come over, pointing to an empty seat at his table. Lacking any better plan, I walked over and put my tray down across from him.

"What are you doing here?" Edward asked as I stood awkwardly at the table, looking at all the people seated with Edward.

"Just grabbing some dinner before rehearsal," I mumbled.

Edward turned back to his friends. "Bella's working on a play in the black box theater in my entryway," he explained. Then he started pointing to the people near him. "Bella, this is Josh, and this is Mitch – two of my suitemates, and this is Jenna and that's Bree, who I guess you sort of already met. They live across the hall. And everyone, this is Bella," he finished.

I said "Hi," shyly as I glanced at the people Edward had identified. I thought I caught a meaningful look that passed between Josh and Mitch, when Edward spoke again and I snapped my head back to him.

"So, you decided to go for Davenport's famous 'nothing parmesan' I see," Edward commented as he looked at my plate.

I cocked my head to the side and looked at him in confusion for a second. Then I got the joke and started to laugh. "What a perfect name for this gross dinner! But I really don't think I can eat this," I admitted.

"Are you kidding? Josh and I look forward to 'nothing parmesan' all month! This is one of our favorite meals," Edward said sincerely. "Look, we each got two," he said as he pointed to his and Josh's plates. I just stared in shock.

"Bella, take a load off," Edward said, pointing to the empty chair again.

"You know, I really can't stay," I replied. "I have to be at rehearsal in," I paused to look at my watch, "less than15 minutes. I think I'll skip this fabulous meal and head to the theater."

"Why didn't you just come earlier?" Edward asked as I took a gulp of my soda.

"I was at the U.N. Secretary's speech. And, the whole thing went a little longer than I expected, so I thought I'd just grab something here. But 'nothing parmesan' wasn't exactly what I had in mind," I finished up.

"Try it – you might like it," Josh said with a smile. "Yummy fried cheese deliciousness," he jokingly moaned as he stabbed a big hunk of melted cheese and popped it into his mouth with a flourish.

"Uh . . . maybe next time," I replied uncomfortably. "Oh, Edward, your question and comments were great," I added, hoping to change the topic off my dinner.

"Thanks. Though you do seem entirely too surprised that I said something halfway intelligent," he replied as he took a bite of his fried cheese.

"Oh!" I said as I blushed and dropped my eyes to the table. "Uh, I really should just go. Where do I bus my tray in here?" I asked as I glanced around the unfamiliar dining hall.

"Just leave it, Bella. I'll toss your dinner for you. At least grab a few cookies or something on the way out," Edward answered and pointed over his shoulder to a table with platters of desserts.

"Thanks, I'll do that," I mumbled as I took a last sip of my soda. "Bye, nice meeting all of you," I said as I stepped away from the table and walked toward the cookies. _I'll just take one or two so he doesn't think I'm a complete freak. I'll give it to Tim or Eric. Or maybe Dan will be back! _ I scanned the plates and picked three big chocolate chip cookies, placed then on a napkin and then slipped them into my coat pocket. I turned back toward Edward, who was watching me make my selection, and gave a small wave. He smiled and turned back to his friends.

I walked down to the theater with my hand in my pocket, lightly touching the cookies. When I walked in, Eric and Timwere already there, talking with a guy I did not recognize.

"Hey, Bella," Tim called as I took off my coat and put it on a chair. "Bella, do you know Trevor? He's the producer. Trevor, Bella's doing props and she's my assistant," Tim explained to this new guy.

"Hi," I said shyly. "Nice to meet you."

Trevor, Eric and Tim went back to their discussion, and I started getting the stage set for the first scene. Soon, the rest of the cast and crew came in, including Dan, who was warmly welcomed back by everyone. By 6:30pm, we were set to start the first run through, and before I knew it, it was 11pm and we had almost finished a second full performance. Drew offered to walk me home again, and I gratefully accepted. As we were leaving, Eric and Tim told us that they were going to grab some pizza at Demery's and asked us if we wanted to come along. Before I could say "no," Drew agreed that we would join them.

I had forgotten that I had skipped dinner while rehearsing, but as soon as I got a whiff of the scent coming from the pizza place, I got ravenously hungry. _This is cool. Just a slice. No big deal. I didn't eat dinner, so I can fit these calories in today. Oh crap, but I didn't go running because of the speech. Maybe I don't have room . . . maybe I'll just eat half of it._

Drew interrupted my internal debate. "Bella, do you want one slice or two?"

"Uh, one is fine, thanks," I answered as I flipped my backpack on to the floor and bent down to fish in it for my wallet.

Soon all four of us were standing in the vestibule of Demery's eating our pizza. It was delicious.

"Man, I needed that!" Tim said. "I was ravenous. You know what? I think I'll get another slice. Everyone in?" he asked and the guys all nodded. "OK, four more slices, please," Tim said to the man at the counter.

I was excited for the second slice. To my dismay, I was still hungry. When the four slices came out, I wanted to grab mine and start gobbling it down immediately. But I didn't want to draw attention to myself, so I waited for Tim to hand them out. When we had all finished our second slices, Drew turned to me and asked if I was ready to go. As I started to answer, Tim tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a donut. "Thanks for everything you've done Bella. You've been a huge asset to the show," he said and then bit into the donut he was holding for himself.

I looked at the donut. It was glazed donut with chocolate frosting. My favorite. I turned off my brain and took a big bite.

"Thanks so much! For the compliment. And the donut," I added as I took another big bite. "But I've got to run. I think I'm holding Drew up."

Drew gave me a little smile and turned to leave Demery's. I quickly said goodbye to Tim and Eric and headed down Elm Street toward Old Campus with Drew.

"I guess we all could've ordered a pie at the start," Drew commented.

"I didn't even realize how hungry I was," I admitted as licked the last bit of frosting off of my fingers. "I skipped dinner, and I was fine until I smelled the pizza. Then it was all over."

Drew laughed. "Yeah, maybe tomorrow night we'll just have the pies delivered at a reasonable hour. That's what people do on shows the last week, most of the time."

I cringed. The idea of pizza delivery every night this week made me incredibly anxious. Would there be donuts, too? I shoved my hand into my coat pocket and my fingers grazed the giant cookies. I had forgotten to give them away. I suddenly had a sick feeling that the night had taken a very bad turn.

Drew watched me walk through the Elm Street gate, which was mercifully still open, and turned to walk the rest of the way to Calhoun. As soon as his back was to me, I pulled the first cookie out of my pocket and started eating it as I walked slowly toward my entryway. By the time I got to the door of my suite, I had finished all three and I wanted something else to eat before I got rid of all of it.

I shut the door to the suite softly behind me and glanced at the closed bedroom doors on my right. Mary and Kate were already asleep – or not home. Good. Fewer witnesses. But I saw light coming out of Charlotte and Reni's room.

"Hey, Charlotte, you guys cook anything tonight?" I asked quietly as I walked down the hall to my room.

"Sorry, Bella," Reni answered. "No more brownies! You wanted some?"

"Oh no, I was just checking," I answered out loud, while some smaller internal part cried _Dammit!_ If I was going to totally fuck up and make myself sick, I might as well eat even more before I did it. But there wasn't much of anything to eat in my room, except some saltines and rice cakes. If I was going to do this, I had to do it now. I changed into my pajamas, pulled my hair into a messy ponytail and headed to the bathroom. _Quick and quiet. Don't do anything that might raise suspicion. Don't think about it until it's over._

It had been months. Maybe since the early spring. But like riding a bike . . .

Within five minutes I had removed all the food from my stomach, wiped down the toilet and brushed my teeth. I washed my right hand and face to get off the last traces of pizza, donut and cookie vomit. I tried to avoid looking at myself in the mirror over the sink, but as I reached for my towel, my glance fell on my reflection. My eyes were watering and red; I already had tiny broken blood vessels in the sensitive skin on my eyelids. I was flushed and there was a slight sheen of sweat on my skin. I looked away in disgust and slunk back to my room. I flipped the light off and crawled into my bed. My throat hurt and I felt a little dizzy. And my head was pounding. It took less than a minute for the crying to start.

While I quietly sobbed into my pillow, my thoughts ran wild. _It seems like a fuck up like that should be brought on by something more dramatic than late night pizza. Just a skipped meal, and bad luck to get a walk home from a guy who can probably eat as much as he wants. I can't believe I let myself get in this situation! I was good for over six months. And now . . . I can't believe I did this. What about tomorrow? Am I going to do it again tomorrow when the pizza is delivered to the set? And the damn microwave in Charlotte's room? What am I going to do?_

I flipped on my lamp and found my cell. I stared at the phone while I cried, debating whether or not to call. Finally, I just took a deep breath and hit the speed dial for Jacob's number. He answered after just two rings. "Bella, what's up?" he asked warmly.

"Jake, I fucked up," I tried to say between sobs.

"Oh my God, Bella. Are you OK? What happened?" Jake asked in a panic.

"I . . . I just ate a bunch of stuff that I shouldn't and . . . now, you know, I just got rid of it," I admitted between muffled sobs.

"Hey, hey, honey, it's OK. Try to calm down. You did the right thing calling me. And it probably isn't as bad as you think."

"It is Jake. It is. I skipped dinner, and then I was so hungry so I had pizza, and, and all this other stuff. That's like 3000 calories or something. And I just couldn't keep it in me and I made myself throw up," I continued as tears ran down my face. "I'm totally freaking out."

"OK, baby. OK. It's not that bad. I know you feel terrible, but it's really not that bad. It's just this one time. And you are going to be fine tomorrow and-"

I started to interrupt, but Jacob pressed on. "I know, you are going to disagree, but I promise you, you will get past this. You are strong, and you've made so much progress, right?"

"Yeah," I agreed quietly.

"And you are just going to get back on track tomorrow and everything will be fine, right?"

"But I don't want to get fat, and I just totally lost control, and once I do it, it is so easy to do it again. And what if this is the start of a huge relapse?" I whimpered.

"Bells, baby, you are going to be OK. So you messed up once. No one is perfect. Not even you," he said in a sweet voice.

I smiled a tiny bit through my tears. "Jake, I just wish you were here now. I miss you so much. I need you nearby. I feel disgusting."

"Hey, I'm just a call away, right? Anytime you need me. And I'll be in New Haven in five days. I can come sooner if you want. Would you like me to change my trip to Friday night? I'll see if Rachel is up for a night drive. Then I be waiting for you when you get back from the performance," Jacob offered.

My crying had settled down to near silent weeping. I considered Jacob's offer to come on Friday. I knew it was selfish of me, but I wanted so badly to say yes. But I just couldn't somehow. "You don't have to do that," I whispered as I cried.

"I know I don't have to. I want to. In fact, I'm not even asking you. I'm telling you. I will be there on Friday night," he replied insistently.

"If you want to," I said quietly as I wiped some of the tears off my face with the back of my hand.

"It's done. Even if Rachel can't make the change. I'll be there on Friday night when you get back from the show," Jacob promised.

"Thank you. I don't even know what to say," I said as I sniffled.

"How about that you are going to get into bed and go to sleep and take on tomorrow when you wake up? A day at a time, right? And no throwing up tomorrow?" Jacob suggested.

"OK," I whispered. I knew that it was an empty promise, but I made it anyway, for him.

"Alright. Thank you. I love you, Bella." Jake whispered.

I froze in shock for a second. He had never said that before. I started crying again.

"Wait. That just slipped out. It wasn't supposed to make you cry!" Jacob said with dismay.

"No, it's OK. I love you, too. And these are sort of happy tears," I added. "Well, happier than all the others."

"OK, because I didn't mean to add to your freak out," Jacob replied nervously.

"No, no, you didn't add to it at all. You made me feel better, really. Thank you."

Jacob sighed. "Well, argh! I didn't mean to say it on the phone for the first time. I've wanted to say it for awhile now, but . . . will you give me a chance to try again in person on Friday?"

"Of course," I said with a genuine smile. "I can't wait to give you unlimited additional chances to say it. And to say it back."

"Goodnight, Bells. I love you."

"I love you too, Jake. Goodnight. And thank you again," I said and then hung up, still filled with remorse. Hopefully the immediate confession would keep me from doing the same thing tomorrow. That was my best comfort I could give myself before I fell into a fitful sleep.

……..

I awoke on Tuesday morning in a terrible funk. This was no surprise. Depression and my eating disorder went hand in hand – I honestly wasn't sure which was the cause and which was the effect. But once either showed its face, its partner was never far behind.

I looked at myself in the mirror as I got ready. I could still see the tiny red lines under my eyes – I think they are called gin blossoms when you have them from drinking. Otherwise, no outward sign of my fall. I noticed that my throat hurt. That seemed weird. I guess when you don't purge on a regular basis, your throat is bothered by it when you do it again. I turned away from the mirror, repulsed by my own reflection.

I dragged myself through the rest of the day, anxiously facing each meal as if it were a life or death test. By the time I walked over to Davenport, I was nearing a full blown anxiety attack at the thought of having pizza at rehearsal that night. Luckily, to everyone's surprise, the run through went so well that we all got sent home early, by 10pm. I didn't even really need my escort home from Drew – there were still tons of students out walking around the campus at that hour.

Our dress rehearsal on Wednesday also went off without much of a hitch. We did the whole show in just over two hours, including a brief intermission between acts 2 and 3.

While we were reviewing director and stage manager notes, Trevor came in with a huge grin on his face.

"Good news people!" he announced with glee. "We came in significantly under budget, so we are going to have over $100 for the cast party!" Everyone clapped and cheered. "I just ordered us a case of cheap champagne from Quality Wine, so we should have more than enough to go around." I briefly glanced around the room. _Three actors, seven of us on crew – that was more than a bottle of champagne a person. Wow. That's some cast party._ "We'll celebrate on Saturday after the late show. Probably right here, or maybe in one of the other rooms in the basement." He started to walk out, then he turned and looked at everyone, ending on me. "And you can bring a guest if you want to."

I blushed purple. Then I leaned over to Tim and whispered, "That seems like it was aimed at me. How does he know I have a boyfriend?"

"I think it was for everyone. But, to answer your question, some guy did come down here looking for you a few weeks ago with coffee and food. And he waits for you outside the entryway all the time," Tim replied.

"Oh God, no. No, that is most definitely not my boyfriend," I protested. "I do have a boyfriend, but that is not him. No, that guy is Edward. He's just a, uh, guy I know. My boyfriend is Jacob."

"Whatever. Bring whomever you want. Bring both! As you heard, we're gonna have a lot of champagne," Tim said. "OK, everyone. Let's focus. Back to notes," he added in a much louder voice.

I had a lot of trouble concentrating on the discussion that followed. At one point, Tim kicked my foot to get my attention, and I looked up at him in embarrassment. He just pointed to Eric, who had apparently started some sort of pep talk. I tried to look like I was paying attention and laughed whenever everyone else did. I was grateful when Drew tapped me on the shoulder and told me he was ready to go – it was after 11pm – and I had started yawning.

Thursday and Friday flew by. I was still feeling very down about my screw up on Monday night, but I managed to keep my sullen mood pretty much to myself. Most people seemed to assume that I was just nervous about the show, and I didn't disabuse them of that idea. I just kept reminding myself that on Friday night I would see Jacob and everything would feel better.

The performances on Thursday and Friday went beautifully. The three actors were incredible and the audiences responded really well to the show. Unlike at rehearsal, the actual performance required very little work from me; I had a few minutes of business between acts, but most of the time, I sat off stage waiting for the scenes to end so I could do my job. It was sort of a let down. At least, I told myself that was what was making me feel down.

By the end of the Friday night performance, I was ready to jump out of my skin. I couldn't wait to get back to my room and see Jacob. He had sent me a text when he left Providence, so I knew he should have arrived at least an hour earlier. Hopefully Rose hadn't flaked on letting him in.

I rushed my post-performance clean up and practically ran out of the theater and out into the Davenport courtyard. As I hurried across the grass, I pulled my coat tighter around my body – it had really gotten chilly the last few days. I shivered as I grabbed the handle and pulled open the gate.

A bunch of people were walking up to Davenport's entrance, so I held the gate for them while they filed in. The last one paused and smiled at me. It was Josh, Edward's suitemate. "Hey Bella," he called as he walked past. Then he turned back to me. "You're leaving so soon?"

"Huh?" I replied in confusion. I glanced out toward the street – I really wanted to get out of there and get back to Durfee to see Jacob.

"Weren't you just at my room with Edward?" Josh asked.

"No. Why would I be? The play I've been working on, Orphans, just finished its performance," I explained.

"Oh, right. Sorry. My mistake. I . . . never mind," he said, looking a bit sheepish.

We looked at each other for a moment, then I understood. "I guess I'm not the girl in there," I said with a forced smile. "Knock loudly before you enter," I added with a snide laugh.

Josh gave a little embarrassed chuckle, then ran to catch up with his group.

_Glad to see Edward isn't wasting any time pining for me. I wonder who the lucky girl is tonight. No, actually, I don't care. I'm going to see the boy who matters, and he'll make me feel all better._

………

Jacob had been waiting on my bed, as promised, when I got back to the room Friday night, and he had me smiling within minutes. Well, after the crying jag ended, it was just a few minutes. We snuggled together and said I love you in person, and even somehow figured out how to get a decent night's sleep in my extra long twin. When I woke up on Saturday, it was first time all week that I didn't feel the oppressive fog of my depression sitting on my chest like a weight.

Unfortunately for Jake, Orphans had two shows on Saturday night. We were doing an early show at 7pm and a late show at 10pm. I apologized to Jake repeatedly for making him come down for a weekend when I couldn't spend time with him, but he basically told me to shut up. He decided to come to the late show, so he could just join me immediately afterward for the cast party.

As soon as the second performance ended, the cast, crew and assorted guests made their way into a room right down the hall from the theater. I recognized it from my first day of rehearsals – it was the home for broken gym equipment! Someone had dragged a ratty couch into the room and plugged in a stereo with an iPod dock. There were a few open bags of chips sitting on the bench press and pizza boxes stacked on a table next to a treadmill. It was a perfect use of the space.

Everyone was in a great mood, even me. The four performances had gone perfectly and we had sold almost every ticket. We were all standing around congratulating each other when Trevor walked in carrying the case of champagne. He and Eric immediately started popping the corks on the bottles and handing them out.

Trevor gave me a full bottle, so I laughed and asked for a glass.

"Sorry Bella. Forgot to buy cups. We're just going to have to drink directly from the bottles," he said with a smile.

"OK then. I guess I'll share with you, Jacob," I said. Then I took a huge swig of champagne. It was delicious. Icy cold and very sweet. I took another big drink before I passed the bottle to Jacob and called out, "Trevor. This is fantastic. It tastes like ginger ale. And so cold. How did you refrigerate a case of champagne? Did they let you use the college kitchen?"

"Ha! That's a good one Bella. No, mother nature was on our side. It's been so chilly lately, so I figured I'd just put the case outside tonight before the first show. It's barely 40º out now – so the champagne got really well chilled."

Jacob passed the bottle back to me and went to grab a slice of pizza. I took another really big swig. Jake asked if I wanted a slice, but I waved my hand no. I had no desire to revisit the culprit from Monday night's disaster. Instead, I had another gulp of champagne. Jake just shrugged and tore into his slice.

Tim came over to talk to me and meet Jake. While they were chatting, I took a few more drinks out of my bottle. It was really cold and kind of uncomfortable to hold – so I passed it from hand to the other, taking frequent sips.

A little while later, Mara sat down on the couch and called me over. We started talking about the show and how well it went, and at some point, I realized that I had finished more than half of my bottle. I suddenly noticed that I was having trouble concentrating on what Mara was saying. It was as if my brain couldn't quite keep up with the speed of her words. But I tried to follow the conversation, and I just smiled a lot.

The next thing I knew, I was moaning, lying face down in my suite's bathroom, less than a foot from the toilet. My head was killing me and I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I started to try to get up, but a wave of nausea rolled over me and I quickly lay back down on the cold tile.

"Hey, Bella, are you up? Do you need to throw up again?" a voice asked from behind me. I opened my eyes a crack.

"Kate? What are you doing here? What happened? What time is it?" I asked in a daze.

"It's about 7am Bells. You've been in here all night, since you got home from the cast party," she said in a quiet tone.

"Where's Jacob?" I moaned.

"He's asleep in your bed," she replied.

"Have you been taking care of me all night?" I whispered.

"No, just the last hour or two. Rose had you before that," Kate explained.

"Oh," I replied in another moan.

"Do you think you can take off your clothes now Bella? We tried to undress you earlier, but you weren't able to help us, so we didn't get far."

I opened my eyes again a bit and looked at myself. I was completely dressed, except for my boots. And apparently I was covered in vomit.

"Oh god. Oh look at me. Please help me get out of this stuff," I whimpered.

"Of course honey," Kate said as she helped me peel off my black leggings, black skirt and black sweater. The sweater seemed to have born the brunt of my wrath.

"I'm just going to toss this stuff into a plastic bag for you and you can deal with it later," Kate said. "Let's go get you some clean clothes."

"I'm not sure I can get up," I moaned. I had moved to sitting up next to the toilet, with my head leaning back against the tiles and my arms resting on the bowl. The whole room seemed to be moving slightly. "Can you just go into my room and get my pajamas?" I whispered.

"Sure. Can you tell me where they are?" she asked sweetly, almost like I was a child.

"Yeah." I held up one finger to her and paused as a wave of nausea rolled over me. "Bottom drawer of my dresser. Anything you find in there will do." I lay down again to recover from the exertion of speaking.

Kate slipped out of the bathroom to find my clean clothes. I noticed that my hair seemed all matted, and when I examined it a bit more closely, I discovered that there were chunks of vomit in my hair. I started to cry. _I can't believe I just threw up again! Did I make myself do it? Oh god, maybe I am starting a relapse?_

Kate came back a minute later with my flannel pajama pants and a green t shirt that said Jamaica across the front.

"Before you put this on, do you want to try to take a shower?" she asked, as she saw me examining my soiled hair and weeping.

"I don't know if I can," I sniffled.

"Let's try. I think you'll feel a little better if you're cleaned up a bit."

With her help, I slowly pulled myself into a standing position, pausing at least twice to hold my head over the toilet and retch. However, nothing came up. Apparently, I had already exhausted that option.

"I think I just want to get into bed," I whispered.

"Just take a quick shower. You'll feel better, I promise," Kate assured me.

Moving in slow motion, I eased my way into the shower and started washing out my hair. Unfortunately, the warm water did nothing to ease my nausea, so I had to get out of the shower before I was completely clean. But I was certainly better.

Kate helped me dry off and put on my pajamas, while I moaned and quietly cried. She handed me my toothbrush and suggested that I take a moment to clean my mouth before heading to bed. Finally, she walked me down the hall to my bedroom.

Jacob was sprawled across my bed, face up and snoring. I didn't have the strength to shove him over, so I just feebly tapped on his arm to get him to move and make room for me. He sort of groaned and rolled to his side, and I gingerly climbed into bed.

"Ugh. Bella, you're wet," he grumbled as I lay down and gently placed my head on the pillow.

"I just took a shower," I explained. "With Kate's help." Then I started to cry again. "Why weren't you there with me?" I whimpered.

"You wanted me to sleep on the floor of the bathroom with you?" Jacob asked incredulously as he twisted over to face me.

"Well, take care of me, at least. I look like an idiot, having my boyfriend asleep in my bed, while my suitemates nurse me and clean up after me," I cried.

"Bella, I hate to break it to you, but you look like an idiot because you got ridiculously drunk and puked your brains out, not because I slept in your bed last night," Jacob replied in a surly tone. "And I was in there with you for the first hour or so, but I had to get some sleep, and you didn't seem inclined to move, so I left you in there. It didn't bother you at the time," Jacob finished.

"Well, it was mean. I didn't get that drunk on purpose. It just flew up on me. I don't even remember what happened," I admitted in a whisper. "Did I make myself throw up?" I asked with terror.

"No, you certainly did not need to offer any assistance. Your body took care of the puking all by itself," he said in a mildly annoyed tone.

"When did I . . . what happened?" I whispered.

"Well, you were having a great time at the party, talking with everyone, laughing, when you decided to have some pizza. I should have known that something was up at that point. You gobbled down a slice, and I realized that you had finished that whole bottle of champagne, essentially by yourself." I gasped, then Jake continued. "So I told you that I thought it might be time to head home. And you agreed. We started to walk back to Old Campus and we discovered that the Elm Street gate was locked. You started cursing, then decided to climb over."

I moaned and put my hands over my face. "Did I make it?" I asked in despair.

"No, you could barely walk in a straight line at that point. I dragged you back off the gate and started walking around to College Street. Luckily, you were lucid enough to tell me where we had to go. You were getting sloppier as we walked – incredibly, the full force of the champagne was still working its way through you I guess – and you started singing that stupid Mory's song." Jake paused as I moaned in embarrassment. "I finally got you over to the College Street gate and dragged you across the courtyard back to Durfee. By the time we got inside, you had become nauseous, and pretty soon you shared back everything you ate and drank. After an hour or two, I left you by the toilet to get some rest," Jacob concluded.

"Oh my god, I'm an idiot," I whimpered. "I feel so horrible. And I ruined your night, too. I'm so sorry." I paused briefly to take a breath and push my wet hair out of my face. "But you left me on the floor," I whined.

"Look, I know you didn't get stupid drunk and sick on purpose. But you can't be mad that I left you in the bathroom," he said in annoyance.

I tried to flip myself to put my back to Jake, but moving that quickly only made me feel sick and dizzy, so half way through my twist, I gave up. I just concentrated on lying as still as possible and keeping my eyes closed. I was ridiculously uncomfortable, but the exhaustion was even greater, and at some point I passed out again.

Later, I awoke to someone stroking my arm. I opened my eyes a crack.

"Bells, I'm gonna head back to Brown in a little while. Rachel just shot me a text – she wants to leave at 11am. That's in less than an hour. Do you want to get up and have some breakfast? You want bagels at that place you told me about – the jewish center?"

I groaned at the thought of eating anything. "No, no. Go without me. Have Rose take you to brunch in Trumbull," I muttered as I closed my eyes and rolled over on my side.

"You sure? A little food in your stomach might help," Jake offered. When I grunted in reply, he continued. "Well, can I bring something back for you?"

"No. I don't know. Ask Rose," I grumbled and pulled my blanket over my head.

"Alright. I'll come check on you once more before I leave," Jacob replied.

More time passed as I alternately slept and wallowed in self pity. _I'm never drinking again. Ever. Or eating anything. But especially not drinking. And I can't believe Jake left me on the bathroom floor like that. Ugh!! And I can't believe that I threw up twice in less than a week. I am so screwed. I'm gonna crash and wind up at home again. _

As he promised, Jacob came back to say goodbye, but I was asleep, so he just left a little note, which I found mid-afternoon when I tried to get up. I stumbled into the common room and found Kate and Charlotte studying together for their American History class.

"Hey guys," I croaked.

"She lives!" Charlotte yelled as I flinched.

"I'm not ready for yelling just yet," I replied as I rubbed my face with my hands. "What time is it?"

"It's about four in the afternoon, Bells," Kate answered.

"Oh, God. I wasted my whole day. And I still feel like crap," I groaned as I sat down on the couch next to Charlotte.

"Look, it happens to everyone, eventually," Kate said sympathetically.

"So you got your big freshman drunken puke fest out of the way before the end of the second month in college. Just proves you're a real Yale high achiever," Charlotte agreed with a teasing smile.

"Oh, I know I'm not ready to laugh about this yet," I moaned with hand over my eyes. "Hey, either of you know if the Giants are the late game today?"

Kate shrugged and Charlotte nodded her head and said, "Sorry, no idea."

"I think I'll shower and see if the guys downstairs are watching," I said as I wandered back to my room to grab my caddy of shower stuff.

"'Kay," Charlotte said as she turned back to the textbook and started quizzing Kate again.

I cleaned myself up with more success than the last time and slipped on some sweats. Then I made my way down to the suite directly underneath ours. _Someone had to be watching the Giants game, if it was on. And even if it's the Jets or Pats, I'll watch. There is no way I'm doing any work in this state._

To my great relief, Matt was watching the Giants. I sat next to him on their ratty futon, trying to root without moving too much. Matt and Brad got a few good laughs from my description of my exploits the night before. They spent more time commenting on my pathetic condition than on watching the game. But at one point, Brad made a comment about the defense that sounded exactly like one that Edward made when I watched the game with him. Unfortunately, I snapped my head to look at Brad, and immediately regretted it as pain shot through me. Apparently, my brain was not as firmly set in place as on a normal day. It felt like it had sloshed against my skull. I grabbed my head and rubbed it as I groaned.

"Don't worry Bells, it'll all be better soon," Brad said sympathetically.

I gave him a weak smile. _You have no idea how much I hope you are right._

**A/N End note:**

**I as trying not to glamorize Bella's eating disorder in any way. I hope that the purging was not too graphic - I tried to keep it subtle without lessening the horror. **

**Please review and tell me what you think of this chapter/story. I appreciate all the feedback, whether it is criticism or praise.  
**


	10. Chapter 10 Halloween

**A/N - just trying to get caught up with Twilighted. I suspect most of you will like this chapter a hell of a lot better than the last one. Please review and tell me if you enjoyed.**

* * *

Chapter 10 – Halloween

"I don't think I'm going to go," I told Rose when she asked how soon I would be ready to head over to Pierson for Halloween "liquor treats."

"Come on, Bells. This is a once-a-year party. And we have awesome costumes," she pointed out as she held up her dress from Goodwill.

"The costumes are great, Rose. I can't believe you found these dresses for five bucks each. I think I spent more at the toy store on the guns," I admitted. "But it is so soon since my, you know, incident this past weekend. I don't think I can be near alcohol yet," I said, wrinkling my nose in disgust. _I'm also so afraid that I'm going to puke again and I just can't let that happen._

"So don't drink. Just have a soda or something. That is not the point. Well, it's part of the point, but it is not the only point. Liquor treats is just the prelude to the Inferno – and I know you love to dance," Rose cajoled.

"So go with Kate. Maybe I'll just stay home tonight," I said as I shrugged.

"Bella, Charlie did not have two angels – he had three," Rose pointed out. "You'll be bailing on Emmett, too, if you don't come."

"Kate, help me!" I yelled down the hall.

Kate came out of her room in her polyester 70s style dress, holding her gun in one hand and a little purse in the other. She had parted her hair straight down the middle and loaded on the blue eye shadow.

"Yes, you should go," she replied as I opened my mouth to ask for her help.

"Yikes, some friend you are. Remind me not to ask you to be my sobriety partner for the AA meeting," I griped. _Or my OA meeting._ "Fine, fine, give me a few minutes to get ready."

About 20 minutes later we left the suite to walk over to Pierson. I had to admit, I had been looking forward to liquor treating – an all alcohol version of trick-or-treating. It was basically a Pierson around-the-world party, and you really had to know someone in Pierson to get invited to go early. When Emmett initially invited Rose and Kate and me, I was thrilled. But after my exploits this past weekend, my enthusiasm was dampened.

"Do you know which rooms are hosting?" Kate asked Rose.

"Emmett said to meet him at Entryway C for hot apple cider with rum. Then there is a margarita room, a vodka and mixers room, and there are tequila shots and a keg, too in the Slave Quarters. Probably more. We'll figure it out. I'm sure Emmett knows the whole list."

We walked up to the Pierson gate with a small group of superheros, a few sexy witches, and a punk rock band. Luckily, someone in the band was actually in Pierson, so he let us inside the college. Rose led us to the right entryway – she had been spending a considerable amount of time in Pierson lately, so she had no trouble finding her way around. As promised, Emmett was waiting in the apple cider room.

"My angels are here!" Emmett yelled as we walked in.

"Sorry we kept you waiting, Bosley," Kate replied.

"I'm Bosley? I thought I got be Charlie!" Emmett said with a laugh. "Rose, Kate, Bella, the playboy bunny here is Amy and that sexy skunk is Tanya, our charming hostesses for the evening," Emmett said as he introduced us to two of the girls who lived in the suite.

"Thanks for having us," I replied awkwardly.

Amy laughed. "Hey, any friend of Emmett's . . ." she said with a wink. "Speaking of which, where's Edward?"

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be over," Emmett replied, glancing at me for a second. "But what do you care?" he asked with a sly grin. "Didn't I hear that you were seeing some swim team guy?" Emmett asked.

"Oh, that's over," Amy replied. "I think."

"Over isn't necessarily over, especially on a night like tonight," Emmett said with a grin, glancing toward me again as he walked over to Amy. "Let me hear about your body-hairless man," he said as Amy giggled.

Rose took that as her cue to walk over to the large brown thermos holding the cider. She grabbed a few plastic cups and started filling them, handing one to Kate and then one to me, before filling one for herself.

I grimaced when I looked into my cup, but I put it to my lips and took a sip. It was actually pretty good. "To the hair of the dog," I said as I held up my cup for toast. Emmett immediately raised his cup to mine and clinked it with a huge smile.

"That's right Bella. You just get right back on the horse," he said.

"Funny, I don't recall telling you about last weekend," I said as I took a small sip of my cider.

"I . . uh . . . yeah, Rose told me," he said with a sheepish grin. "Sorry. Sounds like it was pretty big mess." I scowled at him, so he continued, "Please don't be mad. I can't even list the number of times I've hurled from drinking. I might tonight. Hopefully I'll just bounce back a little faster."

It was impossible to get too annoyed with Emmett – he was just like a giant teddy bear. "Bosley, how could I get mad at you?" I said with a grin. "Another toast. To the boot and rally!"

"To the boot and rally," Emmett echoed with a shout. Apparently, it was a crowd pleaser, for in an instant, half the people in the suite were toasting to the boot and rally. _If only they knew … or, better, thank god they don't. _

After we finished our cider, Emmett led us around Pierson to the other rooms participating in the party. We had vodka with mixers at our first stop, a senior girls' suite, then Jägermeister shots in a junior boys' suite down one flight (only Emmett and Rose drank the Jäger). We went to another entryway for margaritas in a junior girls' suite and white Russians in a sophomore boys' suite. Even taking it as easy as possible, it was clear that we were all going to be hammered by the time we got to the dance. I just prayed that I wouldn't wind up sick like I had after the cast party. I did not need to spend another night on the bathroom floor. And tonight, no one would be sober enough to help me.

When we left the white Russian room, we saw that the Inferno, the official Pierson party, was getting started. The line to get into the dining hall, which held the DJ and the dance floor, snaked out the gate and down York Street. Kate, Rose and I decided that we would liquor treat a little longer until the line died down. We headed to the senior guys' rooms in a small area of Pierson known as the Slave Quarters.

There was a sizeable crowd standing around in this highly desirable part of Pierson. Despite the name, it was held some of the most sought after rooms in the college, and almost always went to senior guys with strong partying credentials. It looked like this year was no exception. The party inside one room had spilled out the door and into the little stone courtyard, so it was the first time that night that we had trouble staying together. Kate and I shoved our way into the room, looking for the signature drink.

"Hey, what's up ladies?" a guy dressed as a surgeon asked us. "Coming for the tequila shots?"

"Oh, is that all you are serving in here?" Kate asked in reply.

"We had the mixer for tequila sunrises at one point, but only the tequila is left. I'm Garrett, by the way," he said as he offered his hand to shake hello.

"Garrett?" I said quizzically. "Um, I think we've met. Don't you live on Park Street?"

"Yeah! Wait, who are you?" he asked in confusion.

"I'm Bella. I was in your house a few weeks ago to watch a Giants game . . ." I trailed off, feeling incredibly lame.

"Oh, of course! You're Edward's Bella," he said as a look of recognition crossed his face.

"Uh – not exactly- " I started to say, but he cut me off.

"And who are you?" he asked, staring at Kate.

"Kate," she replied, grinning coyly. I looked from one to the other in amusement.

"Come, have a shot with me," he offered, steering us toward the full sized bar that took up a decent part of the suite's common room.

"Oh my god, where did you get this thing?" I asked in shock. There were even little bar stools.

"The guys who live here built it," Garrett replied.

"Wait, who's room is this?" I asked, looking around for the owners of this amazing bar.

"You have a lot of questions, Bella. Tim and his roommates are around here somewhere," Garrett answered with a grin. "Now here's my question for you. Where's the other angel?"

I smiled. "Rose is outside by the keg with her boyfrie-," I said as Kate cut me off.

"You mean outside with our Bosley," she said, then struck a pose with her gun pointing at Garrett. I immediately joined her, back to back, pointing my gun at the ceiling. I glanced at Kate, wondering what had gotten into her. She was usually really reserved around guys.

"Very nice," Garrett replied with a huge smile. "Have a seat, have a shot," he offered.

I looked at Kate with a bit of fear in my eyes. This seemed like a very bad idea. But she was all for it. Kate hopped on to her stool and patted the one next to her and then motioned to me to sit.

Garrett poured us each a tequila shot, then asked if we knew what we were doing. We both nodded yes, so he handed us the salt and two lime wedges and poured his own shot. Kate and I licked our left hands below our thumbs and poured a little salt on, then passed the salt back to Garrett, but he waved it away. When he said "go," Kate and I each licked our hands, did our shots, slammed down the glasses and bit into our limes. Garrett just shot his down straight and smiled at us.

"Well done angels! I love a girl who can throw down her tequila," Garrett said with a smirk aimed directly at Kate. "Do you want another?"

"Thanks Garrett," Kate said in a sweet voice. "Absolutely."

"I think I need to find our other angel," I murmured and slipped off my stool. I glanced at Kate to see if she cared, but she was already leaning forward to get ready for her next shot with Garrett. I grinned to myself as I slipped out the door and back into the little courtyard. I was actually relieved to take a break for a bit from the drinking.

I stood on my toes and tried to find Rose in the crowd. After a few moments, I spotted her with Emmett on the other side of the courtyard. I was pushing my way through a few groups of people to get to her when someone touched me on the shoulder.

As I turned around to see who was tapping me, a familiar voice said, "I vant to suck your blood."

"Edward?" I asked as I looked at him. He was dressed all in black, including a cape, and he had white powder on his face, plastic fangs, and a line of red paint dripping out of his mouth. He also had somehow slicked down his hair, which was very disorienting.

"Were you expecting some other vampire?" he asked with a loopy grin as he popped the fangs out of his mouth and put them in his pocket.

"No, no. It's just that your hair is –"

"Combed?" he finished.

"Yes!" I laughed. "Yes, you look shockingly different with slicked back hair!" I said as I started to reached up to touch it. Then I stopped myself and just asked, "What did you put in it to make it do that?"

"You'll have to ask Bree what glop she used. I don't know. I think it smells kind of girly," he finished, reaching up to touch his hair and then smelling his fingers. "Sort of sweet," he added, wrinkling his nose a little.

"Come here," I said. "Bend down a sec."

Edward bent over and I stood on my tip toes so that I could smell his hair. "Umm. Yeah, grapes, I think. I like it!" I said with a grin.

Edward stood back up and grinned at me again, but he didn't look quite right. Something else was off.

"How drunk are you?" I asked.

"You're very nosy, you know. Didn't you ask me that last time we were out together?" he replied, speaking a bit more slowly than normal.

"Just curious. You seem . . . different than usual," I explained. "Besides the hair."

"I'm not really drunk at all," he answered. "First beer," he said as held up the plastic cup in his hand. "Mike, Josh, Matt and I just spent a little time with MJ before we came over," he said cryptically.

"Huh?" I replied, looking at him blankly.

"You know, smoking," he said as he held his thumb and pointer finger together and put them up to his lips and pretended to suck something in.

"Oh, you're stoned!" I exclaimed. "I knew something seemed off. You're moving too slowly or something."

"Do you want -" he started to offer, but I cut him off, nodding my head emphatically "no" from side to side.

"I don't smoke," I answered.

"Ever?" he asked in surprise.

"Ever," I replied.

"Why?"

"I don't like the feeling of the smoke in my throat," I answered, giving my standard reply for avoiding pot. _Also, you couldn't bribe me to do something that is guaranteed to make me hungry. No way in hell._

"Yeah, that can be unpleasant if you're not used to it," he agreed. "Well, then, let me get you a beer," he offered.

"No thanks," I replied. "Not much of a beer drinker, remember?"

"Oh, of course, right," he answered. "My mistake. Would you like a Cosmo?" he asked with a grin.

"Is there a Cosmo room at this party?" I asked.

"I don't know," he answered. "Let's ask Emmett."

I glanced toward where I had last seen Emmett, but he was gone.

"Do you know where he is?" I asked.

"Isn't he over there?" Edward asked, hooking a thumb over his shoulder toward the keg where Emmett had been standing.

"Not anymore," I answered. "At least, I can't see him."

"OK, let's go find Emmett, then ask him about Cosmos," Edward suggested.

Edward turned and started to walk through the crowd, but then glanced back at me and held out his hand. "Come on," he called to me, waiting for me to place my hand in his. I hesitated a second, then I reached out and grabbed it.

When we were through the small crowd near the keg, I let go of his hand. Then I looked around, but none of my friends were in sight. "Shoot, I lost Rose and Emmett. And I left Kate in there," I said as I pointed back toward the room I'd just been in. "But that seemed to be what she wanted," I added with a little shrug.

"Maybe Em & Rose went into the Inferno?" Edward suggested as we walked toward the dining hall and the music.

"It's possible," I replied, feeling a bit peeved. "I can't believe they didn't wait for me," I complained.

"Oh, that could be my fault," Edward said with a smile. When I looked at him with my eyebrows pulled together, he added, "They probably think you've been turned into a vampire already. No point hanging around unless they want to be members of the immortal undead, too."

I laughed. "Did you tell Emmett to keep Rose and Kate away when you found me?" I asked as we got to the doorway to the dance.

"No," Edward replied. "But that would have been a good plan."

"In what way?" I asked.

"Because then you would have no one to dance with but me," he said with his awesome lopsided grin. Then he grabbed my hand again and led me into the dining room and into the crowd.

I glanced around me briefly. The tables that normally filled the room had been pushed against the walls, and the chairs were stacked on top of the tables, creating a huge open space for a dance floor. Halloween decorations hung from every chandelier and covered most of the walls. It looked like a scene from a Harry Potter movie.

The Inferno was immensely popular, so there were hundreds of students in the Pierson dining hall, all dressed in costumes and moving in a mass to the music. Edward somehow found a little open space for us and pulled me into it. We started dancing and I immediately remembered how much fun we had dancing together at Toad's. Then I remembered how the night ended and a worried look passed over my face. Edward must have seen it, because he stiffened and his smiled faltered for a moment. But then I decided to just put on a big grin and have fun, and Edward immediately relaxed again, too.

Soon, I didn't have to try to enjoy myself. Even stoned, Edward was a great dancer. He seemed to effortlessly stay in sync with me, so I felt like I looked great, too. At some point he placed his hands on my hips, and he pulled me even closer to him for a couple of songs, which was fine by me. Eventually, Rose and Emmett showed up at the dance, and Edward moved his hand for a second, just to acknowledge Emmett's wave in our direction. Then he put his hand right back on my side.

Edward pulled me outside after an hour and led me back to the Slave Quarters so that he could get another drink. I left him by the keg while I threaded through the crowd to get into the room where I'd last seen Kate. It was crowded in that room, too, so it took a while for me to search around, but after a few minutes I concluded that she was gone, as was Garrett. Now some stranger was behind the homemade bar. _Maybe it was a guy who actually lived in the room?_

I slipped back into the courtyard and was immediately greeted by a huge smile from Edward, who motioned for me to come over to him. When I walked over, he held up a red plastic solo cup.

"I found you a Cosmo," he said with a grin as he handed me the cup. I glanced into it and saw that it was filled with some kind of pink liquid.

"Where did you-" I started to ask, but he cut me off.

"Can't reveal all my secrets, can I?"

I laughed and took a sip. It was strong, but good. I raised my cup and we toasted to Halloween.

Edward entertained me as we stood around the keg, telling me raunchy jokes and making fun of some of the costumes on other students. I couldn't remember the last time I laughed so much. But eventually I started to shiver. Edward noticed and told me to go come back with him to the Inferno, where I could warm up again. I agreed and soon we were back dancing in the crowd of costumed students.

After what felt like hours, I motioned to Edward that I wanted to go back outside. He nodded and grabbed my hand to lead me off the dance floor and out of the dining hall. We stopped by an outside wall of the building.

"Sorry," I said, "but I think I have to go home now. It's really late and I actually have classes tomorrow."

"Oh, those are not required," he answered with a grin. "No one really expects you to go to class on November 1st. The professors aren't stupid. They'll just do reviews tomorrow."

"Really?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah really, Bella," he said as he leaned closer to me. My back was almost against the bricks and his hand was on the wall next to my head.

"What?" I breathed. He was just inches from my face and my heart was starting to race.

"I still like you," he said, and then he closed the last few inches between us and kissed me.

This time, I put up no resistance. I kissed him right back, throwing my arms up around his neck and standing up on my toes to reach his mouth. He pushed my back against the bricks and put one hand up into my hair, which he sort of grabbed and pulled. This kiss was a lot messier than the last one – there was a lot of tongue and lips and hands moving at once. We might have stayed there making out for a minute or an hour. I had no idea. Time wasn't moving at a normal speed.

Edward broke away for a second, and leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Come back to my room with me."

"I really don't think that's a good idea," I said, sounding wildly unconvincing, even to myself. My breath was ragged and my heart was pounding in my chest.

Edward kissed me again, more gently. "Come back to my room with me," he said again between kisses. "Just for a little while," he murmured in my ear as he ran his hand down the side of my body.

I shook my head no without looking in his eyes.

He put one hand under my chin and lifted my face so that I was looking at him. "I'll walk you home after. I'll even help you climb the gate if you want," he continued in a super persuasive voice, running his lips over my cheek and ear.

"I don't know . . ." I sighed as he sucked on my earlobe and my eyes slid closed.

"Shh. No more talking," he instructed as he kissed me again, placing one hand on my ass and sort of yanking me up towards him. "If you'd rather fool around here in Pierson's courtyard, that's fine, too," he whispered as continued to kiss me.

My eyes popped open and I looked over his shoulder as best I could. "Oh, shit, people are staring at us as they leave," I moaned.

"No they are not," he laughed, then kissed me again. "They are just hurrying to get back to their rooms; they couldn't care less about you or me." Then he leaned back over me and kissed me again. "But you are shivering, and I'd really prefer to get you inside somewhere so that you aren't so cold." More kisses followed. "And my room is much closer than yours; just a quick walk out of here and into Davenport." His hands continued to run over my hips and waist and back. "Won't even take two minutes," he breathed in my ear.

_Really, what's the difference? He is a great kisser and this feels fantastic. I'll go to his room for just a few minutes and warm up and then walk home._

"OK, OK, just for a few minutes. To warm up," I hedged.

Edward immediately threw his arm around me and started briskly walking us toward the Pierson gate.

"Hey, slow down," I yelled.

"Sorry," Edward said as he slowed his pace. "Guess I'm so excited that you said yes that I'm running," he laughed.

I couldn't help but smile, too. "You really have all the slick moves, Edward."

"Only as slick as I need to be," he teased back, touching his hair.

As he promised, we were in Davenport and at the door to his suite in no time. He opened the door carefully and walked in very quietly, silently motioning for me to follow. I started to giggle, but he put his finger to his lips and shushed me. Edward went to the door to his room, pushed it open slowly and peeked inside. Then he closed it again and whispered, "We'll stay out here," and pointed to his couch.

"This couch is OK to sit on?" I mouthed.

He laughed quietly at my reference to the couch in Garrett, Peter and Jasper's house. "Yes. Practically sterile," he replied in a whisper. "Sorry, Josh is already asleep in there," he said as he pointed back to his bedroom door. "It is after 2 am."

"Oh, right, you have a roommate. That sucks," I said with a smirk as Edward sat down on the couch next to me.

"You know what doesn't suck?" he asked.

I shook my head no.

"This," he said as he put his left hand behind my neck, pulled me toward him and started kissing me again. I wouldn't have thought it was possible, but these kisses were even better than the ones outside Pierson's dining hall. Maybe it was because we were sitting, so I didn't have to crane my neck up as much to reach his face. Or maybe it was because he was whispering to me as he kissed me and running his right hand up and down my left leg. Or maybe it was that I'd completely given into the experience and stopped hesitating. Whatever the reason, I felt like I could sit on that couch forever just making out with him. Edward didn't seem to disagree. He just kept kissing me and running his hands over me.

I let myself do something I'd wanted to do for a while – I lifted my hand up to touch his hair. It was all crusty and hard from the hair gel, not at all what I'd expected. "Umm . . . that's too bad," I muttered to myself.

"What's too bad?" he asked as he sat up straighter and looked at me with confusion.

"Your hair is all weird and stiff from the gel," I explained as I blushed bright red. "I forgot. It's OK."

Edward laughed out loud. "Would you like me to clean it? You could shower with me and make sure I get all the gel out," he suggested with a leering smile.

"Yeah, maybe next time," I answered.

"Watch it, Bella, or I'm going to hold you to that promise," he whispered as he started kissing me again.

At some point, he asked if I was starting to warm up.

I smiled and whispered back that I felt a bit warmer than when we arrived at his room. I said nothing about leaving to head back to my room.

But eventually, while he was sucking on my earlobe, I yawned.

I giggled and covered my mouth as Edward sat back and stared at me. "Wow, that's just insulting," he said with a mildly annoyed look on his face.

"I'm so sorry. That was really, really not a comment on your . . . anything. I'm just exhausted. I think I need to go home," I said as I yawned again.

"OK, I get the message," he said with a snicker. "First you pick on my slick moves, then you insult my hair, and now you yawn when I kiss you – this is not playing out quite how I imagined."

"You've spent time imagining hooking up with me?" I asked with a grin.

"Yes, Bella, as I keep telling you, I like you. I occasionally think about you when I'm not with you," Edward said with his funny lopsided grin.

"You sweet talker. Now walk me home," I demanded as I stood up and stretched.

"Would you like a coat for the walk back to Old Campus?" he asked.

"Actually, that would be great, thank you," I said sincerely.

He dug around in a pile of clothing on a chair and pulled out a big fleece. "This should keep you good and warm," he said as he helped me into the jacket.

Edward led me out of his suite and out into the courtyard. "What time is it?" I asked as I glanced around the empty green and saw that every window in the college was dark.

Edward glanced at his watch. "It's almost three," he replied.

"Well, no wonder I'm yawning. This is way, way, way past my bedtime," I said as I shivered.

"Well, come on, let's go and get you to bed," he said gallantly.

We hurried over to Old Campus and Edward asked me if I wanted to climb the High Street gate.

"I think I'm too tired," I admitted. "We have to go around to College."

"Crap, that means I have to spend more time with you," he teased and then jumped away as I lamely tried to punch him in the arm.

Edward walked me all the way around to the far side of Old Campus, where the only gate that was open 24 hours was located. I told him that he could drop me off there, but he insisted on walking me to Durfee, and even offered to take me to my bedroom door.

"You really don't have to do this," I protested weakly as we crossed the quad toward my dorm.

"It's not really about you," he replied. "I just want my jacket back, and I don't want to take it from you until you're inside," he said with a smirk.

"Oh, in that case, why don't you just leave me at my suite door?" I suggested with a smile as I opened my entryway door and let him in.

"OK, on one condition," he replied as we walked up the stairs.

"Yes?" I asked as I turned to face him in front of my door.

"One more kiss," he said as he leaned down and kissed me again. I melted against my door and kissed him back with renewed enthusiasm. A little moan slipped out of my mouth as he stroked my hair.

"That's better," he whispered. "I like the moan better than the yawn." He kissed me again and asked, "You sure you don't want me to ask me in?"

"Yes," I panted between kisses.

"Yes, I can come in?" he asked enthusiastically.

"No. Yes, I'm sure I don't want to ask you in," I replied as I wound my fingers in his hair. Even crunchy, it felt pretty good.

"Why?" he asked as he cupped my ass in his hand and pulled me closer to him.

"Because letting you into my room would only lead to more," I replied while he kissed my neck.

"And that is bad because . . ." he murmured into my neck.

"I don't want to insult you again by yawing in the middle of your slick moves," I said with a grin.

He laughed a throaty laugh and planted another set of kisses on my lips and face. "Have I mentioned that I really like you?" he asked with a smile.

"Yeah, I think you have," I replied coyly.

"And . . ." he led as I leaned against my door and looked at him.

"And, you're not bad yourself," I answered with a huge grin.

"You are a bad person Bella," he said with another laugh. Then he kissed me again and earned himself another little moan.

"I need to kick you out of my entryway now, before the neighbors come investigating," I said as I pulled away from him. I quickly pulled off Edward's fleece and handed it back to him. "Thanks for, uh, warming me up," I said with another bright blush.

"The pleasure was all mine," he said with a huge grin. "Have sweet dreams," he said as he turned and loped down the stairs and out the entryway.

I let myself into my suite and tiptoed to my room. Everyone was either asleep or still out. I was in bed and passed out in minutes with a huge smile on my face.


End file.
